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I don't do it to feel something


zeekers
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Everyone has different reasons for self-harming. In the past, I self-harmed for similar reasons to you. And I know the remorse you speak of. 

 

We have a focus on recovery here in this board. Would you like to talk about how you can avoid self-harming? 

 

You deserve respect, kindness and compassion. You really do. 

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I self injure to help cope with intense emotions: guilt, self-hatred, anger, irritability, depression, anxiety. I also hated looking at what I did to myself and wished I could cope like "normal" people.

I'm sorry you feel like you need to punish yourself. Despite some of the worst things people have done to me and its been bad, I'd never wish the emotional pain or inflict the injury I do to myself on them.

I know that it is really difficult but I'm glad you posted here and hope that you find what you need.

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  • 1 month later...

Self harm can serve many functions for us, sometimes different functions at different times.

The imporant thing is to work with your care team to understand what needs self harm is meeting for you so that you can move toward less risky ways of managing your needs.

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I'm the same, i never did it to feel anything, i remember as an adolescent doing it and onot minding it at all, it was fascinating or sometimes i was bored and just wanted to look at the blood because it was calming. these days its like a form of repentance for me. when i do something wrong i know its my duty to cut myself. if i feel bad then i know i need to cut myself and i do it because the blood is a sacrifice and because i need to wear the scars as a form of humiliation for evil deeds. there were times when i felt like the emotional turmoil would end if i gave "it" blood, and it did. its my duty to hurt and to punish myself.

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Thank you Titania, that was so well written and true. i battle though between what i know and what i do. when i started cutting i was in the fifth grade and it was because after fights with my mom i left feeling bad, with no resolution when i went to my room, so i cut myself and i felt like i could move on. it helped a lot. but then i started cutting for no reason, sitting in school even i would cut myself just because. i got older and realized it doesnt help in actuality but its conditioned. i frequently cut for no reason and i dont understand that. sometimes i am very happy, i am just bored and so i cut because over the years i started to like it. i feel like a pervert saying it but i like the whole process now to the point of letting others cut me. i like the scars even, they're fascinating to me. i have found better ways to deal with emotions but im not sure about my interest in cutting. i dont know if its wrong or if its okay to...actually like cutting. i dont know. i feel strange saying all this. sometimes i just want to cut myself but i'm not supposed to because people see it as a coping mechanism. maybe it still is, i dont know. i have trouble understanding it. I am very scarred now on my arms and legs, i worry when im older if i get over the fascination i will be very embarrassed. people have asked if i have tatoos or a skin disease when quickly seeing my legs.

Edited by cosmeticplague
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I always did it out of anger, either because I was the only person I could cut without risking jail or because I knew it would upset the person I was angry at. I've come VERY close to returning to self-harm after quitting in 2011 over the last month after some traumatic things happened in my life. But what many are saying here is true--it doesn't solve the underlying problem and only creates more issues in the moment. I don't need more issues.

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