Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

I just recently came to realize that my seeming inability to give one single shit about the way I live is related to depression. Of course, it only adds to the "you're a fucking freak" tape that plays constantly in my head.

 

I am moving soon, once again with the hope that maybe this time will be better, maybe I will care and will vacuum and all that stuff that normal people do.

 

Then I feel like maybe I should not move, I should just try to get better here, but that feels like self-punishment.

 

The walls in this apartment are a khaki color and I think it contributes greatly to my depression, and they do not allow painting, so that is one of the main reasons I want to move.

 

Bah. so filled with self-loathing right now. I have days off and I literally do not get out of bed for five days other than to feed and walk my dog.

 

I feel like a fraud. I go to work, people think I am normal, and then I go home to squalor.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

The walls in this apartment are a khaki color and I think it contributes greatly to my depression, and they do not allow painting, so that is one of the main reasons I want to move

Oh man... I SO resonate with this.

 

In the past when I needed to establish a whole new routine I found FlyLady to be helpful. But that was also when I was pretty much totally disabled by my symptoms.

 

Now I prefer Unfuck Your Habitat.

 

Maybe one of those might help? I like UYH talks about adaptive "unfucking" for those of us with physical or mental health issues.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tend to think this could cut two ways, and given what human brains can do to themselves possibly both ways at the same time.

 

Yes, a brighter, tidier environment can help one feel better.  There the exercise and activity itself is often positive, the satisfaction of "job done" happening as things get ticked off, the self-proof that one is not "stuck"...

On the other hand there can be a nasty beating oneself up  for not being perfect, or matching ideals, when one is loaded enough just getting through the day (and coping with work, often as a major demand) without dumping a big list of "you ought to" items on one's own back to feel even more guilty and worthless about.

 

No, no easy fix or balance have I got to offer, but just an awareness of both tendencies, if appropriate, so a negotiation between them can be made, perhaps.

"A bit at a time."  is one route.

 

Another, if finances allow, is buying in some cleaning or decorating help (perhaps on the move, as a one-off?)  

That gives a move towards the better environment which is easier to feel good about without the fight for finding the energy or enthusiasm to do it.  Yes, not everyone has the money available (to put it mildly!) but it can be an option missed.

 

Or for some (it would be be an utter no-no or nightmare for others!) it would give friends or family a chance to "do something"  that they can actually do, instead of being stuck on ".. but I don't know how to help".  You don't need a degree in psychology to paint a wall.

 

 

Just thoughts.

 

Chris,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The walls in this apartment are a khaki color and I think it contributes greatly to my depression, and they do not allow painting, so that is one of the main reasons I want to move.

 

In my apartment all the walls are stark white, and I can't paint either. So I've plastered every inch of bare wall with posters, paintings, decorations, flags. Now it is very colorful and bright, and I feel a lot more at home. 

 

I also relate to being a complete slob. At my worst, my mom would drive an hour to "help" me clean up the pigsty I lived in because I was just too depressed and didn't give a shit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel better once I organize and arrange my living space.  Managing my external environment gives me some semblance of control of what's going in my mind.  It's like hitting a reset button.  I feel more motivated and focused after I get through a good cleaning and organizing session.  I just moved into an apartment, today actually, and I'm looking forward to being able to have a place of my own to fix up and customize to my inclinations.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am the slob of slobs. There are a zillion reasons why it was a good idea for DH and I not to have children (first among them being we didn't want kids), but I really think that by the end of our stay in our last place, if the police were in our house (which they were a couple of times because of Jason's seizures) with kids, they would have been taken.

 

At the same time, my dog is pampered and fussed over, and really doesn't give a shit about the mess.

 

Woo, I really like the Unfuck Your Habitat site. I seriously believe we are two hours of solid work away from having a clean house, but my head hurts all the fucking time. At least things are not becoming catastrophic, we are in much better shape than we have been at any of the other places we have lived. The kitchen is our downfall, and right now, the pots and knives that don't go into the dish washing machine are the only things that are dirty, although the counter needs cleaning.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Although I know it is linked to depression, I just want to say that being a slob is also, well, kind of normal and not restricted to people with MI. I'm not saying that being tidy is abnormal, just that there is a very broad spectrum of normal when it comes to home cleanliness - part of the reason why there are so many house cleaning services available. So don't beat yourself up too much about it; I try to tell myself that my bad cleaning habits are probably the most normal thing about me. heh.

 

(Off to check out Unfuck Your Habitat, if only because I like the title)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am a total slob. I cant blame it on my illness. I am just a slob. I wash dishes only when all of my dishes are dirty. Then I usuallly live on TV dinners and use plastic utensils. My house is a mess too.

I have a housekeeper that comes once a montth which forces me to pick up my clothes, organize my paperwork, and do dishes. I am on disability, so I really  have no excuse.

 

This will be my New Years Resolution.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love Unfuck your Habitat. It's good motivation.

 

I am chronically untidy and constantly acquiring things, which has led my therapists in the past to suggest that I have a hoarding issue. Maybe so. You can still see (some of) the carpet though, so it's not bad enough to warrant an appearance on an exploitative reality TV show.

 

We are planning on moving into a larger place soon, and one of my goals is to hire a cleaning person to come every other week or so to keep us on track. I'm optimistic that it'll work. I've kept places tidy before, but only when totally hypomanic. It's a daily struggle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...