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How often do you get so close to hospitalizing yourself ?


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I was doing O.K. besides a little depression the last few days. You know, the kind where you feel a little down. The kind that messes with you but doesn't tear you a new asshole. Then today strolls around and a mixed episode kicks in. Agitated while depressed. All the things that usually lead to inner peace making me angry, including prayer and listening to my music. I feel psychotic symptoms creeping in - especially disorganized thinking and feeling just spaced out and depersonalized. A lot of intrusive thoughts of worthlessness. A lot of suicidal idealization but knowing I can't do it due to the harm it would cause my daughter and other family members. I nearly picked up the phone to call ERS and see if I should go to the hospital but they usually want you to actuallly have a plan. I don't - I just don't see the purpose of being here any more. I feel like I have given up on things and can't keep my thoughts straight at all. 

 

How many times have you been nearly to the point of hopsitalizing yourself and gotten through it on your own ? I understand I should see my psych doc right away but he is 2 months out and that is just the way it is. I have therapy group tomorrow at 1 PM and a 1 on 1 therapist appt Monday so I am sure I can hang in there but I have got so close to giving up and asking to be hospitlized multiple times tonight. 

 

I dunno, there's a lot more I'd pry like to say but I can't keep my thoughts straight at all ... I'm used to emtional pain but when these mixed episodes creep in and the disorganized thinking starts up - it leads to downward spirals usually .. I can handle a lot of emotional pain is what I guess I am trying to say but when I get liek this it is a lot to bear. 

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Oh man, several times. About twice since I was discharged Oct 24, 2013. Once I "chickened out" when they asked if I wanted to be admitted, and the other time I stayed with a friend for a few days.

 

Sometimes I'll call my pdoc's office, make an emergency appointment, and that will calm me down just having it. He can be hard to get into, but I know it's there, and I just have to hold on (often they call me in sooner, sometimes that day, with a cancellation) for that much longer, and we discuss it.

 

I have hospitalized myself a few times. I have been a voluntary patient more than involuntary. Sometimes it was a pdoc's suggestion, and I've went along with it, though. If you really need the hospital, go to the ER, talk to crisis, see what they can sort out.

 

We have a "safebeds" here, which is a centre that has counselors, they can get you in with your pdoc, they take you to and from appointments, it isn't as restricted as a hospital, they cook, etc, its all free, you stay overnight for up to two weeks as long as you don't qualify for involuntary admission, but do need immediate care. I find they help too. Is there anything like that around you? Try callin 211.

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I'm in the states never heard of 211. I wish there was something like you were describing around here but there definitely is not or I would be heading there no questions asked. 

 

I will try calling Pdoc tomorrow and upping appointment. Probably explain more in depth during group. I'm afraif of calling ERS because they might want me to go and while I want to go in a weird way - I also don't. I also have chickened out twice at the ER since my last hospitilization. This life is frieking exhausting !

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I don't think you can hospitalise yourself in the UK... not that I know of; I probably should be in hospital now, though. I'm a threat to myself I take an overdose, like, every three days now. Normally, like, anti-depressants because they're obviously the first pills on hand. So I guess, anti-depressant overdoses aren't serious. Crisis team don't care. I'm so done. Ugh

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211 is a service available in the US and Canada, I found out about it through writeandshiny (forgot her new nickname! sorry) on here. Free service You can find it online, just google it and your state and city and dial by phone. Just dial 211, I think. They have a directory for mental health and services. I'm in Canada, so I'd google 211 Canada + province.

 

I'm sorry you're so stressed and exhausted. Can you do something soothing, something you enjoy, and try to relax, for even 5 minutes? 

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One time I staved off a potential hospitalisation by working out a care plan with my therapist. At the time, I really did not want to be hospitalised. We wrote down a list of what I would do to distract and calm myself when things got bad. So for me, it was playing video games, listening to music, going for a walk, calling crisis lines for help, etc. In a way I found that helpful, because it helped me with learning self-soothing techniques. However, if things do get really bad, don't hesitate to go to the nearest hospital because things can get pretty hellish. 

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I don't get close to hospitalization any more. I would do ANYTHING to stay away from the hospital and ER.  In the past I was hospitalized every month (literally), and always in the ER, but since finding my current pdoc I have wanted nothing to do with the hospital.  That is the last place I want to be, only because I know no matter what it would make matters worse.  Fortunately I can page pdoc 24/7 and see him last minute if needed.

