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Hi all

Yes I'm new- 24yo female from Aus. Diagnosed BP2 (and in recovery for EDNOS/anorexia and BPD only meet 3 criteria now)

 

I get a little confused with what happens for me. I have had MDD, severe anxiety, and BPD diagnosis for YEARS now, BP2 in Dec last year after my new and current medical team and pdoc saw me in the throes of a hyopmanic episode. My moods change anywehre from monthly, weekly and daily. It depends. I also suffer mixed/agitated states and have been told I had a psychotic episode.

 

I believed I had a "spiritual awakening" and had been gifted with psychic abilities. I could get information from my spirit guides on others and myself, communicate with cats etc etc etc. But I also knew NOT to tell my pdoc because I was terrified she would say I was Schizophrenic.

During thie time (lasted about 3 weeks) I had moments where I saw angels, flashing lights and my body was "being cleansed" but was moving without me moving it and being held in odd positions.

 

I have NO idea what was going on, I even believed my mum was dying of a heart attack and I could hear the siren but knew I had to tell no one?

 

I was getting maybe 3-6 hours sleep (vaired each night) and everything in my life was bliss and made sense. All so odd.

 

I saw a psychic, got readings done, natal charts drawn up, tarots done, birth numbers, got people to contact my spirit guides for me- you name it. But apart from a few hours on a few seperate days  I was actually quite calm. I wasn't running around like a feral energizer bunny LOL but I did have moments where I couln't shut up at all I talked non stop for HOURS.... (just remembering this is so sad :( )

 

Can this happen in BP2? Anyone else experienced anything similar?

Edited by miss-e
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I have extremely similar delusions.  I also did not tell my doctor because I was afraid I'd be labeled as schizophrenic.  Just two days ago my dx was moved from BP 2 to BP 1 "officially".  I personally have had 2 real manias - what made mine different from hypomanias were the delusions and a couple mild hallucinations.  Most of my delusions are about reincarnation and stuff, and the hallucinations are angels and demons and realms and dimensions and stuff.  I have had umpteen eleventy billion hypomanias though, but the fact that I've had even 1 full-blown mania is what bumps me to type 1 bipolar.  I found an excellent article that really broke it down for me, I will find the link and be right back.  Basically my doctor made me realize how spectrumy it all is anyway, how I may be type 1 but I'm still kinda type 2 and hypomanias can actually be pretty damn damaging.  Someone here with more of a track record (while I have received bipolar diagnoses now from 4 docs over the course of over 10 years, this last one from about 9 months ago is the first one I accepted) might come along and be able to shed more light on their specific symptoms and the difference.  There's also a link up there on hypomania vs. mania.

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Wow ray_of_sunshine- that's kinda crazy our stuff is so similar!

I have seen Demons too, sometimes I get reallllllly scared (paranoid maybe idk) that I am possed by one :( It's ridiculous but it's scary and I just can't bring myself to tell my pdoc as I am so scared she will judge me and I don't want to look like a freak :(

I have voices when I am in a very depressed state too, they both have names. It's all very overhwelming.

Thank you for the article. I will have a look now :)

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Ugh, I'm sorry. I spent a lot of money on exorcism. A few different times. I was not raised in a household or a culture where demons were a normal religious thing so it's absolutely a delusion for me. I was afraid mine was attempting to possess my children. I believed only I knew and only I could save us. I had to channel angels and beings of higher dimensions, I don't know. It was all very nonsensical, really. Mine spoke (in my head) when in a dysphoric mania about a year ago. Terrifying. I just told my pdoc on Wednesday and I watered it down for him even still. I told him I was afraid of the word schizophrenic, I told him I hadn't ever told anyone this stuff. I am glad I did. He was gentle and kind and didn't bat an eyelash. Remember they are in the business of helping the mentally ill have stable and high functioning lives. They have seen and heard it all.

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But I also knew NOT to tell my pdoc because I was terrified she would say I was Schizophrenic.

 

Same with me when the hallucinations started.  I didn't admit to voices until mid 2000's, and I'd been hearing them since 2002/2003.  I didn't want to be labeled psychotic.  I ended up changing pdocs at one point, and finally admitted it all to him because it became so overwhelming.

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Ugh, I'm sorry. I spent a lot of money on exorcism. A few different times. I was not raised in a household or a culture where demons were a normal religious thing so it's absolutely a delusion for me. I was afraid mine was attempting to possess my children. I believed only I knew and only I could save us. I had to channel angels and beings of higher dimensions, I don't know. It was all very nonsensical, really. Mine spoke (in my head) when in a dysphoric mania about a year ago. Terrifying. I just told my pdoc on Wednesday and I watered it down for him even still. I told him I was afraid of the word schizophrenic, I told him I hadn't ever told anyone this stuff. I am glad I did. He was gentle and kind and didn't bat an eyelash. Remember they are in the business of helping the mentally ill have stable and high functioning lives. They have seen and heard it all.

