Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, Bixo said:

That doesn't sound good, I am sorry he didn't believe you.

Could you record the noises and then make him listen to it?

I have nothing to record with.  Actually tbh I don't think that would help because when you record things it doesn't always come out the same as you hear it ... not as loud as it is being here listening to it, IRL.  Good idea though, thanks.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, heilmania said:

I'm sure you feel confused right now- but what is sad about it?

It's sad most of time I am out of reality.

 

I hope you like you new job and feel comfortable working, you sound like a great person, and great people deserve good things. I am sorry if I am too random lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

41 minutes ago, Bixo said:

It's sad most of time I am out of reality.

 

I hope you like you new job and feel comfortable working, you sound like a great person, and great people deserve good things. I am sorry if I am too random lol

I understand. 

Thanks so much for the well wishes on the new job, and for the compliment. :) I already really like my new boss, which is a big upgrade from my old job. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I can distinguish the MI depression vs depression that anyone could get (who doesn't have a MI).

Right now I am very depressed, but have found that I am still functional and am able to get things done ... vacuuming, laundry, a little cleaning, etc. I am not just sitting and staring at the wall, with absolutely no 'want' to do anything, or everything seems like a chore. 

And that is the difference for me ... wanting to stare at the wall (etc) vs being able to do things, not seeing them as a chore or just not being able to do them.

I know I generalized the having MI vs not having MI ... and I know it isn't like that for everyone.  I am just saying that I am pretty sure I have found the difference between the MI depression I have vs the regular depression that others might get (ie, people who don't have a MI).

Has anyone ever experienced these differences?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

Has anyone ever experienced these differences?

Yeah, normal sadness sucks but you can still continue with your life while you have it. The same with normal happiness vs pathological one, with the normal one you enjoy without ruining your life spending all your money in a giant monkey gold statue because... you were excited and just bought it.

Edited by Bixo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Bixo said:

Yeah, normal sadness sucks but you can still continue with your life while you have it. The same with normal happiness vs pathological one, with the normal one you enjoy without ruining your life spending all your money in a giant monkey gold statue because... you were excited and just bought it.

Exactly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, heilmania said:

Volunteering at a work event tomorrow for three hours. This is before my first day at work on Monday. Hope I'm not too awkward!

Just do the best that you can ... can't ask for more than that!

 

------

I can honestly say that I have a lot less respect for my pdoc than I have ever had since knowing him. 

I am not going to change pdocs because #1 13 years of info and his notes/observations is a lot to re-hash (which I know has to be done sometimes, but I am not at that point yet). #2 Aside from the past appt, he usually listens to me and takes the time to talk rather than just do meds.  #3 He doesn't expect me to see an outside therapist.  He takes care of that.  #4  he does email and actually responds to it ... And there are other reasons.  It just hasn't gotten to the point where everything is shit when I see him.  If anything, I could go down to every other week, instead of weekly.  I actually think that would bother him (he wouldn't say it, but I know him well enough that it might) because he does keep an eye on me (in a caring way, making sure I am doing ok and not becoming symptomatic, etc).  But after last week's appt, I am thinking seriously about every other week.  I'll see how appt on Tuesday goes.  I really do not want these appts to be ones that I dread going to.  I've never felt this way towards him before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Could it be possible he had a bad day and that's why he was so invalidating towards you?

Sometimes they can make huge mistakes too, but if it is the first huge mistake in 13 years... I would discuss it with him again or at  least telling him how made you feel what he told you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

has anyone experienced akathisia on clozaril?  my doc told me i can stop taking propanolol since akathisia isn't a side effect of clozaril but i started pacing again yesterday so i began taking the propanolol again.  i haven't paced yet today, but it's a little early to tell.  i just woke up.  i'm really hoping akathisia isn't a side effect.  i see pdoc on monday so i'll get the meds figured out then.  but yeah, i was really hopeful about clozaril.  however if it's going to give me akathisia then i'm not gonna continue taking it (of course under doc supervision)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Went out with some friends to a few bars this evening (first time in a long time, possibly years), and discovered I now find it virtually impossible to hear or understand any conversation if there's background music, even if said conversation is happening inches from my ears.

