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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?


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3 minutes ago, Bixo said:

Maybe is there something that is trigger the normal depression to clinical depression?

Idk.  I've never thought of that.  I just know that there are 2 kinds of depression, and know the difference between the 2 when I am depressed.  Not sure if there is something that triggers the normal depression to the clinical depression.

8 minutes ago, Bixo said:

Now I sound extra crazy  but this is the only way things work. Entities are real, they are real in Wonderland, they aren't in the rational-scientific World. My body is real, but in the rational-scientific World, not in Wonderland.

I wouldn't say you sound extra crazy.  I think you just see things differently than most people do.

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ugh, akathisia still sticking around.  i really have no idea why.  maybe because i'm not at a therapeutic dosage of fanapt yet?  i don't know, i'm really frustrated.  my mood is low.  i'm agitated and i'm pacing like a madman.  i called my pdoc on friday and asked if should start taking propanolol three times daily again.  last time my akathisia finally subsided when i was on fanapt and propanolol 3x daily.  i did this over the weekend anyway as i didn't hear back from the office.  still been pacing though.  i should hear from the office today.  no idea what they can even do for me at this point though.  i'm really upset..

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Finished another book.  Now for Windows 10 Inside Out.  It's a huge 800+ page book.  So it will be a little while.  Going to try to read 1 chapter each day.  22 days is all it should take.

Finished my Buddhism book, Buddhism for Dummies.  It was very informative.  That was a 300 pager.  It feels good that I am able not to lose focus. 

Edited by whatsizbucket
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The several weeks of psychosis related symptoms have now devolved into violent intrusive thoughts. Usually directed at myself, sometimes at others.

I don't entirely know how to deal with it. It's completely terrible timing - mum is coming to stay this weekend, and then we have to travel the following weekend to a family wedding.

Have also been experiencing slight double vision which hasn't gone away since friday. Getting irritating. I find inverting screen colours helps a bit.

Edited by Zelling
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20 hours ago, whatsizbucket said:

Now for Windows 10 Inside Out.  It's a huge 800+ page book. 

I give you a lot of credit for reading a book that long and that you can focus on it.  I didn't know they made 800+ page books (other than the encyclopedia etc).

Knowing it is so long and still wanting to read it ... I could never do that.  So I give credit to you for doing that, as well as being able to focus while reading in general!

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On 10/31/2016 at 11:50 AM, whatsizbucket said:

Finished another book.  Now for Windows 10 Inside Out.  It's a huge 800+ page book.  So it will be a little while.  Going to try to read 1 chapter each day.  22 days is all it should take.

In finished by Buddhism book, Buddhism for Dummies.  It was very informative.  That was a 300 pager.  It feels good that I am able not to lose focus. 

Nice work! That's awesome! I hope to read again one day! Focusing is hard!

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On 10/30/2016 at 6:39 AM, meep said:

Earlier I bought a sandwich,took a few bites and when I looked down at it I thought it looked strange. So I sat it down and opened it. I noticed a peculiar reddish substance. I was worried it was blood. I cut myself just to put my blood on the sandwich to compare. So I could try and figure out if it was blood. It didn't quite look the same and then started wondering if it was just from the tomatoes because they looked sickly. Not fresh tomatoes at all. I still feel a little freaked out over it. Like should I get tested for a disease or something? I don't know.

Did you get sick after eating the sandwich (or the part that you did eat it)? I don't think anything is wrong if you haven't gotten sick, but I am not a DR.

If you are concerned about it and the concern won't go away, I don't think it would hurt to ask you gdoc about it.

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2 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

My brain seems to like Haldol so far. I'm a bit tired but mostly calmer. 

The tiredness was short lived for me. And the Haldol was really helpful, for about almost two years. It's a really good med, and worth a fair shot. I'm glad you're finding it's not so bad.

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9 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

This headache that I have had for 3 straight days and felt as if my head was cement ready to explode any minute, so much pressure inside (but fortunately not a migraine) ... is finally letting up.  Not gone 100%, but much, much better than it has been.

It is getting a little more better.  Since I have slept on a lavender ice pack under my head last 2 times I've slept, I have started to feel so much better.  There is still pressure there, but I just am feeling a lot better than the past 3 days.

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14 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

It is getting a little more better.  Since I have slept on a lavender ice pack under my head last 2 times I've slept, I have started to feel so much better.  There is still pressure there, but I just am feeling a lot better than the past 3 days.

 

So good to hear that you are doing better Melissa!  I hate those kinds of headaches.

I have a regular gdoc appt today.  We'll decide whether I will continue to take insulin or not.  Rumor has it that the pancreas no longer produces insulin if it's coming in from another source.  I will have to ask him about that, as to the truthfulness of that statement.

