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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?

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On 3/22/2020 at 12:37 AM, coraline said:

The military is going to take me away..

They are going to lock me up in quarantine..

I'm so scared..

Are you sick cora? Even if so, the military doesn’t do these kinds of things. They just don’t do these things to citizens. Please trust us. I’m terrified too. I understand your worry. 

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I really, really want a cigarette. It's been two weeks since I had my last but the stress is making me want to cave in. I also read that smokers are a vulnerable population for the cornavirus because its a disease that attacks the lungs. Ugh.

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Thought disorder sucks. I have trouble staying on topic and it annoys people :(

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Posted (edited)

As of late here are my worries.....

I hear the voices and get the messages from the universe about the end of the world. Or husband getting sick.

I’m still worried about the cameras in the Bluetooth speaker in our kitchen recording audio and visual info for the government to get me off of SSDI.

I worry with this online laptop telemedicine too that the government is secretly taping each therapy session and pdoc session. In order to gather evidence against me should there be a court trial to not only take away my SSDI but to make me pay back all they have given me so far. I know they are capturing my appointment videos because there is a light that is on by my laptop camera when in use and it is on during daylight bright hours when not needed. Freakish.

But zyprexa zydis PRN helps with some of this a little bit. Thank the turkey gobbles for that med! 

 

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese

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On 3/24/2020 at 8:46 PM, CeremonyNewOrder said:

I have fears that the government can read my thoughts and will kill or detain me because of the fact that I hate Trump so much

The government would have to detain ALOT of people if this were true. I think they’d have to detain my entire city. Everyone here hates Trump with a passion.

On 3/25/2020 at 6:27 PM, aura said:

Thought disorder sucks. I have trouble staying on topic and it annoys people :(

I have trouble with this myself. I don’t know if it’s the adhd thing or the thought disorder but my mind hops from one thing to another.

 

 

@Wonderful.Cheese The messages aren’t real. It’s your disorder and not reality. 

Big companies do monitor you but not for the reasons you worry about. They largely do it through email, phone apps, social networking websites, and through speakers (like Alexa). It’s to target you for advertising. They don’t care about your life or your SSDI, they just want you to buy stuff. I guess they do care about the SSDI in that they want you to spend it. 

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I’m very worked up. Damn messages. And the voices. Damn everything. I can’t even focus for longer than a second. I get off track and start something new. I never finish anything. I’m so frustrated with myself.  

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1 hour ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I’m very worked up. Damn messages. And the voices. Damn everything. I can’t even focus for longer than a second. I get off track and start something new. I never finish anything. I’m so frustrated with myself.  

hey Cheese.  Did you take you r PRN?  This sounds like something it might help. 

  • Thanks 1

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13 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

hey Cheese.  Did you take you r PRN?  This sounds like something it might help. 

Thanks dances. I will today. I ignored my phone alarms for it for who knows how long the days are a large blur now I can't keep track anymore.

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It’s been some monkey gasoline bad manicure days, I tell ya. I sleep 18 hours per day or I take a pill (nuvigil) and I sleep half that amount per day. I don’t see a solution. I guess I go back to sleeping 18 hours per day forever. Peachy. 

And you can about imagine what the voices are saying to me!

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It’s loud tonight! Just took a PRN. Hopefully there will be less noise soon. Too much yelling at me.

I am hearing BASH YOUR HEAD/SKULL IN. I won’t do that because I’m a huge wimp and it sounds unpleasant.

I didn’t get one thing done today. FAILURE. I know I know, they are right. 

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The entity is watching me. It wants me to hurt myself. Just called the resident on call and waiting on a call back.

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Why does the world need to be this way? My life? Everything? It’s too much. The voices aren’t helping. I’m crying.

2/3 of the people I socialize with (my parents) won’t see me for 2 weeks because I went/was forced to go to a in-law family bday party.

And I’m trying to cancel my gym membership that I’ve been a member there for 9+ years. Hard. But who knows when it will be safe to return?

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How do I say this? I’m being told that, I have ruined many lives because of my crazy brain. That I don’t deserve to be around anymore. That I’m being selfish. That I am being cruel to husband. That pretty soon he will leave or cheat on me (he already has I just know). I deserve that. They say I don’t deserve life. Never did and never will. This is not a life anyway. It’s torture. Each day I’m slipping further. I’m beyond exhausted. Nothing can be done. All this on repeat. I can’t focus or sleep. Too loud. 

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@Wonderful.Cheese It makes me so sad to read this. You are WORTH being part of this world. You are a kind and loving person. I've gotten to know you over the years and I can tell for sure you a good person who doesn't have to suffer like this. Much support from me. if you ever need to talk, PM me. 

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Hello,

I have been afraid to come back here for some time. I hope the best for everyone. I have been inpatient for about a week now in a psychiatric hospital that let's you have your phone and provides tablets to use during your stay. Both have to be charged in the nursing station. Things have been weird, because I am pretty depressed and unsure what is real and what isn't. My injection curbs a lot of experiences and makes me think about things less, but still I can't shake many of my beliefs. I never posted for a long time because I was sure I was deeply hated here. I have fallen into a pretty bad depression, which made my inpatient doctor use lithium next to my antidepressant for augmentation. It's for the suicidality. I also got referred to an intensive program for people with schizophrenia and related disorders.

I hope everyone can keep well, and even if you can't, I am proud you are still around.

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Everything I hear is nasty to me right now. Or scary threatening. Messages too. The threatening is worse because I get anxious because of it. And I’m pretty damn anxious right now. I’m worried. About everyone. About myself. I hear I’m going to die very soon. And everyone else I love will too. What I’m understanding from the universe is devastating news. What do I do?  I can’t handle this.  Please what do I do? 

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