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My emotions lead me astray, ridiculous mishap


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I don't know if I can capture what my problem is here, but I am going to post about it because I need to vent. Perhaps I just have really sensitive self esteem. Anyway, some May have noticed that I made a post earlier about feeling hurt by what my friends have expressed to me about myself. Well that was a huge over reaction for me to question their genuinity as friends to me. Well, now, here on New Year's Eve, I got into an upsetting quarrel with my mom, over my brother shutting me out our shared bedroom at our hotel where we were staying. My mom patronizingly told me to let it go when I persisted after my younger brother yelled at me to wait. He always locks that damn door when he showers and took his sweet time while my depressed ass was trying to get to bed to sleep. My mom treated me like I was being unreasonable to persist. It physically would not have inconvenienced him that much. Now I am sure I am sounding like an idiot and a brat, but I was brewing bigger emotional contexts in my head at the time. I am 21, I don't know how to stop feeling bad about my lack of direction in life, my brother is very confident and my mom always dismisses me when I try to talk about my feelings because I am probably a pain in the ass.

Anyway, I don't know if this is remotely coherent, but perhaps someone will have something interesting auto say. My very complicated and probably compulsive ways of thinking, would have trouble accepting that. I am just a whiney immature individual, and all the same I know that my reactions are not appropriate. I wish I had better emotional tolerances and also the ability to know when I am I the right. I just hate myself though. I am so petty, it would seem. I try to be more emotionally mature. I don't think my parents think highly of my life so far. See, there are some pretty big self defeating perspectives at work that I have troUble screening out...

Well, happy new year. Hopefully, I stop shooting myself in the foot this life.

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I'm not sure why you needed him to leave the door unlocked in order to go to bed? (sorry perhaps I missed something), however, sometimes it doesn't matter the why's of a situation. I have a tendency to over-react to things sometimes to the point of being irrational, then I find it hard to admit that I was being irrational and will stand my ground to the point where it causes arguments with those I love. Often over something that really shouldn't seem important, but for whatever reason, is to me.

I'm sorry you feel so judged by your parents. We seek to make them proud so it's hard when we feel they disapprove, even more so when we can't help how we are. Often I think it's just because they don't understand.

Sorry I don't have any advice, but I understand. You have my empathy.

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If you are not happy with the way you react to people, perhaps you should be seeing a therapist.  It doesn't much matter what your parents think, or your brother---if you don't like yourself, you will never be happy.  To make major changes like this, I think you need to be in therapy.

 

olga

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