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I'd rather sit in the damn car.

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My husband and I work together in the same department.. we had a Christmas party at work and I begged him to just drop me off because I didn’t want to go but he thought I'd change my mind by the time we got there.


Our co-workers are a bunch of assholes who I pretend to like during the day. I hate being around my boss also, it's hard for me to conceal my emotions.


My husband offered last minute to drop me off at home, but I didn’t want to inconvenience him so I told him I’d stay in the car while he went to the party. So I sat in the car for over an hour.


I was so much happier being in the car staring off into the parking lot than socializing with people at a Christmas Party.


When he was trying to convince me to go with him, I felt like someone was trying to push me off the edge of a ravine, I was hanging on for dear life in tears with how badly I did not want to go to this Christmas Party.

Does anyone else feel this way in social settings? I feel like I can't connect with anyone to want to have a friendship with them. Most days I don't even connect with my husband or kids, I'm so out of touch with life.

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I can "do" social very well, if I have to or if I choose to but either way it is physically and emotionally draining for me.  I'm running on some sort of "high alert" status, trying to keep up with what's going on, unwritten rules and conventions, parallel noticing and processing, when one channel one focus is where I'm at home and comfortable.

I've never quite worked out what most parties are FOR anyway, which doesn't help.


So, Is the game worth the candle is the question for me.  Either in terms of an actual good but exhausting time, or whether the energy expenditure is less or greater than the hassle I'm likely to get  if I don't join in where attendance is expected.


"But it'll be fun..." as far as I'm concerned displays a failure of theory of mind (something we autistics get accused of) 

It's a mainstream person assuming that all folk work like mainstream folk.  



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Introvert here. Although DH and I are planning to go to a Skeptics meetup; it is very casual, no one will try to convert us (we in the beating heart of Latter Day Saints, remember).  And we need friends aside from my best friend, however much I enjoy doing stuff together with her.


Plus, it t seems like a lot of DH's anxiety was based on having seizures anywhere and everywhere. But now, he is in a clinical trial for a Keppra metabolite (Keppra made him evil), and the  level seizure control has been mind-blowing.  Maybe 2 seizures a month, always in his sleep, and when I wake him, he is still seizing, but able to carry on a coherent conversation with me, and take medication. He is becoming more outgoing.

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  • 1 month later...

I like people a lot and long to be around them, but am always afraid they will see my crazy so I get very anxious too. I fear being touched so that makes social events in crowded spaces difficult. I long to feel safe enough with someone to let them touch me too though so I am basically just torn. Kinda funny when you think about it huh? I'm one of many so in a sense I am already a piece torn off and yet within myself I feel further torn.

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