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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


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Paranoia has admittedly been a little better since I started running again. It's bizarre - when particularly paranoid I get a sort of agoraphobia where leaving my place is difficult, but get claustrophobic at the same time, especially if I'm stuck exercising inside a room with other people. Running outside gives me a far greater sense of freedom (particularly given you can escape in any direction to anywhere if needed.) Contemplating taking up cycling as cross-training, but the drivers here are not great so will have to think about that one.

Edited by Zelling
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So 's this appropriate? I missed 2 days of meds. I'll either live or die sobbingkr or laughing. Can't sleep. Might try a lunesta. I don't want to further worry husband but just I want to go do some snow angels in the yard. No clothes know on.  I can't figure Mythign out. Damn dams beaver s are fun. Oh my poor mind I need to chill out nothing makes sense anymore because what shall I do now I need to quit driving and quit the groups that I am going to I'm just freaking out and. Nervous as fuck. I. Can't. 

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5 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

So 's this appropriate? I missed 2 days of meds. I'll either live or die sobbingkr or laughing. Can't sleep. Might try a lunesta. I don't want to further worry husband but just I want to go do some snow angels in the yard. No clothes know on.  I can't figure Mythign out. Damn dams beaver s are fun. Oh my poor mind I need to chill out nothing makes sense anymore because what shall I do now I need to quit driving and quit the groups that I am going to I'm just freaking out and. Nervous as fuck. I. Can't. 

Cheese, Idk really what to say except to alert your husband about this and call your pdoc, and/or start taking your meds again.  If you can't do that, I would highly suggest going to the ER.

---------

People upstairs ... 4 nights in a row have woken me up, and I am exhausted.  Plan on calling landlord first thing this morning to have a talk with their landlord to shut them up. 

Tonight I have not been able to fall back to sleep for more than 1-2 hours, for the life of me.

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I have taken my 25mg lamictal first time, nothing bad happens.

 

Thats great since I cm med-resistant and tend to have a lot of problems from meds.

People upstairs ... 4 nights in a row have woken me up, and I am exhausted.  Plan on calling landlord first thing this morning to have a talk with their landlord to shut them up. 

Tonight I have not been able to fall back to sleep for more than 1-2 hours, for the life of me.

Could you solve the situation calling your landlord?

Edited by Bixo
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1 hour ago, Bixo said:

Could you solve the situation calling your landlord?

I did call him this morning.  (Actually this is the 4th time I've called about this over the past 6-8 weeks ... it seems to work, but then 4 or 5 days later they'll start up again with waking me up).  Left a message on the machine.  (I actually almost burst into tears when leaving the message because I was so tired and nauseous from being exhausted). I haven't heard from him but usually he will do whatever I ask without getting back to me.  But he'll do it.  I'll see tonight how it goes.  If they wake me up again, I will be calling landlord again tomorrow morning, and will expect to hear back from him this time so I can actually talk to him to see what's up.

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Not sure how I feel.

Anxiety is high. Having the beginnings of a panic attack at work...afraid to work with money.

I think the Straterra might be working...at least a little bit

Talked to pdoc who wants to talk to my GP to see if the Synthroid is causing the anxiety

My GP knows I have been stressed/anxious cause I'm having chest pains and ordered and EKG that came out fine.

Pdoc said he'll adjust meds...haven't heard from him yet.

Sigh...I'm so close yet so far.

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I just got out of the hospital yesterday. Discharge summary says PTSD, SZA BP type, Asthma, and GERD. My meds stayed the same, except for 100mg Trazadone and 600mg Seroquel XR, instead of the previous dose of 300mg. 

I feel a little better. I'm not as agitated or angry, and I'm actually sleeping again, whereas before I was up for a day at a time. 

I'm headed back to Canada on Monday :(  Which makes me sad. I see Dr. G on Tuesday. They wanted fast follow up. But all in all, I'm doing better.

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Day 4 of being ungodly sick with some kind of evil cough/cold thing, and I can actually get up and move some. The past three days have just been me with my face under the a/c trying to sleep. My voice is gone...again. I hope it comes back faster than I'm anticipating. 

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4 minutes ago, Bixo said:

I feel conected with reality... I feel... I feel something else that's not my day a day crazyness... I feel normal... even if I know... I am almost never feel like this... because now I realize most ot fime I am out of reality.

I know what you mean. Like, you didn't understand how detached you were until you have a normal day. I totally get that. 

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2 hours ago, Siggmin said:

I just got out of the hospital yesterday. Discharge summary says PTSD, SZA BP type, Asthma, and GERD. My meds stayed the same, except for 100mg Trazadone and 600mg Seroquel XR, instead of the previous dose of 300mg. 

