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I Keep Skipping My Meds

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i'm just on and off at night for the seroquel and everytime i miss it i have a shitty sleep and i wake up early and im tired. But it's like. When I take it i wake up groggy and late and feeling hungover and weak but well rested. And the most wicked dry mouth. So dehydrated. 


Right now I'm in a mixed state, rapidly cycling between mania and depression. The psychosis is gone except for some voices occasionally. I guess some part of it is um. That I kind of feel weak for taking meds. And I'm kind of like. What if the voices I hear and stuff I see are like supernatural and I'm blocking them out. And I miss feeling like WOW THE WORLD and wanting to do things as much as I did before I got really depressed. And I dunno. 


Just has anyone ever skipped meds cause of this? How did you get back on track? 

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I'd really encourage you to talk to your pdoc about this.  Mixed states are miserable as hell, and if you're still hearing voices, the psychosis isn't being dealt with, which would suggest that you probably do need to be on some form of antipsychotic.  What else have you tried?  There are plenty of meds options out there, and it could be that seroquel isn't right for you.  It's also possible that the side effects are feeling so shitty because in stopping and starting it in this way, you're not giving it enough of a chance to work.  


But I'm not your doctor (or any kind of medical doctor), so all of this is guesswork on my part.  All I can really say for certain is that finding the right meds combination can be a rough road, but it is possible to get it right (or as close as dammit to right).  But the only way to do that is to communicate with your pdoc about everything you're feeling and experiencing.  This suffering you're going through can be awfully lonely - please reach out and ask for professional help.  It's not weak to admit you need help, really it's not.


Good luck, and take care.

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I understand how you feel, not wanting to take your meds because you miss feeling a certain way, but medication is extraordinarily important. I know that feeling on top of the world is something I miss, but I can't risk falling into another depression afterwards. It's just not worth it. And that awesome feeling can be dangerous too, even if I don't really want to admit that to myself. And maybe skipping your meds on and off could be making you feel worse. I encourage you to talk to you pdoc about the side effects and how they make you feel, they may be able to find a medication that is a better fit for you. And it does sound like your psychosis isn't completely under control if you're still hearing voices. For me to get back on track the last time I started skipping meds and eventually stopping them, it took me falling into the depression I'm in now, which I've been in for over a year. More than a year! And I've been back on meds for months now, and I'm still feeling very low. It took me becoming suicidal to realize what a horrible decision I'd made, and by the time I realized, I was in a very dangerous place. Sometimes it's hard to get back on track, but it you try to keep the potential consequences in mind, you might be able to push yourself in the right direction.

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I've wondered the same thing, especially since my mom is also BP and she still steadfastly believes that our family is spiritually 'gifted'... but here is how I talk to myself about it. Like in a 'devil's advocate' sort of way, I guess.


Even if it were an ability to see and hear things that may actually be there, and if by taking medication I am blocking those things out, is that really such a bad thing? Is being 'haunted' bringing anything positive to my life? If there really are spirits that want me to think I am invincible, hurt myself, make me go crazy, etc fill in the blank, what do I gain by allowing these experiences to ruin my daily functioning and endanger my life?


By taking this sort of dynamic I am finding that I feel like I don't have to endlessly debate with myself as much as to whether or not these experiences are completely fabricated by my mind, or if they are a spiritual 'gift'. Because you then can say, either way, whatever they are, they disrupt my life and have the potential to not only ruin my life but can lead to me either intentionally or accidentally ending my life. 


And to me, a regular old day, a day in which I can wake up and enjoy just a regular old regular damn day, is an unbelievable gift. Worth taking my meds for. 


Hope that helps.

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I have skipped meds and stopped taking meds altogether in the past. I hated the side effects and I didn't feel that any of the meds/combos were helping much. I've been told doing that is a bad idea so I'm going to pass that along to you. :P If the meds are helping, you should stay on them. Definitely don't make any changes without talking to your doctor. While I've never been psychotic, I do understand where you're coming from with not wanting to take the meds. You have to weigh the pros and cons.  

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