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Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?

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I'm actually doing well considering it is a Saturday.

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I've been okay. I've been kinda paranoid and withdrawn lately but that's nothing new. I've recently been drifting in and out of psychotic episodes where one minute I'll be freaking out over someone watching me and hear people laughing at me and talking about me, next minute I won't have a care in the world and I'll know I'm just being paranoid. But other than that, I'm okay :)

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So glad the weekend is over and went by fairly fast.  Maybe the anxiety/irritability will lessen a little now.

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hello hello

 

where is melli

 

 

I miss her muchly

 

i've missed you, too, frog friend x

 

We miss melli too

wondering same

 

We feel lost

don't know Where to Belong

Voices?

Others?

?

 

cheers for everyone

 

cheers for you as well. though not around, you are one i know is always cheering/sending positive things. x

 

 

melissa emailed to pass along your well wishes, which i would've replied sooner but i've not been super emaily of late, but which i hope you all know i really appreciate (both the wishes and the emails). thank you xx

 

as for me...been away for a bit. obviously. but not in the hospital or in trouble. fortunately. got burned out on in person social interaction and was having a hard time recovering from it. too much at once. had an eps flare (akathisia, mostly) that was due to my own negligence of filling the daily assurance pill compartments properly (somehow didn't put any cogentin in) and lasted a bit and i know it's weird/off putting for me to be here when i can't type and look all garbled, which just adds to my distress generally, but that's improved. obviously. met with cognitive remediation person today and learned i have to do more assessments (a panss and something else...i forget...naturally, thus the need for the cognitive remediation). i think that was my misunderstanding though. bit nervous about that, though i doubt it's anything i've not taken, so unsure why. well, wait, no, i guess "why" is prolly because a lot is on the line and what does it mean if i don't pass or whatever? not good. it means i've not met minimum time stable and/or i'm not deemed treatment responsive. the former is likely just fact, the latter just crushing to consider.

 

hope this finds others well. xx

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Hey Mell,

 

It is really nice to see you back :)  Glad you posted :)

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hi melissa : )  it's nice to be back around. x

 

sanity : D so glad to see you as well. i know summer sucks for you, but hope it's not been too rough? i feel like my ativan is too high, too. but then i'm afraid of catatonia...but then i read dosages others are on (though, mostly not for that) and feel like i'm just being drugged. unsure if similar, but sympathies either way. x

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Music is really helping me get through today.  It is only 8:15 AM though so maybe I shouldn't say that yet :P

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I only slept a fuckin hour.  One hour.  Better than nothing but I needed more.

 

I got a vanilla/coconut milkshake when I got up though :D

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Hi Mel!

 

I'm really fucking nervous about my pdoc appt today

I have to make a choice about ECT

If so...I have to go back into the hospital

He may put me there anyway

I'm nervous

I don't wanna go back

But my treatment team thinks this is my best option

I can't make decisions like this

I'm usually forced into hospitals...I don't go voluntarily

But I'll have to go to get the ECT

Gahh I'm really nervous

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I only slept a fuckin hour.  One hour.  Better than nothing but I needed more.

 

I got a vanilla/coconut milkshake when I got up though :D

  

I feel your not-sleeping pain. My sleep problems have been almost eradicated since I started on zopiclone, but I still have the odd 1-2 hour night. Hell.

Hi Mel!

 

I'm really fucking nervous about my pdoc appt today

I have to make a choice about ECT

If so...I have to go back into the hospital

He may put me there anyway

I'm nervous

I don't wanna go back

But my treatment team thinks this is my best option

I can't make decisions like this

I'm usually forced into hospitals...I don't go voluntarily

But I'll have to go to get the ECT

Gahh I'm really nervous

I'm no fan of the hospital, but if you think ECT would be the best thing for you, I guess you'll have to go there. I hope you'll be okay. My thoughts are with anyone who has to go to psych hospital for any reason.

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Hi Mel!

 

I'm really fucking nervous about my pdoc appt today

I have to make a choice about ECT

If so...I have to go back into the hospital

He may put me there anyway

I'm nervous

I don't wanna go back

But my treatment team thinks this is my best option

I can't make decisions like this

I'm usually forced into hospitals...I don't go voluntarily

But I'll have to go to get the ECT

Gahh I'm really nervous

 

hey teapot! so glad to see you x

 

i hope your appointment goes better than you fear. i totally relate to not going voluntarily, but it really is just easier to do ect inpatient. i found, at least. i tried to do some outpatient but i was just too fucked up after the first few rounds and i don't remember once they really got going with the 3x week bilateral, which, if memory serves (though it might not), we had the same kind...i think...and you know how it is...it's easier to just pass out in the bed right there than get shuffled around. plus, if you get headaches and shit they can help right away. and you're already there so you don't have to get up early and sort yourself and blah blah blah...they do all the work : )

 

i know it sucks, but it helped you last time . i'm so with you on not wanting to do it again and i'd have a really hard time deciding, too. whatever decision you make, know i'm thinking of you and hope you're feeling better soon. xx

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Hey melli! So happy to see you here! Sorry about the eps flare. Mistakes happen. Luckily I'm not in charge of filling my pill boxes nor do I have to have them all in my house. Way too tempting to take a bunch. But I would like to get off monitored daily meds. Blah.

Oops I need to make lunch for husband and I now. Will be back later.

Take care everyone!

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hey cheese :) so happy to see you, too x

 

i have issues with other people, other than pharmacist, touching my meds. even the bottles. i don't want them messed with. though, so partner and father offer, offer, offer ...and then when i'm like, back the fuck off and don't touch my meds....stop offering... i just don't have that level of trust about medication in general, unfortunately. monitored meds were hell for me. they would come in sealed container and i'd open and they do the check, but if they touched them...fuck that noise. no way. take me in because there are just too many variables. they hospital is the worst for that and i always end up getting into some argument that lands me unpleasantly because they bring them in cups... and i'm pretty rigid on my thoughts that they contaminate medication cups.

 

 

bon appetit! i really need to go to day program this afternoon and demonstrate i'm a good patient and so forth, but i'm dreading assessments and feeling like holing up in my house instead. plus it's humid outside. gross.

 

hope this finds others well xx

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We are under a tornado warning right now and I am really hoping we don't lose electricity.

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