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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?

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Talked with pdoc today, and he is temporarily increasing the abilify back to see if that will help the agitation, restlessness and being irritable.  See him Thursday to re-evaluate things.  I think his goal is to get me off of abilify and put me on something else.

However, he said as we lower the abilify, we might need to add another.  And I just hope it will completely replace the abilify because I don't think I need an another med added on to what I'm on already (see meds in sig, below).

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1 hour ago, Zelling said:

Has anyone found that since their illness really took hold, they have a much lower tolerance for things like high volume music? I mean, maybe it's just a thing that happens with age, but I used to be really into listening to all sorts of music and now I can barely tolerate it at all, even on low volume.

I get too many messages when I listen to music. I love music but now I can't listen to it much at all anymore. Same with the TV although I never watched much of that anyway. It's quiet when I'm home alone at home. 

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hey everyone, first post here.  schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type.  recently been trying all kinds of different medications without much luck to relieve my inner restlessness which leads me to pace at least five miles a day.  really hope my psychiatrist can figure something out to get this to stop.  i've been pacing for seven years now, ever since getting on antipsychotics and developing schizophrenia.  so far, we've tried propanolol, cogentin, doxepin.  doxepin does wonders for my sleep but nothing for pacing.

 

anyone here have really accurate voices?  i know i'm not hearing someone's thoughts, but yesterday i heard a voice within my head and brought it up to my dad.  he said, "yeah, i was totally just thinking that.  maybe i said it out loud."  however, it was clearly a voice within my head which i explained to him.  when i first went through my psychotic break years ago it felt like mental telepathy.  sometimes i wonder if maybe there's ways to take advantage of hearing voices.

 

anyway, really glad i found this forum.  hugs to everyone.

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@strange eyes, welcome.

In other news, I reeeeally need to get back to running. But then I remember in 2013 when I was doing a ton of running with a club on a regular basis, and all it gave me was crippling panic attacks and even worse paranoia (although admittedly that might have been largely caused by bad medication and severe sleep deprivation). But if I don't run it will equal severe depression + panic attacks + paranoia. So I suppose it's treading a fine line, and just easing into it, taking it slow.

Had a meltdown today, which I think has been pending for a while. Thought some dark thoughts because I was hurting. Realised I feel very little connection to others, and the one person I truly care about is probably actually a figment of my imagination anyway. Wondered what the point of it all was, why the eff do we even bother. Then remembered when I am running (without pushing myself too hard) on a regular basis, nothing matters except freedom and running and I am happy regardless.

Edited by Zelling

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1 hour ago, strange eyes said:

sometimes i wonder if maybe there's ways to take advantage of hearing voices.

 

IMO, there were no ways to take advantage of hearing voices.  They aren't real.  When I thought they were real, I found them helpful, but it was based on voices and no one/nothing IRL.

 

8 minutes ago, Zelling said:

Had a meltdown today, which I think has been pending for a while. Thought some dark thoughts because I was hurting. Realised I feel very little connection to others, and the one person I truly care about is probably actually a figment of my imagination anyway. Wondered what the point of it all was, why the eff do we even bother. Then remembered when I am running (without pushing myself too hard) on a regular basis, nothing matters except freedom and running and I am happy regardless.

I hope you are doing better now.  I'm glad you have something that makes you feel happy and free!

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4 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

IMO, there were no ways to take advantage of hearing voices.  They aren't real.  When I thought they were real, I found them helpful, but it was based on voices and no one/nothing IRL.

hi melissaw, thanks for your response. I know my voices aren't based in reality, but most of the time I don't really mind hearing them unless they say negative things. most often they are positive or neutral commentary. however I would love it if I could find an antipsychotic that made them go away completely. what's worse than hearing voices I think, is this inner restlessness I get. I just want to find medicine that will help me stop pacing so much. no way am I going off antipsychotics though. when I wasn't medicated I didn't know the voices weren't real and it brought very dark times upon my life. 

i do tend to channel my symptoms into positive energy for making art. I'm a visual artist and musician. I think some of my paintings may resonate with people here so here's a cpl :

image.jpeg

image.jpeg

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image.jpeg

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1 hour ago, strange eyes said:

however I would love it if I could find an antipsychotic that made them go away completely

Abilify worked in part for me.  Also for some reason I had an odd reaction to trazodone ... that med finished taking the voices away (most).

YMMV though.  There are a lot of anti-psychotics out there.  Have you tried any anti-psychotics? 

 

You mention in a previous post:

8 hours ago, strange eyes said:

so far, we've tried propanolol, cogentin, doxepin.  doxepin does wonders for my sleep but nothing for pacing.

Are those the only meds you have tried?

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@melissaw72

no those are the only meds I've tried for pacing. I've tried a lot of antipsychotics. currently I'm on fanapt but in the past I have been on risperdal, prolixin, geodon, remeron, zyprexa. might be forgetting some. I also take a mood stabilizer now, lamotrigine. in the past I have been on so many different antidepressants I could barely list them here. I also took trazadone for sleep but it made me have night terrors. I've been trying different meds for seven years now. feels kinda bad when I think about it. I have come a long way since my first psychotic episode though. 

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2 hours ago, strange eyes said:

I have come a long way since my first psychotic episode though. 

That is great progress!  Have you tried Clozaril or Abilify or trilafon?

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Registered for another course.  Preparing myself to pay for my courses since they are not covered by financial aid.  I might as well.  I think there are 6 courses at 350 each.

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In-person job interview this Friday. Nervous nervous nervous nervous nervous. I hope I don't get in there and just sweat at them the whole time. 

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Popping in.  Things are getting weird again.  I'm not working and am stressed out like no tomorrow.  Money, relationships, life, everything stresses me out and my anxiety is through the roof.

I feel like I get this way when fall comes.  It's like SAD but for psychosis.  Fall hits and I go crazy.

Hope everyone is doing well.  I read along frequently but don't come to post very often.  Maybe hanging out here for a while will be helpful to me.

Edited by cinnamaldehyde

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Thanks @heilmania

Today's been a weird day.  I know my husband is going to come home from work soon and know something's up.  The trouble is, I don't exactly know what's wrong.  I just feel... weird.  Very sketchy, as my sister would put it, ha!

I have lots of insight and know that feeling weird isn't normal for me.  Something's up, looking in the past this feels a lot like the start of an episode.  I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow so I imagine I will have lots to talk about.

Stay well, everyone!

 

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I've been hearing voices all day, maybe have been a week or so and didn't know, and on Friday I'd become badly mixed/depressed. I felt extremely aggressive. It was too late at night by the time I wanted help to get it. I'm no longer quite like that, but I'm dreadfully lethargic. Impulsive with it. Threw up earlier and could've sworn there were maggots in there. Somebody in a black cloak with weird eyes keeps appearing in my room. I've had it with this.

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