My mom is going to take her notebook, so we can figure out what we are doing.  My gdoc has a habit of not changing the things that work.  I want off the insulin, because my poor belleh has bandaids all over it some days, just from bleeding.  It was bad that I had that, and had the Lovenox when I had cancer.  It was bad.

The Lovenox came in prefilled sterile syringes.  We had to inject the blood thinner into my stomach.  It burned like hell and did it's job, but mah belleh became very bruised.  It's getting better, but slowly.  the insulin is not helping the healing.  Anyway, we'll see what we want to do.  It should be productive.

We'll see I suppose!

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6 minutes ago, whatsizbucket said:

So good to hear that you are doing better Melissa!  I hate those kinds of headaches.

I have a regular gdoc appt today.  We'll decide whether I will continue to take insulin or not.  Rumor has it that the pancreas no longer produces insulin if it's coming in from another source.  I will have to ask him about that, as to the truthfulness of that statement.

My mom is going to take her notebook, so we can figure out what we are doing.  My gdoc has a habit of not changing the things that work.  I want off the insulin, because my poor belleh has bandaids all over it some days, just from bleeding.  It was bad that I had that, and had the Lovenox when I had cancer.  It was bad.

The Lovenox came in prefilled sterile syringes.  We had to inject the blood thinner into my stomach.  It burned like hell and did it's job, but mah belleh became very bruised.  It's getting better, but slowly.  the insulin is not helping the healing.  Anyway, we'll see what we want to do.  It should be productive.

We'll see I suppose!

Thank you!  I have never had a headache like this one before, and have never had the pain of any headache last this long, 24/7, ever before.

 

(in bold) I'm not sure I understand what you wrote ... isn't not changing things that work a good thing?  Like why would gdoc want to change anything that was helping?

I hated having to inject lovenox when I needed to that.  I think I had to for 2 weeks, 3 separate times, and yes with the bruises too.

 

If your body is not producing insulin, you need to take the insulin.  Also I would suggest getting your pancreas checked out (labwork or whatever).

Quote

If your body does not produce enough insulin or your cells are resistant to the effects of insulin, you may develop hyperglycemia (high blood sugar), which can cause long-term complications if the blood sugar levels stay elevated for long periods of time.

http://www.endocrineweb.com/conditions/type-1-diabetes/what-insulin

 

I hope your appt is productive and that you get answers to your questions!

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I have a cubicle mate at work who likes to talk. A lot. I like the fact that they want to talk to me, but at the same time, I wish I had more spine so I could tactfully tell them to quiet down so I can get on with my work.

They also seriously dislike my supervisor, who I think is completely wonderful, and I don't want my supervisor to think I am siding against them.

I've been giving non-committal, ambiguous/vague answers to the chatterbox. On the one hand, I like the fact that they want to be my friend, but at the same time, I'm not sure they're the best person in the office to be friends with. On the other hand, they're also the type of person you don't want to be clashing with either. 

Edited by Zelling
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Pdoc appt yesterday went ok.  I just am taking things superficially until I can figure out a way to get passed the appt where he treated me like crap, including what he said to me, a couple weeks ago.  Not sure how to do this. 

It isn't worth bringing it up again with pdoc though because I gave him a chance to listen to me and everything else, even offer an apology to me (I emailed him asking that if he was willing to do this to bring it up at the next appt, so we can talk about it more, he could ... which was less than 5 days later).  And when I saw him the next appt, he didn't mention any of it until the end of the appointment, saying coldly, "Sorry about the last time."  So he was still thinking of it.  I'm not going to put myself in the position on leaving (again) in tears, with nothing changing, him not listening to me (because what he says, goes ... my opinion doesn't matter.  What ever HE thinks is right, and I am always wrong), no apology (a sincere one).  It will stress me out too much.  And right now I can't take it.

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Today has been a shit day, largely due to mental health. After what feels like forever of voices putting me down, telling me to off myself etc etc - I got emails today from work and reacted in a completely paranoid manner. I have just been so completely mentally worn down that everything got to me and brought up schizoaffective instincts.

I reacted in a defensive/self protective manner, and by doing so might have had exactly the effect I was trying to prevent. There are going to be discussions with the manager on Monday, and I am hoping that I won't somehow have to explain my overblown reaction.

Clearly I need to be medicated by an antipsychotic, but the seroquel is so completely sedating, so zombifying I haven't been taking it as I should. Now, I'm not sure if I have any other choice but to just deal with those side effects. I worry that the sedation effects might just make me feel more depressed and also helpless, though.

 

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