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This following message is probably upsetting, so yeah: head's up for suicide and self-harm talk.

 

I've been really struggling recently. Attempted suicide 3rd Jan, and was taken to A&E, where a nurse referred me to the local crisis team.

 

Right now, I'm having really... 'bad' thoughts... and I've written a suicide note, but haven't decided on a method yet. Or if I'm actually gonna do it, because honestly, I don't want to make a mess??? I know that's a silly thing to be concerned about, but yeah. [REDACTED - graphic talk of suicide methods]

 

My question is: since I've only self-harmed minimally (superficial cuts on arms and legs) and am pretty much too stupid and scared to kill myself, do I even get to call the crisis team?! I feel like crap, and may overdose today, but... I think, "other people need these services and I don't deserve them."

 

I've also been meaning to get into the doctors as an emergency, but as I say: I sleep all day; I can hardly get outta bed. This is amazing, being up this early tbh (6:40pm)

 

What would the crisis team even do with me?!

Edited by Alien.
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I don't know what a crisis team does exactly so I can't answer what they would do for you, but if anyone deserves to use one, it is you. You are in crisis. Take care of yourself, and please don't do anything that can't be undone. If you are really in danger of hurting yourself by any means, please go to the A&E.

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My question is: since I've only self-harmed minimally (superficial cuts on arms and legs) and am pretty much too stupid and scared to kill myself, do I even get to call the crisis team?! I feel like crap, and may overdose today, but... I think, "other people need these services and I don't deserve them."

 

 

You have as equal right to call the crisis team as anyone else. It's about how you feel, not about how your feelings compare to someone else.

Take care of yourself and call the crisis team, or go to the hospital. Can you ask a friend or a familymember to be with you? Don't be alone at this moment.

 

Take care.

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What jt07 wrote. You need and deserve to get help before something bad happens. I'm confused as to why you weren't hospitalized after your attempt in Jan 3. I know it's hard to get out of bed when you feel this bad, but please do contact either your doctor or the crisis team as soon as possible. You sound like you are in the danger zone, and I am worried for you.

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I doubt they'll take me seriously if I'm not, like, in floods of tears or something. Then again, I'm not sure I want them to take me seriously cos I'm also scared they'll take me to hospital. But I've read something, not addressed to me, but someone else who was in a similar place, "you can come back from hospital. you can't come back from suicide."

 

I feel really, really torn ... plus my partner's mother was pretty angry about the suicide attempt on Jan 3rd, I'm afraid she'll be angry if I call the crisis team, too.

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I doubt that she would be angry if you called the crisis team to get help, but so what if she is? You have to take care of yourself, and that might mean calling the crisis team. I'm sure she'd be more angry if you ever did anything to yourself.

 

I've been in the hospital following a suicide attempt. It was not bad ... not bad at all. In fact, I felt very safe there, kind of like in a cocoon. What you read is so right: you WILL come back from the hospital (probably after only a few days), but you will NOT come back from suicide. And suicide cannot be undone.

 

You mentioned your partner ... do you want to destroy them? Because suicide will suck everyone into devastation, not only you.

 

I think the crisis team will take you seriously even if you are not flowing tears ... sometimes the most dangerous time is when the tears stop.

Edited by jt07
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I agree with jt here.

I'm quite sure your partner's mother would be a lot more angry if you didn't get help and ended up doing something to yourself.

I also think that the seriousness of the situation is not measured by any external signs (tears, cuts or whatever), but by how you are feeling.

There was a link in some thread quite recently (or at least I read it a little while ago) to a suicide prevention site, and something that stayed in my head was a statement that "suicide happens when pain exceeds resources for coping".

I see that comforting in a way. That even though you may have these thoughts at the moment, it is possible to overcome them by finding methods of coping (= getting help from outside when other coping skills are not enough).

 

Having been in a psych ward for quite some time after a suicide attempt, I agree with jt on this also. It really isn't that bad. And it takes some pressure off when you know that you are in a safe environment.

 

Take care.

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I ended up going to hospital after another suicide attempt, they just sent me home after taking bloods and said I was fine and to wait for the crisis team to contact me in two weeks.

 

I still feel pretty terrible.

 

(...I think she's realised, by now, how sick I am because she's not angry anymore.)

Edited by Alien.
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Wow, that's not very good treatment! If you look around the boards, some of the topics pinned by Titania (some are in the forum "The Healthcare System Sucks!" down on the main page) have stuff to do with the UK, since you mentioned you're in the UK elsewhere. She has alot of knowledge about how things work there.

 

I hope you can get some decent help and some peace and taken seriously.

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I feel for you, Alien. To me it's bizarre to need help so badly and not be able to get it. I don't have any advice except to say that I empathize because I don't know much about the healthcare system there. Just don't harm yourself, please. You can and will feel better. I am proof that it is possible because a few years ago I was in the same place that you are in now. But now I am doing well and am much better than I was then. Just hold on until you can get the help that you need.

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