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Wonderful Cheese,

I think you should really talk to your pdoc and ask about clozapine. It's high time. I was similarly messed up when I was on Zyprexa. I hear in the US it is treated as a last line of attack against psychosis but my own doc gives it out quite liberally. My doc is luckily an absolutely brilliant doctor and he is very aggressive against mental illness of any kind be it depression bipolar or psychosis. I wish your pdoc would wake up and treat you similarly and with seriousness. 

EDIT:-Don't take anything I said the wrong way. If anything disturbs you just ignore it. I am just trying to help.

Edited by the maze runner
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54 minutes ago, the maze runner said:

Wonderful Cheese,

I think you should really talk to your pdoc and ask about clozapine. It's high time. I was similarly messed up when I was on Zyprexa. I hear in the US it is treated as a last line of attack against psychosis but my own doc gives it out quite liberally. My doc is luckily an absolutely brilliant doctor and he is very aggressive against mental illness of any kind be it depression bipolar or psychosis. I wish your pdoc would wake up and treat you similarly and with seriousness. 

EDIT:-Don't take anything I said the wrong way. If anything disturbs you just ignore it. I am just trying to help.

I believe @Wonderful.Cheese Has already tried clozaril at significant doses?

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On 9/18/2020 at 12:06 AM, the maze runner said:

Oh ok. In that case being frank with the pdoc would be the wisest thing to do.

Thanks for the suggestion. I appreciate it. I'll take any help I can get. So I thank you.

On 9/18/2020 at 12:00 AM, Iceberg said:

I believe @Wonderful.Cheese Has already tried clozaril at significant doses?

Yes. It's true. I do wonder about how my clozaril trial was handled but that's a whole different story. 

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6 hours ago, Wonderful.Cheese said:

Thanks for the suggestion. I appreciate it. I'll take any help I can get. So I thank you.

Yes. It's true. I do wonder about how my clozaril trial was handled but that's a whole different story. 

Clozaril has been my most effective single med. my parents described it as “making me a whole new person.” Took me awhile to get there as (for some reason I. Can’t imagine) they are reluctant to start teenagers on cloz. It’s helped, but it is also a fucking pain in the ass to manage.

with regular bloodwork and dealing with the REMS, the fact that it is somewhat slow so we have often overshot dosing changes, the sedation and hypersomnia it is easy to imagine why the dropout rate is so high and that many docs are probably botching the trial 

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3 hours ago, Iceberg said:

Clozaril has been my most effective single med. my parents described it as “making me a whole new person.” Took me awhile to get there as (for some reason I. Can’t imagine) they are reluctant to start teenagers on cloz. It’s helped, but it is also a fucking pain in the ass to manage.

with regular bloodwork and dealing with the REMS, the fact that it is somewhat slow so we have often overshot dosing changes, the sedation and hypersomnia it is easy to imagine why the dropout rate is so high and that many docs are probably botching the trial 

I don't know what I would do without Clozapine. All the blood work, REMS, frequent pdoc appointments, its all worth it. 

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4 hours ago, Butterflykisses said:

I don't know what I would do without Clozapine. All the blood work, REMS, frequent pdoc appointments, its all worth it. 

 Just curious if you get excessive sedation and weight gain? Clozapine works really well for my symptoms but I can't take the side effects and will probably discontinue it soon which is scary because I've basically tried everything. 

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8 hours ago, CeremonyNewOrder said:

 Just curious if you get excessive sedation and weight gain? Clozapine works really well for my symptoms but I can't take the side effects and will probably discontinue it soon which is scary because I've basically tried everything. 

I only get sedation when I take my bedtime dose. I take 25mg in the morning and 300mg at night. The bedtime dose will put me to sleep within 1-2 hours. I don't really have day time sedation, surprisingly. I have had a large weight gain from it, and it is HARD to lose the weight. But, when weighing the pros and cons, clozapine's benefits will keep me on it. I have tried everything as well, it stinks. I think the med closest to it is Zyprexa...? Not to sure but that would be my second choice, if God forbid I had to get off of Clozapine.

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  • 1 month later...

I am up to my eyeballs in distress. I. Can’t. Anymore. Ever. For anyone IRL. They ask too much of me. They Think I’m on disability and have all this free time at home to do as I please. More like sit and suffer and be tortured. I don’t get anything done. Voices are harsh tonight and I can’t focus and I need to redo grocery list and pick up tomorrow twice two different stores and oil change Tuesday and I JUST WANT TO QUIT DRIVING BUT NO ONE LETS ME. I’m not a safe driver I get so distracted and more  

Also, everyone expects me to do all this shit for them all day. I need rest. I’m disabled. I can’t anymore. I’ll end up dead. 
 

I just want to go to sleep but - things. The yelling. I’m a piece of shit for not doing everything for everyone. It’s so much pressure to be fake for everyone though. I haven’t made my niece 1 hat this year yet. Auntie = fail. I know. I suck. I have “all this free time.....” please someone 

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I am so scared about the US elections tomorrow. I am afraid that if Trump wins my paranoia will grow exponentially and/or I will fall into a deep dark depression. I am already scared my Trump supporting neighbors will kill me tomorrow because they know I voted for Biden. I am afraid civil unrest is going to consume the country. I don't want to leave my house for a week at least. Sorry if I offend you but Trump is the worst thing that has ever happened to America and he is a little shit for making people so scared with his violent and bigoted rhetoric. How do I maintain my sanity? What do I do if Trump is re-elected? 

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  • 2 weeks later...
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“All the moments of life have been leading up to this point.” I just heard that. It was weird and I’m scared. I have to stay alive for the sake of others. My parents already lost one child. It should have been me instead though, right? But I also feel afraid though that the universe is coming after my life one way or another. 

Anyway, I better eat a piece of bread or something (just to get something in my body) and head to bed (it’s just about 6 pm). I don’t know what else to do right now. I’m scared. 

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I wish I hadn’t heard the words that lead to the message from the universe telling me that no one likes me. It’s really broken my heart. I just can’t believe it still. I can’t move past it. It hurts me greatly. I am just a burden that no one likes. Nothing can change my mind I don’t think. I heard everything.

Ok. Going to bed for real now. The universe is out to destroy me. Why now?

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  • 3 months later...
On 11/15/2020 at 7:32 PM, Wonderful.Cheese said:

I wish my neighbor would stop taking pictures of me while I workout. If or when she tries to bring them to the police she is the one that will be in trouble. It’s illegal. I didn’t give her permission to do that. 

This.

I know my neighbors (certain ones) and the mailman are trying to take pictures of me inside or outside my home. 

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So someone is stealing my identity or video recording me. They know details of me that aren’t possible to know without a video or more. I’m so rattled. And I can’t say much more. My day has been awful. I feel like crap. I don’t know what to do. 

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