 

Oh :(

Gosh- exorcisms must have been really scary!

I'm sorry your experiences are so dark. My acute "hyopmanic" type one was actually somewhat fun throughout. I felt wonderful, alive and on top of the world. Everything was blissful! It took quite a while for the whole thing to subside and dissipate though. Probably 6 weeksish from onset to over?

I tend to get the paranoia/fearfulness when I am more mixed and/or depressed and voice/s when I am depressed :(

Because when I am reasonably "stable" (less symptomatic) I know what I go through is abnormal is the main thing that stops me talking to my doctor about it all properly as I believe I will just sound like an attention seeking fraud :/

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But I also knew NOT to tell my pdoc because I was terrified she would say I was Schizophrenic.

 

Same with me when the hallucinations started.  I didn't admit to voices until mid 2000's, and I'd been hearing them since 2002/2003.  I didn't want to be labeled psychotic.  I ended up changing pdocs at one point, and finally admitted it all to him because it became so overwhelming.

 

 

This is what makes me second guess myself that I am delusional as at times when I am "okish" I know it is abnormal?

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But I also knew NOT to tell my pdoc because I was terrified she would say I was Schizophrenic.

 

Same with me when the hallucinations started.  I didn't admit to voices until mid 2000's, and I'd been hearing them since 2002/2003.  I didn't want to be labeled psychotic.  I ended up changing pdocs at one point, and finally admitted it all to him because it became so overwhelming.

 

 

This is what makes me second guess myself that I am delusional as at times when I am "okish" I know it is abnormal?

 

 

IMO, any voices you hear/things you see that aren't real, aren't normal.  Looking back, I wish I'd told my pdoc the truth because when I admitted it to him, everything was so engrained in my head that it has been harder to treat than if we'd caught it all in the beginning.

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Yeah that is a very wise last statement you made there.

She (my psychiatrist) knows about the voices when I am depressed. But not the paranoia, fear, possession, other stuff that seems to lurk even when I am seemingly ok or in a dysphoric hypo state

I just hate all of this :(

 

(((hugs))) to both of you x

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Hey Miss-e, I want to give some comments about your meds (I'm not a doctor, so always double check with pdoc and never change meds because of my advice!!)

 

You're taking Pristiq, which is an antidepressant. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desvenlafaxine (aka  Pristiq)

 

An antidepressant in Bipolar can create fast mood swings or mixed episodes or switch to (hypo)mania and escalate the symptoms and even cause in mania a psychotic state. Some people even get it with a mood stabilizers in combination with AD or AP with AD.

 

Are you taking it for the anorexia or other issues? 

 

Discuss it with your pdoc. (And try to tell all symptoms, hiding them isn't a good idea...)

Good luck there and best wishes this situation stabilize..   :)

 

By the way:  "where I couln't shut up at all I talked non stop for HOURS" is a symptom of bipolar.

Edited by InnovatingProfessor²
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Hey Miss-e, I want to give some comments about your meds (I'm not a doctor, so always double check with pdoc and never change meds because of my advice!!)

 

You're taking Pristiq, which is an antidepressant. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desvenlafaxine (aka  Pristiq)

 

An antidepressant in Bipolar can create fast mood swings or mixed episodes or switch to (hypo)mania and escalate the symptoms and even cause in mania a psychotic state. Some people even get it with a mood stabilizers in combination with AD or AP with AD.

 

Are you taking it for the anorexia or other issues? 

 

Discuss it with your pdoc. (And try to tell all symptoms, hiding them isn't a good idea...)

Good luck there and best wishes this situation stabilize..   :)

 

By the way:  "where I couln't shut up at all I talked non stop for HOURS" is a symptom of bipolar.

 

Hi there IP :)

And thank you for your input :) The Pristiq is currently being reduced. Only on 25mg now. It is for Fibro pain and also because I spend 95% of my time cycling through depressive phases which are VERRRRRRRY low. Also was helping with the ED related stuff which is MUCH better now the last depressive phase lifted. Saw me 11 weeks inpatient with that, part of which was involuntary :/

But yes- my Dr is very aware, as am I, that it is highly likely that it is what has cause the last hypomanic switch since the psychotic type one which could have been because of the previous AD and also I had 3 months that I feel I was mixed/dysphoric hypo last Summer (early 2013 for me) due to Endep which is a tricyclic AD and could possibly have worsened things?

 

EDIT-Unfortunately my Biploar daignoses only came about in December... until then I was being treated for MDD... Lucky I got a better pdoc than my first! But I did spend 6 years avoiding psychiatrtic help due to TERRIBLE past inital experience in my first 2 years of illness boardering on 10 yrs ago now and I would only go to my GP when feeling crap who would perscribe more AD's not knowing and I never knew that my good times were excessive and mixed states I assumed I was extra moody due to depression and would lock myself away from everyone and spend nights awake going through hell.

