I hope I fit in

[Argonaut]

I recently got a new regular doctor.

I had to get normal stuff done for asthma and prescription inhalers.

So the first two visits were taken up with that type of ordinary routine.

I did list psych drugs on my script list saying they were for overall tension.

 

Librium-Elavil-Trilafon  ( << Sort of old school)

 

He countered with a three point proposal to my three point proposal which is cool.

I totally chickened out on taking the meds and it is going to be tough to admit it to him.

Before I accepted the meds (Zoloft) I checked them against my diagnosis's and they were on label uses.

 

It has just been a really long time.

Official diagnosis are Schizophrenia (Disorganized) and Alcoholism.

 

I used this stress and encounter with a stranger-doctor to think and see things in a new way.

I have been sober almost 23.5 years after a two year effort of 9-detoxes and 3-rehabilitations.

 

I have a phobia of all things related to doctors hospitals and medicines.

It takes me a long time to prepare my self with reasonable expectations.

 

While recovering from alcoholism I noticed a real rhythum-schedule to the internal pain.

After my brain was truly recovered from the booze (7-9 years) the clock never went away and I came to peace with this sort of bio-rhythum thing that was there and never left.

 

Because I was researching Zoloft I found there was a name ( Cyclothymia) to that repeating emotional cycle of mild lows and mild highs that come and go regularly. It helped me to understand that part of the road I am living. I have never had the stay in bed style magor depression but have had the total thought poverty after the Schizophrenia tries to resurface. For me the disease always tries to follow any new cold or flu virus but usually my body beats it back, but it can come out of the blue also. But the Cyclothymic rythum was always there even before my first bout with schizophrenia at ten. It lasted a year after a disabling flu and pnuemonia, total thought poverty and dream like existence.

 

Contrary to that was a massive attack at 25 years old after a long remission from 10-25.

So I figured I would get a regular Doc and get some self made medical exposure therapy.

 

His proposal number three was a Psydoc refferal which I agreed to on the spot.

Then he kind of backed off with "maybe later" seeing as I agreed so quick and easy.

 

Maybe he thought I was an addict instead of a pharmacophobic.

 

Proposal one was Ativan and proposal two was the Zoloft which got me net researching.

I am more comfortable with shrinks than I am with regular doctors because it is non-physical.

 

So I joined the forum after a lot of reading and wrote this intro.

Friday I'll see him but I am not sure what I'll do or how it shall go but he is a decent person.

Direct, honest, easy going etc.

 

I'm 54 and have learned to ignore most minor symptoms and not get upset about being upset but beyond a certain point I would get help because sobriety became important and made coping with the other stuff possible. So hopefully I man up and admit my psyche diagnosis to the new doctor.

 

This year several times I thought I was hallucinating mildly.

A bat got in my apartment and bit me in my sleep before I got him out.

So I had to get rabies vaccine but I did cure my bat phobia and found the original childhood event.

Second time was funnier because I thought the cops wanted to talk to me but they were preparing

for a bunch of people dressed up like Santa Claus to go jogging for local charity.

 

The wanted my car moved from jog route.

The army of jogging Santa's was real though.

 

At least by provoking myself with exploring stuff I thought about things in a new way.

Hopefully fate shines on Friday and things go the way they should by following natural rhythums.

 

My user ID pix is a magnetic resonance experiment.

It looks like a novel character cooking up a universe.

 

I never admit to Schizophrenia so this is practice before Friday.

Thxs for reading.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hello and Welcome to Crazyboards!  And congratulations on your sobriety.

 

If you didn't do so when you signed up could you please read the User Agreement?  It helps avoid misunderstandings.

 

I hope your new pdoc and you get along well and that you feel comfortable with him.  I know how important that is.

 

Looking forward to seeing you on the Boards!

[mellifluous]

welcome

 

i think it sounds like you'll fit in

i have had a hard time seeing myself as schizophrenic as well

hope to see you around

x

[olga]

Welcome to Crazyboards.  I hope you will let your GP refer you to a psychiatrist.  For the kind of major changes he is proposing, you really ought to be supervised by a pdoc.  Plus, a pdoc isn't going to be shocked in any way at your diagnosis.