I feel a little better. I'm not as agitated or angry, and I'm actually sleeping again, whereas before I was up for a day at a time. 

I'm headed back to Canada on Monday :(  Which makes me sad. I see Dr. G on Tuesday. They wanted fast follow up. But all in all, I'm doing better.

That is great to hear you are feeling better after being IP!  I hope it continues!

 

2 hours ago, heilmania said:

Day 4 of being ungodly sick with some kind of evil cough/cold thing, and I can actually get up and move some. The past three days have just been me with my face under the a/c trying to sleep. My voice is gone...again. I hope it comes back faster than I'm anticipating. 

Sorry you have been sick.  I hate when I lose my voice.  I'd rather have strep throat than lose my voice.  Mainly because with losing my voice I can't call anyone, because I can't talk.  At least with strep I can whisper.

I forgot to ask the other day ... when do you start your new job?

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21 minutes ago, Bixo said:

Why if I may ask and you want to talk about it?

Asked pdoc to write a general/vague but true letter to landlord saying how the loud noise is affecting me etc.  He wrote the letter, but said (at first, before he wrote it) that it was something that could get me evicted, or moved to another apartment. What?

Pdoc said that I was hearing things louder than usual (which I'm not, it is the same) because I was on only a low dose of AP (so in essence he blamed the hearing things on the AP, NOT on my word of how loud I heard it or not), also said that I really shouldn't be complaining (in other words, but it meant exactly that) ... that they have a kid and sometimes kids like to run around ... that 8 PM is too early (even though I said that was the time they agreed on).  He was just giving excuses for every thing I tried to say.  Didn't listen and did not believe me that it was as loud as I said it was.
And no matter what I said or tried to explain to pdoc, he had an excuse for everything ... excuses that shot down anything and everything that I tried to explain.  Pdoc said that we have to try to find another AP now.

Thank goodness my mother wasn't driving because Idk what I would have done if she was.  (I guess I would have had to put on a happy face). 

And pdoc left me in tears as I left the office.  He always lets me gather my thoughts first before leaving the office.  And really didn't give a crap about about my thoughts ... it was all what he thought was right.  Every thing was because of the low dose of AP, as well as his opinions of things ... like that they have a kid, so they will make noise, etc ... everything I said he countered with his opinion or because of the low-dose AP.

I am just so depressed. Especially sitting in his office, I was extremely depressed most likely because he wasn't believing me on anything, and blaming everything on the AP low dose and/or his opinions. 

Also, an odd thing happened, was that for the very first time since knowing him (since 2003), as I was sitting in his office today, the word suicide (just the word), floated in front of me.  I wasn't even thinking of it in any way, but I saw the word floating in front of me.  Caught me off guard.  Obviously I'm not gonna do anything stupid (I never would and do not want to), but it was just odd that the word came up without me actively thinking about it, and that has never happened before since knowing him. And there is no way I can tell pdoc this because he'll blame it on the AP low dose, and probably question hospitalization, again.  Because he has said recently (at other appts) that he was afraid I would have a breakdown requiring hospitalization, all because of the lowering of abilify.  I said I would never do anything or put myself in the position of requiring hospitalization. He has said the word "hospitalization" more than once lately, so I'm not giving him any reason to think that more.
Actually, about the noise, he would have probably believed me about the noise if there was someone there with me who also heard it to back me up.  Story of my life.


Today's appt was just a world of hell.  And also,  he himself said we could "agree to disagree" on all of this.  So what am I supposed to do with that?  And as I left , halfway out the door he said,  "Sorry I made you upset," "enjoy the leaves" but in a way that was so cold and uncaring.

I have no more words to describe what happened in the appt anymore than I have, how he treated me, and that he didn't believe me on anything.  And that he is agreeing to disagree with me on this.  So I know I wasn't heard.  Again, story of my life.  That is just so fucked up.
I'll be ok. I am just so tired and exhausted that I don't know what to do anymore.

 

Edited by melissaw72
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3 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

Sorry you have been sick.  I hate when I lose my voice.  I'd rather have strep throat than lose my voice.  Mainly because with losing my voice I can't call anyone, because I can't talk.  At least with strep I can whisper.

I forgot to ask the other day ... when do you start your new job?

My voice is coming back some, but I now sound very much like a teenage boy going through puberty. Thanks.

I officially start on Monday, but may volunteer at an event on Saturday? Nonprofits, what can I say. I told my new boss I have no voice but can help with setup/breakdown now that I'm able to actually move again. That cold knocked me on my ass, man. 

3 hours ago, Bixo said:

You explained it better, that's it.

and it's so confusing.... and a bit sad.

I'm sure you feel confused right now- but what is sad about it?

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