Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

What does if feel like when switching from mania to depression?


Recommended Posts

I've had four or five of these bad flips recently, and I was just wondering if other people experience them in the same way. For me, I go from ecstasy to despair in the blink of an eye. One moment I'm sailing 90 MPH on the freeway! and the next I suddenly shift into reverse in a severe jolt that's most unnerving. I'm higher than a kite and then I suddenly cry uncontrollably and wanna jump off a bridge, swallow a buncha pills, steer my bike into oncoming traffic, blow my brains out, etc. And then once the worst part of the depression has past, either the mania returns (and the whole pattern repeats) or I just wanna curl up in a dark place and sleep forever or die. Sometimes seems like a yo-yo or roller coaster ride from hell going back and forth for a while. And I can't sleep, so that just makes it worse. And then there also seem to be these periods of much more mild depression or even normal between the cray cray.

Edited by Flash
Link to comment
Share on other sites

are you medicated?

When I wasn´t medicated, the switch was very fast. I would go from severe depression to feeling normal in seconds, and back to deep depression.

Now that I am medicated the changes are less severe.

 

The only times the flips are bad is when I go to sleep or take a nap, and wake up with a different mood.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Switching from mania to depression, I feel like I just "crashed," meaning going from all to nothing.  I feel like a big truck just hit me.  I am exhausted, feel like I can't move ... hard to explain at the moment, but all I can say is that it is like being slammed into by a huge truck.

 

Medication definitely helps, but I still go from mania to depression at times.  Usually it means I need a med adjustment.

 

 

 

ETA:  When I say all to nothing, I didn't mean in a second; there is a time period in between ... but overall when I go from mania to depression, the end result is all to (eventually) nothing (with time in between, which is hard to explain).  Sorry if I didn't make that clear.

Edited by melissaw72
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really wish I could articulate this better, in an objective concrete way and without resorting to metaphors and cliches and such, because I can vividly recall exactly how I felt and behaved during these transitional states from mania into depression (probably because they were so completely traumatic). But I find it really hard to explain things like this in words, like there is no way to really transcribe my memories of this into language, and I don't think I could ever accurately relay this experience to someone else in a way I think is truly adequate, but oh well. I will try.

 

For me (and this is probably one of those aspects of the illness that differ between people), during the times when this was all at its worst (aka, when I was completely unmedicated, in denial of my diagnosis, heavily self-medicating with drugs and booze, and cycling faster than Armstrong on 'roids), the swings weren't really "split-second" kinds of things. Not like just flipping a light switch. It was more like a gradual "process" that I can see in hindsight, but couldn't really see at the time, and by the time I did notice a dramatic shift within myself, it felt more like a sudden jolt. Kind of like rolling down a hill, then falling right into a deep well.

 

It's like all the different lines of thoughts speeding through my head start turning darker and I'm bombarded with thoughts about death (my own and that of everyone, and of people who are already dead) and about how worthless I am and how everyone must hate me because I'm a piece of shit. And I'm suddenly aware of how fast everything is going. I start feeling out of control, panicky, and paranoid. I start trembling uncontrollably and feel nauseated in a way. I get this awful sense of complete doom that I can actually feel through my entire body in a physical way. I become frantic and desperately try to escape this "thing" I can feel coming over me, by bolting from wherever I am and getting somewhere I can be alone. I remember NEEDING to be alone regardless of where I was or who I was with. This is usually when I would start raging and go for desperate measures, like tearing my room apart, punching mirrors, start chugging booze or smoking and/or snorting any drug I could find, and/or self-injuring. And, it's like you said, there is just this wave of utter hopelessness, despair and fear that comes over me, and horrible feelings that I can't really even accurately identify or describe but that I can distinctly recall. I can't think straight at all, can't get a grip on myself. My thoughts are jumbled and morbid. And I start wailing and babbling incoherently (like saying people's names over and over, "talking" to them begging them to help me when no one was even around), until I eventually become too exhausted and heavy to even move anymore. 

 

...So, yeah, I really didn't intend to write a treatise on this, lol. My apologies. But I just wanted to explain that I don't experience mood swings like this in the blink-of-an-eye way you do, from euphoria to despair in an instant. For me it's like the euphoria, the brilliance and the overwhelming sense of connectivity with the universe just degrade into a bottomless pit of depression, and while there are specific moments I can look back on as tipping points, it just doesn't feel as quick and clean-cut for me as a lot of people describe it being. 

