My partial hospitalization therapy group leader forbade me to talk about my chronic pain and it's emotional toll on me.
Hi, I am kitties. I am a newbie here, but not to illness. I have chronic pain 24/7 in my back and neck.
Mentally....here are my diagnoses (got a second and third opinion....all objective and a consensus of the exact same diagnoses.)
Bipolar 1 with psychosis, extreme, treatment resistant, rapid cycling. Mixed features predominant. Never had a remission to date...just a couple of weeks with my bipolar disorder. “Normal” for a few weeks a couple of times per year. No anxiety remission.
OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, PTSD...I think that is everything. Oh, I am significantly affected by a very strong dose of agoraphobia stemming from my PTSD and Panic Disorder.
I have a great psychiatrist and I e been in treatment with him a since 2006. I had a great therapist that had a co-transference issue and I ultimately ended my therapy with him. I have tried four therapists since firing the aforementioned therapist - but I unfortunately have lost faith in the process.
I am a night owl by nature and it has really ramped up since being declared disabled in 2009/SSDI/cannot work. I struggle with having a “routine,” although I have read that one with bipolar disorder tends to be more stable with a routine. I’m easily overstimulated so I like the quiet and darkness..
I know I have an eating disorder (anorexia, restricting type), but I politely yet firmly said I have had “eating issues” but I have no desire to “go there.” My psychiatrist respects that although I am subject to a monthly weigh-in and I self-manage it.
I am currently relapsing right now, unfortunately. But, I have had it for so many years that I know at what weight my body and mind take a turn for the worst. And I have to rein it back in and stop losing (meaning eat more). I’ll never seek treatment as the recovery model, IMO, is ridiculous. Kudos to those that have been able to “recover.”
I take a bunch of meds, mainly psych meds
I like to read, Enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. Internet. I like learning things, I am currently and reading up on world history (pre-USA). I keep up with psychology and sociology.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
I'm so fucking tired of this damn war on drugs. The persecution of doctors and even pharmacists (YES - PHARMACISTS are losing their licences in FL for filling "too many" 100% legit scripts - not forgeries, but by doctors with active DEA credentials appropriately medicating -- not some crazy ass amount of oxycodone or worse). It leaves people like me, in chronic hard-core pain (that's only gotten worse) crying in bed from the pain. Doctors are too afraid to treat their patients.
Meanwhile.. it's all about the poor, innocent, helpless victims of a world where pain meds exist and they've gone out of their way to get shit illegally - over -and over - and over again in order to feed a habit rather than face up to their internal demons. And it's a DISEASE. REALLY? REALLY? FUCK THAT SHIT! It's a CHOICE. Mental issues and a physical predisposition exists, but taking one damn 5mg hydrocodone does not make someone an addict for life and take free will out of one's control.
People are dying from Fentanyl made to look like other shit. Well, it is an illegal drug market about money and regular deaths when dealers get pissed off. What the hell do you really expect. Yet they're the "Victims". No. Victims don't make consistent choices over the course of months or even years to do something they're fully aware of the consequences of and decide they don't care and would rather be high and risk it. And still continue to risk it, knowing it's on the market. What do they do - buy test strips. It's like personal responsibility no longer exists. Probably because politicians sons and daughters are getting addicted. It couldn't possibly be the environment they were raised in, or that they have personal issues -- nope, it's gotta be caused by some evil in the shadows that came after their poor, innocent children and hurt them.
You don't become an addict overnight and you don't get over it overnight. It's a long slow process made up of many choices. People aren't so idiotic that they don't know what that choice they're making is. Noo.. addiction is all about the drugs being there; whereas, mental illness is a conscious personal failing you should just be able to magically get over & not doing so is a choice.
I just saw a neurologist. He said I'd just have to live with the pain cause I've been on all the psych meds.. and throwing opiates at it isn't a reasonable thing. ...... Yet, after all the psych meds that were never developed to handle fibromyalgia.. the OFFICIAL medication treatment guideline says : OPIATES. And the really sad thing is - it works for mine.
Honestly, .. I've thought about going and buying the fake shit that's actually fentanyl, dissolving it in two quarts (or even gallons) of liquid, and dosing it in tsp. Actually seems pretty damn cost effective considering the price of medications. I'm not going to do it. There's probably other shit in there that'll mess with my MI chemistry/meds too. But I considered it.
This system is fucked.
You find yourself beating your shoulder with a household hammer at 5am just to try to get some relief so you can sleep.
(Share your ridiculous attempts at easing the suffering. We've all been there...might as well get a head shake and a hear hear out of it.
I like to animate mine with quick sketches. ..because it soothes my mind, even if my body won't catch on...where's my hammer...)
bipolar 2 + chronic undiagnosable stomach pain EXISTS. there are many forums posts of other hopeless people, ignored by doctors. mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, antidepressants do NOTHING for the pain. cannabis helps but some bipolar folk cannot handle weed, nor is it socially acceptable to be stoned all day. gabapentin helps a little more than whisky or valium. only opiates work...as far as i know. even a small dose of opiates goes a long way. this condition turns people into heroin addicts because doctors won't prescribe opiates. suboxone/buprenorphine does very little for the pain.
KURT COBAIN had the exact same condition!! he killed himself because he had a personality disorder and wanted to be an "eternal" "authentic" generational icon, not because of opiates, in my opinion
I have chronic pain (a peripheral neuropathy). The only thing I've found that actually reduces the pain is vicodin. I've tried tramadol, gabapentin, cymbalta, other SNRIs, tricyclic antidepressants, lyrica, physical therapy, massages, acupuncture, meditation, CT guided nerve blocks, medical marijuana, nitrous oxide, muscle relaxers, ice packs, hot baths, tens unit, topical lidocaine, and probably other things that I'm forgetting. None of these gave me pain relief, and several made the pain worse. Vicodin works, and it's made me a functional human being.
I take 7.5 mg hydrocodone pills once or twice a day. Some days I can go without taking it. My pain fluctuates from terrible to bearable, and I like the fact that I can choose when to use the medication. It makes me feel like I'm less likely to grow dependent on it. My pain doctor wants me to switch over to Kadian (extended release morphine), 20 mg in the morning and 20 mg in the evening. This freaks me out. I don't WANT to take opiates every day. I'm scared that if I start that, I'll be on them FOREVER. I know withdrawal is awful, and I don't want to have to deal with it. With Vicodin, I can go days without taking it and not feel any problematic symptoms. My pain doctor insists that sporadically taking Vicodin is no different than taking morphine every day. I... don't understand that.
I'm not asking for medical advice here. Just opinions. I've been taking Vicodin for two years without any need to raise my dose. It still works great. Am I being unreasonable? Should I get over myself and switch over to morphine?