 

I hope you like it here.

 

olga

[Hadeharia]

Welcome to the boards!

[Parapluie]

Welcome to CB! I hope you stick around!

[Schizophrenic_Sanity]

Welcome to CB.  

 

I have disorganized schizophrenia too.

[Argonaut]

The doctor visit went pretty smooth.

It helped doing this introduction post first because it stayed in my mind.

 

It was a quick visit so I reminded him he gave me Zoloft last time.

I used that as an excuse to hand him a large index card for each diagnosis.

 

As he was taking them I said "I checked Zoloft against these two official diagnosis and found many people with one or the other or both that take Zoloft and get some relief from it.

 

The magor issue was confiding the psyche diagnosis with him.

I told him "I never tell anyone I have schizophrenia because everyone has their own kinks and twist"

He almost belly laughed but smiled broadly instead. Plus I said "The other two times when I was here I was just getting to know you."

 

He asked me a few standard questions about stuff not on the cards regarding hospitalizations for the psych DX and wether I was still not drinking. I used that as my segway for still wanting Ativan besides the Zoloft to help me force myself through social occasions where there is drinking going on and also some for medical emergencies like bad flu that might be pneumonia and require a ER vist to get the OK to recover at home. So he gave a script for that.

 

So we agreed I would finish my checklist starting again in March with a colesterol blood test and the dreaded "Colonoscopy."  Years ago it was testicular cancer that was the medical fetish now its reality TV  in remote human locations. Ahhhhhh. So I'll get the psyche referral then seeing as the main subject of the psyche DX is on the table.

 

He told me he can't prescribe Anti-Psychotics after I mentioned Zoloft also being a dopamine antagonist. So we agreed on the March area psyche referral on next visit.

 

I am still going to run the official Zoloft test now that I have Ativan as antidote pill against bad reactions. But I figured telling him about the psyche diagnosis and wanting a future Pdoc referal was more important than being **compulsive and guilty** about chickening out on the Zoloft trial run.

 

He asked me if I was hearing voices and I said no. (slight fib)

I told him I have many visual hallucinations and longstanding delusions.

Thankfully he was in his usual medical factory briskness and didn't probe.

The medical facility is like a college campus with 8-12 buildings in the countryside.

My longest standing delusional character gets a huge kick out of the doctors sock fetish.

He wears all kinds of different designer socks from minimalist art deco to florid modern wear.

 

He kept his mouth shut zipped tight when the doctor was there. Once outside and far away as I put the key in the car door lock this particular character piped in with "Our business with Dr Goodsoxs is properly concluded" we both burst out laughing really hard once we made it into the car.

 

Everybody has drugs they find very useful and others that aren't worth the pain.

Zanex is like that for me, it works great to ease ticks twitches twinges and helps me to look presentable and totally present and accounted for but it wears off fast so I have to time it just right.

 

I hate Zanex and the hangovers. I tested the Ativan twice.

Its like valium in that once you take it you can not have any more caffeine or it jams the effect.

 

Not sure when I'll run the great Zoloft test yet.

This is a good article about someone who found Zolft useful.

http://espn.go.com/los-angeles/mlb/story/_/id/8952777/zack-greinke-los-angeles-dodgers-says-problems-anxiety

 

So it was a pretty smooth visit

 

Thank You for the kind welcomes !

[mellifluous]

glad to hear your appointment went well : )

 

my main psychiatrist has a penchant for sweater vests

 

i've observed

 

funny how those things stick out

 

i've not taken zoloft but glad it works well for you!

[Free]

Argonaut, I really enjoyed your introduction. I am real glad your doc listened to you and let you have the Ativan. It's so helpful when those of us who are used to trying to make a drug cocktail work are allowed to tell them "Hey, I need this or that to get through this" and they listen. Sometimes, that is why I am afraid to move from where I live because my PA that I see for 10 years now knows me and does not treat me like I am a drug seeker because I need Ativan sometimes.