 

Edit: It now occurs to me that I have VASTLY overthought this and babbled endlessly about my overthinking it.  :blush: 

Edited by hagar running
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What you're describing is indeed switching from state mania to depression or reverse. I recognize your story very much  :o

 

How long do you be in your episodes? 

 

I now have at the moment rapid cycling; mostly 4 days manic and then 2 days depressed.  Sometimes if it's very worse it shifts from hour to hour. I had hoped my mania would continued for 1 months and more hypomanic then manic like in the old days. 

 

Best wishes, hope they get you stabilized.  :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've had episodes similar to what you're describing where your mood changes from minute to minute, and it's very awful. It's sort of like, one minute you're thinking; "Hahahahaha how funny everything's great weeeeeee!!" and the next you're going "Oh God oh no oh no kill me now wtf...". Very disturbing, I can also feel very agitated at times like these. Other times, when it's not rapid cycling, I won't realize what's happening until I'm very far gone into the depression, I can miss the warning signs. Or maybe it's fast and I don't realize. Either way, it seems I don't notice my depression after a period of mania/hypomania until it's very severe.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

are you medicated?

When I wasn´t medicated, the switch was very fast. I would go from severe depression to feeling normal in seconds, and back to deep depression.

Now that I am medicated the changes are less severe.

 

The only times the flips are bad is when I go to sleep or take a nap, and wake up with a different mood.

I only just started taking lithium on Thursday.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really wish I could articulate this better, in an objective concrete way and without resorting to metaphors and cliches and such, because I can vividly recall exactly how I felt and behaved during these transitional states from mania into depression (probably because they were so completely traumatic). But I find it really hard to explain things like this in words, like there is no way to really transcribe my memories of this into language, and I don't think I could ever accurately relay this experience to someone else in a way I think is truly adequate, but oh well. I will try.

 

For me (and this is probably one of those aspects of the illness that differ between people), during the times when this was all at its worst (aka, when I was completely unmedicated, in denial of my diagnosis, heavily self-medicating with drugs and booze, and cycling faster than Armstrong on 'roids), the swings weren't really "split-second" kinds of things. Not like just flipping a light switch. It was more like a gradual "process" that I can see in hindsight, but couldn't really see at the time, and by the time I did notice a dramatic shift within myself, it felt more like a sudden jolt. Kind of like rolling down a hill, then falling right into a deep well.

 

It's like all the different lines of thoughts speeding through my head start turning darker and I'm bombarded with thoughts about death (my own and that of everyone, and of people who are already dead) and about how worthless I am and how everyone must hate me because I'm a piece of shit. And I'm suddenly aware of how fast everything is going. I start feeling out of control, panicky, and paranoid. I start trembling uncontrollably and feel nauseated in a way. I get this awful sense of complete doom that I can actually feel through my entire body in a physical way. I become frantic and desperately try to escape this "thing" I can feel coming over me, by bolting from wherever I am and getting somewhere I can be alone. I remember NEEDING to be alone regardless of where I was or who I was with. This is usually when I would start raging and go for desperate measures, like tearing my room apart, punching mirrors, start chugging booze or smoking and/or snorting any drug I could find, and/or self-injuring. And, it's like you said, there is just this wave of utter hopelessness, despair and fear that comes over me, and horrible feelings that I can't really even accurately identify or describe but that I can distinctly recall. I can't think straight at all, can't get a grip on myself. My thoughts are jumbled and morbid. And I start wailing and babbling incoherently (like saying people's names over and over, "talking" to them begging them to help me when no one was even around), until I eventually become too exhausted and heavy to even move anymore. 

 

...So, yeah, I really didn't intend to write a treatise on this, lol. My apologies. But I just wanted to explain that I don't experience mood swings like this in the blink-of-an-eye way you do, from euphoria to despair in an instant. For me it's like the euphoria, the brilliance and the overwhelming sense of connectivity with the universe just degrade into a bottomless pit of depression, and while there are specific moments I can look back on as tipping points, it just doesn't feel as quick and clean-cut for me as a lot of people describe it being. 

