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it's always something: persistent EPS sucks balls

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stability is most elusive

and it's so exhausting

always running and adjusting

never trusting now

insight is a gift akin to pandora's hope


that's not my point this round though

so won't bang on about it

it's that there's always something cropping up

mucking up whatever peace i've scraped up

out of everything being nothing unvanquished untarnished


so now i have an adjustment becuase they're push push pushed me to here now

but i slept all of a handful of hours and now popped up awake

and awaiting the other feet to fall

not a biped

i asked yesterday about maximums just to gauge


it's a lot more than now

but still...it's like how when did the illness itself become insufficient hell?

with each one of any there's the eps

and i mean for fuck's sake; this is just fucking cruel

ok, ok, ok, ok, ok coming out and swirling round but nowhere -thing -one is


least of all me despite earnest efforts making zero headway really

always in flux such that that's the balance

the flux

which makes sense that the grounding would be

dynamic but why does it always feel so stressful off kilter?


i am coming to think that's just how this will manifest forever permanently shaping me formless

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