It's like I can't process anything if there's more than two sources of sound.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Finally I have gotten depressed, after 2 weeks cycling.... 

Entities talking, a lot, wanting me to bleed, again, or killmyself, just to stop this bah.

I have to go college on monday.... and all the week, and have lab practices.....

bah bah bah bah

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh

I don't want to see my pdoc being  this depressed, being this giant human mistake.

College college college failing failing failing.

No family, none, none, none.

I am going to shower.

Edited by Bixo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know, I don't get anything in the world, it is fallen and broken, I need to cross Wonderland, whatever it is, with or without the doom. I don't mind, I am lonely writing this thing here because there  is not any otherr place to write things that's not internet. My life is plufffy whatever it means, I don't care. I just want to have a life in some way, or be with the Doom, here or there, not in the middle of both. 

You know, I want to be with the Doom. It's better, in life, there is nothing, none in this,  they just do nothing, or say I have insomnia, at least the one at ER, the one at IP traumatized me more and the day hospital is unhelpful to be a human being in a normal society full of things that doesn't make any sense or at least more sense than myself.

I am not done, but am in a done, I don't even know why I am writing this, but I want to tell everyone there is not only life and death but also wonderland somewhere. I have to reach it, I was an idiot wanting last time to return to the real world from wonderland, I am better there, as entities told me and did dragging me there, but now, now I need to return, and who knows how, I just want to do something, jump here, jump there.

Draining blood, or hitting my head, I won't OD, or I won't kill myself, I don't know if this clasify as killing myself since I just want to cross to somewhere. I am so tired of being in this World I prefer the other one. Entities wants the blood, but not cuting, and how the hell I get it without cutting, its crazy, I need to do something about all of this bunch of stuff. The Doom, the mayor entity wants me to kill myself in a certain way he won't tell me how it is, I need to be with them, really need it, they are the onlyh thing I have, I want to join them, but don't know how. For whatever sake, I need something.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Bixo said:

Could it be possible he had a bad day and that's why he was so invalidating towards you?

Sometimes they can make huge mistakes too, but if it is the first huge mistake in 13 years... I would discuss it with him again or at  least telling him how made you feel what he told you.

This was way more than a bad day (if it was that). It was extremely unprofessional, IMO at least.

He knows how I feel about it.  When I had collected my thoughts the day after I saw him, I sent an email that let him know everything about how I felt about things. Actually I asked him to not bring anything from the appt up unless he was willing to listen to me and see things from my perspective ... as well as letting me explain things.  ie Because the noise I hear hasn't changed in volume ... but he says it has and it is psychosis -related (not in those exact words, but meant to say exactly that.  All because I am on a low dose of an AP.

 

Bixo, when do you see pdoc next?  It sounds like you are not thinking straight and not in a good place right now.  How is the lamictal?  Do you feel any difference since starting it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, melissaw72 said:

This was way more than a bad day (if it was that). It was extremely unprofessional, IMO at least.

He knows how I feel about it.  When I had collected my thoughts the day after I saw him, I sent an email that let him know everything about how I felt about things. Actually I asked him to not bring anything from the appt up unless he was willing to listen to me and see things from my perspective ... as well as letting me explain things.  ie Because the noise I hear hasn't changed in volume ... but he says it has and it is psychosis -related (not in those exact words, but meant to say exactly that.  All because I am on a low dose of an AP.

 

Bixo, when do you see pdoc next?  It sounds like you are not thinking straight and not in a good place right now.  How is the lamictal?  Do you feel any difference since starting it?

I am sorry he doesn't understand the situation. I find it a bit absurd to blame the low dose of abilify, if you were actively psychotic you would be having much more symptoms.

I 'see' my pdoc on tuesday, but I don't want to see him and I don't know if I will go. I am tired of talking with professionals without them understanding. I doubt he would understand this world being so fake, but I guess I just have to play the game as if it were The Sims until I find the way of crossing to wonderland and finally be where and with I have to be, in Wonderland with my entitites.

I am not cycling or at least not that bad, I feel slightly to severely depressed at different times during the day. I am just taking 25mg since 4 days, even if I am highly sensitive to meds I doubt it has passed time enough to work on mood

Edited by Bixo
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...