 

Edit: It now occurs to me that I have VASTLY overthought this and babbled endlessly about my overthinking it.  :blush: 

No, you aren't really babbling (I feel the same way a lot, tho). thank you for your in-depth reply. It's helpful for me. I see a number of similarities. The trembling/nauseated thang, for instance. I suspect you had a hard time putting that into words, as I do. Sometimes I get this "zany" feeling during the switch, like someone,s playing ping pong in my head. Very hard to describe.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What you're describing is indeed switching from state mania to depression or reverse. I recognize your story very much  :o

 

How long do you be in your episodes? 

 

I now have at the moment rapid cycling; mostly 4 days manic and then 2 days depressed.  Sometimes if it's very worse it shifts from hour to hour. I had hoped my mania would continued for 1 months and more hypomanic then manic like in the old days. 

 

Best wishes, hope they get you stabilized.  :)

Could be few days, could be a few weeks. The intense depression is definitely shorter in duration than the mania the precedes it. Maybe a 1:3 ratio. But between the intense episodes there seems to be periods of normal, or maybe a more mild depression or mania. I dunno. This all this all very weird to me right now. I never knew what was happening in the past, so I never analyzed it. And while it all started without me realizing—even tho I was conscious of the possibility—I did figgur it out once I was in the thick of it. So for me this is a new experience (knowing what's happening to you). Strange.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

[bold]I've had episodes similar to what you're describing where your mood changes from minute to minute, and it's very awful. It's sort of like, one minute you're thinking; "Hahahahaha how funny everything's great weeeeeee!!" and the next you're going "Oh God oh no oh no kill me now wtf...". Very disturbing, I can also feel very agitated at times like these. Other times, when it's not rapid cycling, I won't realize what's happening until I'm very far gone into the depression, I can miss the warning signs. [/bold]Or maybe it's fast and I don't realize. Either way, it seems I don't notice my depression after a period of mania/hypomania until it's very severe.

Exactly. Have you ever had intense moments of rage? I had a few of those recently, and they were very disturbing. I reAlly didn't know what I mighta been capable of. Not pretty. In any case, I thought this time I would be able to see the warming signs and realize when the stuff was happening (because now I know). And I could not be more wrong. Blindsided me. Yeah, once in the middle of it, I figgur it out, but not before. Oh, almost forgot: do any of you have heightened hearing during episodes? Seems like I could hear EVERYTHING. Every little noise. Was sending me over the edge.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hope the Lithium helps. It helped me.  Before lithium, even with depakote, I was all over the place.  Agitated, then happy so hard it hurt, then sad-leave-me-alone.  The depakote/lamotrigine combo got rid of the horrible racing thoughts/ rumination/ weird voices in my head but they didn't touch the mood swings.  Lithium was a ninja.  :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

[bold]I've had episodes similar to what you're describing where your mood changes from minute to minute, and it's very awful. It's sort of like, one minute you're thinking; "Hahahahaha how funny everything's great weeeeeee!!" and the next you're going "Oh God oh no oh no kill me now wtf...". Very disturbing, I can also feel very agitated at times like these. Other times, when it's not rapid cycling, I won't realize what's happening until I'm very far gone into the depression, I can miss the warning signs. [/bold]Or maybe it's fast and I don't realize. Either way, it seems I don't notice my depression after a period of mania/hypomania until it's very severe.

Exactly. Have you ever had intense moments of rage? I had a few of those recently, and they were very disturbing. I reAlly didn't know what I mighta been capable of. Not pretty. In any case, I thought this time I would be able to see the warming signs and realize when the stuff was happening (because now I know). And I could not be more wrong. Blindsided me. Yeah, once in the middle of it, I figgur it out, but not before. Oh, almost forgot: do any of you have heightened hearing during episodes? Seems like I could hear EVERYTHING. Every little noise. Was sending me over the edge.

 

I do have fits of rage sometimes with these mixed states, as well as other times too, but I think my trileptal has really helped that. I have not had the increase in hearing during a mixed episode though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've never been manic, but when I switch from hypomania to depression, usually it's as you described - BOOM. Crash and burn. In the blink of an eye. Flying to drowning. Rarely, I'll go from hypomanic to a less severe depression, then it's more downhill from there, but usually it's very rapid from one end to the other. That goes for the other way around as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...