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I used to think that because it seemed like it was here full force one day. But looking back, I think it was something I had traits for that gradually developed over time and was definitely exacerbated with certain events in my life. Do you think yours was event triggered.

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When I first read up about BPD after my pdoc diagnosed me, I thought hell no I can't be BPD. Much of the internet defined BPD as uncaring and manipulative, something I did not agree with.

However, after awhile of doing more in depth research, it slowly made sense. The suicide attempts (there were many), the hospitalizations (there were even more), self harm episodes, the abandonment issues.

Just when I thought this BPD thing might have developed as a teenager..after my mother dying of cancer and my father abandoning us a year later - then one day something struck me - when I was very young - the long upsetting tantrums I would often have which were fueled by one thing: lack of validation for my feelings.

My mother was particularly unempathetic. I wasn't one of those kids who needed to get their way..we grew up rather poor.. But just before a full out tantrum would ensue, a hug and to have my feelings validated and told that I would still be loved was all I needed to comply with the rules. I was fairly easygoing as a child. BUT when my emotional stability shook all hell broke loose in the form of tantrums. I would lay on the floor and thrash and scream and cry while my mother would berate me until either my mother would scare me by threatening to beat me or I'd cry myself to sleep.

I can honestly tell you I remember these tantrums and it wasn't about getting my way or being manipulative. It was about craving the love, affection and validation from my mother which she couldn't give. I don't blame my mother. She did the best she knew how.

So for me, I saw signs of BPD forming since early childhood. I think a combination of nature (my genes predispositioning me to having emotional problems) + nurture (the way I was raised and taught to handle emotions very poorly) led me to manifest many of the symptoms we classify as BPD.

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