Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org





How old were you..


Recommended Posts

How far back can you remember having an eating disorder or using food to numb your emotions?

 

I have such lifelike memories of being 4 years old sneaking into the kitchen during a family party to binge eat.. Years of hiding food so no one saw me eat even as a child, it makes me so sad. I've always had negative feelings around food. WB has done wonders to help me stop binge eating, I still eat to suppress my emotions just not in such grandiose quantities anymore  <_< .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 40
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

I was diagnosed with an ED at 15 years old.  I was really fat before that, and I as I look back I had food issues before that.  I remember being in 4th grade and for the first time I thought how I felt "fat."  I wasn't fat at that time.  However I didn't know how to be "not fat," so I went along with life.  No one had taught me/told me how to watch my weight, and eventually I soared up to a high weight by 9th grade.  Then I got my tonsils out at 15 years old, which started everything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember being like 4 and thinking man, I'm a size 6X and I feel thin and good and not fat. Wtf? I was big for my age always though. Needed plus size clothes. And like melissa I was never taught how to eat right or get exercise. Now I know better but my parents didn't teach me anything about that. I wish they had.

I was diagnosed at age 12-13 with anorexia. My parents never hospitalized me but took me to therapy, which I hated. I refused treatment and eventually just got better on my own. I'm NOT recommending that though at all. My parents failed me big time. My pediatrician told me that he wasn't going to let me die. But later my mom said she thought she'd have to start planning my funeral. I was also very suicidal. Ugh. Not good times.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Ugh. Not good times.

 

Exactly.

 

Fortunately after 20 years (around 2008) I started to recover and it took awhile, but I have had no issues for a very long time.  I doubt I'll ever slip back into the ED because I know what it is like now to not have one, and it definitely beats having one. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember not even being in school yet (4 or 5?) and becoming incredibly uncomfortable after I'd eaten a normal sized meal with my family because I thought I looked "pregnant" and I'd get anxious and shit. Then when I was 10 I thought I was chubby and cried about that all the time but no one ever said I was or anything. I just weighed what a normal ten year old would and flipped out for some reason.

 

Restricting/purging started at 12 finally. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know how old I was, but it was before my mom allowed me to be in control of what snacks and how many of them I could eat. I would sneak to the kitchen and forage junk food into my bedroom. I used to even sneak downstairs to my aunt/uncle/cousins' apartment and snag some of their snack foods if we didn't have any in my apartment. Not much has changed besides it getting worse and now I compensate for it after. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I remember always being ashamed of what I ate.

my parents were always dieting

my grandma used food to cover up feelings and taught me to do the same - there was no such thing as too much with her

sad here's ice cream   oh you like rice I made a large pot eat half

happy eat  sad eat

i'd go home to my parents telling me I was fat

and that I need to exercise more

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

I struggle to remember a time when i was not funny about food. I would throw my food away at lunchtimes aged 9, and i was a fussy eater, developing food phobias very young, i began restricting at 14 after examining my developing body in the mirror, i also had mini binges. I thought i was fat from age 4. I began purgeing at 16.

Edited by neptunesky
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I developed an eating disorder around 17, I had severe depression due to an emotional time that now when I look back on it know I behaved ridiculously. I basically stopped eating and threw up all the time, scared my Mom. I will tell you that I have never told anyone, even my therapist that I still suffer. I am a bit overweight but I have boughts of bulimia especially when I am feeling depression and not feeling good about myself. I binge and then feel guilty so void it. Guilt seems to surround certain parts of my life even though the rational part of me says "you have nothing to feel guilty for". People pick on bulimia and think it's funny.. and no one in my life would guess I suffer from it. But just this year I have realized I do just not to a dangerous extent, whatever that means.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

Ugh. Not good times.

 

Exactly.

 

Fortunately after 20 years (around 2008) I started to recover and it took awhile, but I have had no issues for a very long time.  I doubt I'll ever slip back into the ED because I know what it is like now to not have one, and it definitely beats having one. 

 

 

I realize this is a very late response to your post, Melissa, but I wanted to say how awesome your recovery is.  Thanks for giving me hope. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

 

Ugh. Not good times.

 

Exactly.

 

Fortunately after 20 years (around 2008) I started to recover and it took awhile, but I have had no issues for a very long time.  I doubt I'll ever slip back into the ED because I know what it is like now to not have one, and it definitely beats having one. 

 

 

I realize this is a very late response to your post, Melissa, but I wanted to say how awesome your recovery is.  Thanks for giving me hope. 

 

 

You're welcome! Thank you! :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I started restricting when 3 months ago. I was 16 then. I know it wasn't very long ago that it started but it's still hard. My parents started to notice me getting skinnier so told my therapist about it. Soon after I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with an eating disorder.  I'm working towards my goal of recovery. Before this it got pretty bad. I was constantly on a pro ana site and eating at most a meal a day. Some days nothing. They weren't even full meals though just a few bites. It's really difficult but I hope to overcome this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I've always been aware of myself as being bigger, at least since my sister started to look tall and gangly, so probably when I was about 5/6? Although I wasn't, I was really skinny as a kid, all elbows and knees. My younger sister has longer limbs and has always been taller. She'd get comments about being thin, and needing to eat more. 'get that down you, you're wasting away' was my Nan's favourite. I think my ED started because I wanted someone to tell me to eat because I was wasting away.

 

I got confused about food, they said Sarah had to eat more, but never commented on me. And then I'd eat all my dinner and I'd get 'where did you put that' or 'goodness me Elsa, you ate that fast'. I just started to think I was a clumsy eater that gobbled up everything in sight, whilst sarah daintily grazed and looked like she was dying because she was that thin. We both had very fast metabolisms as kids, but her's was faster. My mum was reported to social services by the school because Sarah was underweight and she bruised so easily. But in reality she ate like a pig and was a tomboy that was always jumping off her bunkbed or the swing. It really upset my mum, and nothing ever came of social services, but I remember feeling like I wanted to be ill, to be noticed.

 

It's pretty sick. And I still do it now. I get attention for being ill, and its the best feeling in the world. I never really thought it was connected to me ED but I think my ED stemmed from that. I was diagnosed with EDNOS in my late teens but I started to heavily restrict when I was 14. I joined pro anorexia forums because in my mind I couldn't even have an eating disorder properly. I would starve myself for weeks and then binge and purge for months, then starve again. I had no idea that it was an ED until I started having heart issues and my school picked up on it.

 

I loved the attention, but I was terrified of it being taken to the point of hospilisation or a programme where I would have to eat. I was the same weight from the age of 12 to the age of 18. I would punish myself for never being able to lose weight. I had a 5lb range I would stay in and I thought I was a failure. Now I know that developing and growing up I wasn't gaining weight and staying the same was basically as bad as losing because of my height and stuff.

 

Now I've had 2 years of binge and purging and I'm 20lbs heavier. I was 35lbs heavier but I#m back on THAt wagon again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...