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sometimes I slip into the back of my head and someone more with it runs the show, I take credit for what is said during these times but i'm really just observing and taking notes  mostly this is during confrontation

 

who is this person calling my mom a whore and telling her to choke to death and antagonizing her, not me

 

sometimes I shy away from confrontationanyways   and slip back into childhood  where i'm afraid someone is going to hurt me   I lose myself in this feeling  and everything is so sharp but muted at the same time.  i'm not in control.

 

 

sometimes I just slip away from myself  watch myself like in a movie sometimes i'm floating above my shoulder   sometimes I feel like i'm looking in a mirror.

 

 

I hate the loss of control

I try and keep myself present, but so many things rightnow hurt that I just find myself disappearing into my mind  and reappearing minutes hours sometimes even a day later.

 

 

I  don't know what this is.  i'm afraid one day i'll never come back

Edited by zoesfrogs
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  • 1 month later...

Well I am not a doc but it deffinitely sounds like dissociation to me. Have you thought about asking to be screened for Dissociation? Those feelings of watching instead of doing and floating by yourself instead of being present within yourself are hallmarks of dissociation. Having an internal world so to speak and losing chunks of time are also red flags for a dissociative disorder. There are other disorders that can mimic dissociative disorders in a way though so I think it would be wise to request that your pdoc or tdoc formally screen you for dissociative symptoms. If it helps at all you're not at all alone. I related to everything you described.

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