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Over here i cannot admit myself to hospital without a psychiatrist referal, i tried getting admitted last night to get a medicine change because i came off it due to side effects and was startng to feel the symptoms returning and i got told no.

 

It's actually harder to get into hospital here voluntary than you think

 

Most of the time they let you get out of control to the point of involuntary before putting you in hospital

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I understand how you feel, I'm feeling rather...pointless lately, it really sucks, and mixed states are even worse, I agree.

 

I've come close to hospitalizing myself more times than I can count, but I've only actually been hospitalized twice. They were technically voluntary but my arm was twisted into going (the first I was only 16 so my parents had a little more control than I did, but I had to be the one to sign the papers anyway). Another time I was in crisis and I flat out refused the hospital, because I felt they were manipulating me at the ER.

 

I can become frightened of myself easily when I'm depressed (like now) when I get very suicidal or self harm a lot. It depends on the severity of how I feel when I consider the hospital. For example, I've been having a lot of suicidal ideation lately but no plans so my pdoc hasn't sent me back to IOP. I'm glad you can go to group for support, my PC/IOP kept me out of the hospital this fall; being in group there and the structure was similar enough to the hospital for me. However, I did come really close to going inpatient a bunch of times while in the program.

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What a timely topic.  I almost called the crisis center several times this week.  Adjusting to meds, too much stress inside my head and out, just feel insane.  I think they have beds at crisis, but if they are full I am afraid they will put me in that hellish locked ward I was in this past May.  One other time in 2006, I was in a better place, but found out I got lucky going there, as they are out of network. 

 

Here crisis will evaluate you and one time they recommended a day program to me, but our car died and I suffered for a few weeks until I felt a bit better. 

 

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. 

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Thanks everyone for the replies. I pushed myself through last night. I ended up watching TV which was the only thing that got my mind off of things. I also took an extra Klonopin even though I know I shouldn't have ... It calmed me down a bit more. 

 

Today I woke up, went to therapy, got to the bottom of some of my more recent problems and I actually feel better today. That's why I dislike the idea of hospitilization because I know this crap passes but last time I went through mixed episodes daily for nearly two years before I admitted myself - talk about hell. I get worried when mixed episodes hit now because I don't want to go down that road again. I think a good rule of thumb is if I can't handle life for a week or two straight and am attenging counseling etc than consider it. Until then push myself through because lately they do pass more quickly. Just scares the shit outta me when they hit ! :(

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Sometimes when my brain is doing things I wish I could just check in. I'm trying really hard not to because I have two young kids and nobody to help my husband take care of them if I go in. I guess, I would say I wish I could go in maybe at least 3 times a year. That's a guess. But I know I'm not doing well when I just picture the idea of a quiet hospital bed like fluffy cloud heaven because if I'm stable I shudder at the thought. 

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I only recently feel like I've gotten my symptoms under control. I still suffer from mild depression and have occasional bouts of paranoia but I think I can stay out of the hospital because I'm not currently suicidal. My health plan has a halfway house I can go to if I need treatment less than what a hospital offers.

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The closest I've been to being sent to a state mental hospital for a very long time, was whe I had OD's so much the psych unit wouldn't take me anymore.  There was nothing they could do other than to stabilize me after the OD's, and since then I have only been hospitalized there once, but only for a medication change, which was why they took me back.  I never OD'd after that threat of going to a state hospital indefinitely.

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i came close to it a couple of nights ago. just had enough of the whole merry go round and yet its the last place i want to go to. thankfully i had a friend who stayed with me and i find that i drain the shit out of them because they cant keep up with me which then makes me feel worse and then they need to have time away from me to recouperate. and funny thing is i dont have any friends and ive only just met this one a month ago and dropped everything to help. now im waiting for the usual no return call   beep beep beep !

 

 

mixed state. bi polar 1.  o.c.d and p.d.

Edited by The 3 Me's
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Verizon is the devil! haha!  They kept knocking on my door til I sreamed "Go the fuck away" and I guess they got scared.  Get comcast if you can afford it- verizon took my mom for a ride too but since I hate her I didn't mind haha,

 

It was true for me too- I survived my crisis but barely.  I guess if you have someone who can keep you from harm, or have great insight and/or self control, you can avoid inpatient. 

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Hmm, check out the 211 website. Just google it. :) Weird with verizon. I'm Canadian, so can't help you there.

 

Sometimes the structure and control of the hospital is appealing. Other times, its the exact opposite..

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