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What is bipolar psychosis like?


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In your experience...

 

1. How long does it last?

 

2. Was it ever intermittent throughout a day or weeks?

 

3. Did a part of you feel like it was psychosis during the midst of it and not reality?

 

4. What were your psychotic thoughts?

 

5. What helped them go away, specifically and how long did it take?

 

6. Did outside influences make them worse, like music, movies, events in your life?

 

7. Were you afraid?

 

8. And finally, post psychosis how do you view the experience? Do you live in fear of it coming back?

 

 

Thank you, I am just trying to make sense of what is the scariest and most confusing time of my life.

Edited by natatatt
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1: Depends, before rapid cyling: 3 weeks or shorter or longer

2: Depends, sometimes it did with a day, sometimes not and last continuous.

3: I know it isn't real. But if go very very high, my behavior will got very hyper and very strange for people 

4: I thought I was a king (and even ask my pdoc to threw a red carpet) was worst manic psychotic episode, I have thought I was a God and later thought this wasn't true so I must be Boedda. Also had some hallucinations but can't remember them.  

 

I also did some sexual strange things, because of high libido.

 

And this happened for real: (shamed :blush: )

 

+ Also I'm a webdesigner and programmer so I created a porn-site. I told it to 3 people of my University and in a few weeks, everybody known it.  Some blocked me and didn't talk to me, others where interested in the link haha..  :P

 

I then sold the site for a good price of course. But still then a year later some people asked of it was true I have a ...

 

Also I have had a lot of discussing with people/students of the University, they made my mad and I made them very mad...  :wacko:

 

So I'm very broken what friends means of this... I think of 60 friends I had on University, I have still 4 left because of issues with mood.... 

 

5: From themselves or raising Abilify dose. 

6: Yes music or noise stimulated the mania and of course the psychosis. 

7: Mostly not I was feeling so good and I was the king of course so no..  :P

8: I accepted my illness if the worst ever came back.  :)

Edited by InnovatingProfessor²
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I'm going to guesstimate here...

 

1. My worst started in a November 2012 in a happy state but the voices started in mid December and hit the crazy suicidal peak in the first week of February 2013.

 

2. I don't believe it was intermittent; it was sort of like a thing that picked up speed until it hit a wall and exploded 

 

3. The worst one which I am referencing I completely thought it was real, no doubting at all that it wasn't real. The one I had recently, I was in BP denial BUT I kept wondering if it was like my previous 'breakdown' (which I was referring to my last episode, pretending I wasn't BP) so that at least shows that I gained a degree of awareness that I did not have before, even in the midst of unmedicated denial. So what I'm saying is since I had the DX, I have gained insight that I did not have previous to the DX.

 

4. My pattern begins with a spiritual awakening. I then begin to try and incorporate this awakening in my physical appearance and my lifestyle. Specifically I will do something very radical to my hair, ie shave it, in a spiritual homage to whichever deity is guiding me. Then I begin to give many items away, including jewelry and meaningful heirlooms. I will begin something in testament to this deity such as a business or choose a charity that I will volunteer with to serve and save others in the name of the deity. I'll try to convert my family. Then it's a matter of time until my body and brain can't take all the energy and I 'hit a wall' in which I suddenly believe everyone hates me, wants to leave me, then I decide I deserve it because I failed everyone and I failed the deity. Then I frantically need to end my life.

 

5. Only an antipsychotic makes them go away. That's it and nothing else. I don't have to be in an episode to have daily paranoia and see things, such as cars (parked with no driver) coming to crash into me and such sorts of things. But outside of an episode, they are just constant little things and not personal, ie, god talking to me. But Seroquel on a brand new high dose is making even the little ones go away almost completely so far.

 

6. ABSOLUTELY outside influences make things worse. I had in my military service been sexually assualted many years ago, and my first episode, I believed that my unit was conspiring to rape me, all the way up to the highest levels. There were higher ranking leaders who were hitting on me who should not have been, but that definitely fueled my paranoia and psychosis very badly in ways that it might not have done if I didn't have BP, even with the traumatic past.

 

7. I was fucking terrified. During the paranoid parts. During the euphoric and the powerful parts, I was planning on stepping in front of cars to test god's promise of invulnerability to me, so, I guess it depends where I'm at. But yes the paranoia is devastatingly terrifying. It's like living life in a horror film, literally. Fucking awful.

 

8. Yeah, I guess I am afraid, but not so badly as I was when I was first diagnosed a year ago. It's a process. I am starting to realize that the meds can help me and trusting that the medical industry is not as bad as what I had experienced the last decade inside the military, so I know it's nice that I can tell them what I am seeing and hearing and feeling and the doctors won't treat me like I am malingering. So now I realize there is help for me and while it sucks that I have BP, accepting it means I can get help and relief from the hoodoo that is my brain.

 

I hope that helps! 

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1. In my case, it was a few episodes over 2 or 3 weeks, not a continuous thing

 

2 I guess I just answered this one above

 

3 I never lost touch with reality, I always knew I was experiencing a psychotic feature

 

4 I had auditory hallucinations. Some were like overhearing a muffled discussion. During one of the "muffled discussions," I "knew" what the speakers were wearing, and a little bit of what their personalities are like. I *think* that part (knowing details about the imaginary people) is actually a delusion, but I am not sure. I also heard a very clear voice trying to get my attention right behind me on several occasions, like "Hey, Hey, HEY!"