I also had a traumatic past and with the Borderline I aslo dissociate a LOT when stressed so I think I dissociated myself away from EVERYTHING often inc my mood swings. Insight in hindsight is an interseting thing...

Edited by miss-e
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InnovatingProfessor, an enormous percentage of people with bipolar illness take an anti-depressant. It isn't a matter of whether you are wrong or right in this case, I don't know (nor do you). But I have seen you posting the same kind of information, that ADs didn't mix with BP, on a couple of occasions. Please don't do that, not everyone has the worst side effect on their PI.

Edited by crtclms
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InnovatingProfessor, an enormous percentage of people with bipolar illness take an anti-depressant. It isn't a matter of whether you are wrong or right in this case, I don't know (nor do you). But I have seen you posting the same kind of information, that ADs didn't mix with BP, on a couple of occasions. Please don't do that, not everyone has the worst side effect on their PI.

 

For some people it works good yes, I was just giving my opinion what maybe wrong so she won't spend months or years in the wrong cycling mood because of this!!!

 

:angry: I don't like it be controlled that way!! By the way: It's InnovatingProfessor² to be correct.  :cool:

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InnovatingProfessor, an enormous percentage of people with bipolar illness take an anti-depressant. It isn't a matter of whether you are wrong or right in this case, I don't know (nor do you). But I have seen you posting the same kind of information, that ADs didn't mix with BP, on a couple of occasions. Please don't do that, not everyone has the worst side effect on their PI.

 

For some people it works good yes, I was just giving my opinion what maybe wrong so she won't spend months or years in the wrong cycling mood because of this!!!

 

:angry: I don't like it be controlled that way!! By the way: It's InnovatingProfessor² to be correct.  :cool:

 

Who's controlling you?

 

I don't have the time or inclination to look up the up how to key your entire name. Too bad. Maybe you should have chosen a less pretentious user name. As you can see, others are dancing around it, e.g. "PI."

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As a BP/SZA (who knows) who is on Pristiq...I had my first manic episode on Celexa.  Ever since then I've thought I couldn't be on an AD.

 

I'm now on Pristiq.  Not all ADs are created equal in terms of triggering mania, and Pristiq is relatively low-risk in that regard (I'm not saying it's impossible).  Particularly if someone is on other medications that help create stability. 

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I've only just started the Epilim 4 days ago so I am hoping it will help balance things out :)

My moods were still highly liable before pristiq :)

Jarn- celexa has triggered me before too!

I think that it not only depends on the pill but also the person taking it.

Titania- yes I am mood tracking now as I am doing DBT, so we're incorporating that with the diary cards. I here you re not knowing about the 'when' the definitely happens for me too. Except for when it starts by suddenly waking me in the middle of the night -,-

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I am tired, and not feeling well, so I am sorry if someone already said this, I didn't see it: Having hallucinations does *not* mean you are schizophrenic. Please don't skip telling your pdoc important symptoms because of what *you* think they might mean.

 

Furthermore, what if you *are* schizophrenic? It's scary, but pretending it isn't there doesn't make it go away. You will recover the most fully if you pdoc knows what actually is going on with you. There are people on the boards with Schizophrenia, or who are schizotypical, who function far better than I do. Good luck.

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Well what u had could be psychotic or it could be something spiritual. Many people believe in tarot, spirit guides, astrology, and so on and so fourth. I think you have to ask yourself a question when it comes to possible spiritual delusions/halucinations.

 

  • Did you have these religious beliefs before this possible psychotic episode?
  • Are these beliefs out of character from the belief system you were raised in or the culture you were raised in?
  • Did this cause any major problems in your life?
  • Did you take these beliefs to the extreme?

I had psychotic episodes that include religious delusions/hallucinations. And yes some of the stuff i was raised around and had previous beliefs about. But the thing that separate me from someone who has this belief system and from someone who is in a psychotic episode was what extreme did i go to?

 

I did some very crazy odd stuff while psychotic (religious like). "I saw a psychic, got readings done, natal charts drawn up, tarots done, birth numbers, got people to contact my spirit guides for me- you name it. " i would not consider this odd behavior because many people within spiritualist belief systems do this for guidance. 

 

I don't think this is normal for bipolar type 2 hypomania, but i do feel psychosis of any form can happen in depressed or mixed episodes (i've been told by my doctors this can happen) AND if this happened during a depressed or mixed episode i would say this could just be the norm of how YOUR bipolar presents.

 

I Hope this helped a little!! 

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I'm not religious. Was not raised in a household with these or religious beliefs and none of what I did is having any bearing on my life now? As in I haven't carried through with it/held on to it. All it's done is made me scared of it all.

I remember 'seeing' angels in colours by my bed while my body was being held up in funny positions. It was all quite odd.

But yes I do see what you're saying- some people actually live for that kind of stuff.

And I've talked to my pdoc. I have now lost my 'fear' of being told I'm schizophrenic. I'm not sure why it was a fear. She thinks it's all part of the bipolar and BPD

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