 

I also clanged, which means I became more interested in the sounds of words than their meaning.  Once, when I was at my ndoc's, she asked me a question, and the answer began with a g, and instead of answering, I said "Gomers go to the ground." That's a quotation from the book House of God , which is a book about being a resident after medical school, so practically all Drs. know it. I clanged a few other times, but it wasn't continuous.

 

5. I took Risperdal for about 3 months during and after that episode. I think it worked pretty quickly.

 

6. I don't remember outside influences affecting me, but who knows.

 

7. I was very afraid. The first time I hear voices, my heart was beating so fast, and I was having trouble breathing. On the other hand, being the daughter of a psychiatrist, I was intellectually very interested about my symptoms, when they weren't actually happening.

 

8. I *wasn't* scared, until about 2 months ago, I heard someone speak through my stereo speakers. It was very short, and I've heard nothing since. I always hear that once your brain has experienced something, it can repeat the experience out of whole cloth, so maybe that is all it was.

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Some doctors say I'm bipolar and others say I'm schizoaffective bipolar type so I hope its OK to post here. 

1. It varies, can last a few minutes to many months.

 

2. Yes, the intensity varies throughout the day, not continuous. There are times when severe that it is without breaks though.

 

3. I always thought it was reality, but at the same time I had enough insight to realize my thoughts were "weird." But I have always since birth been weird.

 

4. Depends if a manic episode or schizoaffective episode. If just manic the thoughts are not bizarre and I think I am rich and going to change the world. I thought I was the best speaker in the world so I joined Toastmasters in my area and

started speaking at autism conferences. I truly believed I would make millions doing this and travel throughout the world. But in reality I didn't make anything. Then I thought I was the best artist in the world and thought I would make $100 MILLION a YEAR. Then I draw from the time I get up to the time I slept. For schizoaffective episodes I believe things that are more out there. At least according to others. There was a bizarre thought that I was literally turning into a robot. I was a danger to myself because I wanted to see the robotic parts inside myself. Another one is I thought I was going to fight in an intergalactic war. Right now I think things but won't tell them on here because I realize they are weird like all my thoughts but I don't want people to make fun of me. I also hear voices occasionally and see things related to my thoughts. 

 

5. They are less than they were but still struggle with the thoughts still. But right now I am more depressed so I don't think my art will go anywhere except making me end up on the street. The pills make these thought go more in the background so I don't act on them as much. 

 

6. Stress makes them a lot worse. Right now I am under a great deal of stress. I am going to move and my dad is having surgery next week. Also my mom's iPod broke with all our contacts in it. 

 

7. Psychotic episodes are very scary. 

 

8. Last year was awful for psychosis. I ended up in the hospital. Actually several times they wanted to put me in the hospital but I refused. So one actual stay and other times they wanted to put me in, including the state hospital. So of course I'm afraid I will get it again. The sad thing is, even with treatment I get worse every year. More symptoms  and the severity is much worse. 

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1. From a week or so to about 3 months.

2. Usually the hallucinations are there at night and are lighter during the day, sometimes they go away for a bit.

3. Yes. I was always perfectly aware I was hallucinating. The paranoia, I don't think I was aware of. Being aware of hallucinating made it much more scary. I was scared anyway, and scared of loosing my mind on top of it.

4. Voices in music, ghosts telling me to kill myself, extreme social paranoia

5. APs and time. I figure I need to get quite manic to start getting psychotic, once I get psychotic, it's hard to get out of it.

6. People! Generally being around people for me made it worst, parties, large crowds, supermarkets, walking on the street. And not having complete silence for at least part of the day.

7. It is the deepest, most intense feeling of fear I have ever felt.

8. To some extent, but I also know there are things to do. Psychosis is not something I wake up with one morning, it's something that builds gradually, so there is time to act.  

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1. Mine lasted for maybe a year and a half, and then I think came back the next year after it went away. I was young and didn't know what was up.

 

2. I think mine was on and off, I don't think I could have made it through a year and a half of high school with that much paranoia going on. My symptoms changed a bit too.

 

3. Not sure, I don't think I knew some were unfounded, but at least one seemed too far fetched to me.

 

4. I was mostly very paranoid, the worst one was that I thought people could hear my thoughts. Other behavior was really out there during that time, but I can't really classify it as anything specifically psychotic. I can't really classify it as anything at all, it's unlike anything I've heard anyone else describe so I have no clue what was happening to me. It all seems rather dream-like in retrospect. It seems that my behavior couldn't possibly be real, but it was for sure.

 

5. I'm guessing it was my meds that stopped it because I've never connected with any of my therapists.

 

6. Being in high school made my paranoia out of control because I already have awful social anxiety, and I had a toxic friend at the time.

 

7. Can't recall.

 

8. I have to laugh at it because otherwise I'd cry about it. I don't live in "fear", but I do worry that it could happen again.

 

Also of note, I've gotten the big, grandiose type delusions and such during mania/hypomania. What I'm referencing above are purely my paranoid symptoms I experienced in a specific time period. 

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