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She believes from my file (which is huge and goes back 25 years, I'm 32), that I am schizoaffective.  I have a SSA review now which sucks.  I don't think I can work.  I help out with my mom's goat project sometimes.  But that is far from a full time job, with benefits.  I don't get paid helping my mom.  She pays for my dog's care and I rent a house from her.  I also get to eat with my grandparents and here when I go there.  It's a good way for me to enjoy getting outside.  Same with walking my dog, which I do a lot at the farm (18 acres).

 

I don't tell my doctor everything either.  It sucks to be on medicine.  I did better on depekote but I weighed about 30 pounds more.  I was huge.  I was 168 or so off meds and now 230 on average.  To someone with a mental illness image is a lot to deal with.  I can't get a job anywhere and to try from a court progam.  I was off of meds for years and thought I could be a shaman.  Now that I do see spirits there is no grand ecstasy.  I haven't gone to the next level, perhaps I have to die for that.  I don't tell anybody I see and communicate with things, they are energies more than things.  I am afraid of being on more meds.  It's hard to live on the one I am and even harder off of it.  I'm not tormented as much on my med.  I also got into a lot of legal trouble off of meds.  SSA doesn't know this part that I know of.  I would rather pay back for the time I was in jail or screwed up probation then be homeless.  My doctor is from Russia and doesn't seem to understand how crazy I would be for not having benefits.  I think she is an idiot.  I think all the doctors are.  They are usually some sort of overseas person.  She said my illness is like diabetes, take a drug and it's all better.  I really think she is crazy, out of trouch with reality.

 

I really don't think I can survive off of disability.  Nobody wants to hire someone witha medical problem that cost over a thousand dollars a month.  I don't believe my world can mesh with the so called real world.  I'm a damaged person.

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I was in a work program through the doctors agency.  My mom talked me into wanting to cut hair.  I think I would want to stab people if I did that.  If my doctor really knew me should would know I am hardwired for bad things.  What most people consder bad things.  I stay out of trouble because i don't want to damage what life I do have.  But it would be very easy to risk problems.  I don'.t want to go to hostpitals or other places anymore, not that I did want to go.  I'm not sure why the doc thinks I can hold a job.  I think she is delusional.  Maybe I've been to good at hiding symptoms.  I have had close calls that she doesn't know about.  She doesn't know that I think my Dad's side of the family very well could of been a shooter in Dallas of '63.  My Grandpa owned a petroleum drilling company that went out of buisness when JFK changed the taxes.  It would be worth a lot of money today and was then.  My Mom's dad said it was the largest east of the Mississippi at the time.  They had 33 mobiles rigs.  Grandpa didn't want to work because he said he wouldn't make any money, since JFK changed the taxes.  He parted the rigs for income for about 18 years, till he died.  I've looked into it and my Dad, Uncle and Grandpa fit the description people saw behind the stockade fence.  Two mend in flanel shirts and an old guy...the two being in their 20's.  It was a day before dad turned 23 and his older brother was 25 or so.  Of course it doesn't prove anthing and why should it.  But people think Texas oil men killed JFK.  Nobody questions the east coast buisnesses.  The Military used to follow me around a lot too.  I knew a guy who was a Marine and did Intelligence.  I also knew a son of Alvaro Uribe at Military school.  I wasn't supposed to know that 

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Well I wasn't supposed to know Tomas Uribe, or that his Dad would be the President of Colombia.  I have had anti-Government interests and can speculate a lot of reasons why I would be bthered by do gooders.  I generally just hate the world and the controlling beliefs.

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Your doctor only knows what you tell her. If you present well, she is going to think you are well. You've got to be open and honest with her.

 

Having said that, I've noticed that a lot of doctors do not like to put people on disability if the person is at all lucid. It's not just your doctor. I've been told without asking that I am capable of work and should not ask for disability - this despite my spotty employment history and performance which they didn't even ask about. However, I don't want disability. To me that would seem like a sentence of doom.

 

If your doctor wants you to work, and you don't feel capable, can you get a second opinion?

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SSA usually sends me to their own doctor to find a second opinion.  I don't expect a doctor who grew up communist to understand hardships for disabilities in America.  Nor a doctor from the country that hide Bin Laden.  I just don't believe I am employable.

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I think she is an idiot.  I think all the doctors are.  They are usually some sort of overseas person.  

 

I don't expect a doctor who grew up communist to understand hardships for disabilities in America.  Nor a doctor from the country that hide Bin Laden. 

Lol. Wow.

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Maybe I used the wrong word. I meant had any insight at all.


Oh, and by the way, I find your prejudices against doctors from overseas offensive. The best doctor that I ever had was foreign. 

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You feel you can't work. That is whats important.....It doesn't matter what she thinks....When our faith meshes with our illness, that's a problem......I don't know if it is being sick that you see spirits or what but I understand that you don't want to be put on more meds. Sometimes we have to just suck it up and do whats best for us........What if you where put on more meds and the thoughts about spirits went away? Would that be enough to convince you that it's a symptom of something? I'm just saying. I keep a lot of what I deal with to myself but I do tell my doctor that I used to think I was dead and at Gods Judgment. Very scary stuff.....I just had my SSA and they approved me again cause I'm honest..........Find a new doc.......There not all from out of state and my doctor grew up in the town I live in. Or county.

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It's not cause they are from overseas.  It's because the way they see the world due to how they were raised.  They have a lot of prejudices themselves.  The Pakistani doctor was convinced I was gay when I am far from that.  i like my Russian doctor but she's kinda dumb.  Book smart but not a lot of common sense.

 

The way I see the illness, we have a different biology that revolves around DMT.  Our pineal glands produce more DMT or we have more 5HT2a receptors.  I read that bi-polar people have 30% more monoamine receptors.  There is a lot that science remains dumb about, due to peoples political

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I had what I thought was a doctor but he was a nurse practionar.  He was american and seemed to not be so dumb.  Maybe I am just not agreeing with my doctor.  If I could work and live a normal life I would chose that.  I would like to won property and have a car.  But I don'.t like to drive.  I

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My android doesn't work well with these forums.  I don't like to drive because it could go wrong.  With stuff going on it's a risk and I don't want to be in a wreck or asked questions by the police.  They would take my liscense away if they knew.  Not tht I have a car to drive to work or anywhere else.  I am actually a good driver but machines seem dangerous for someone of my condition.  It will always be that way.  If they don't let us have guns why would they let us operate heavy machinary?  Make sense?  Jobs usually are dangerous, my dingbat doctor doesn't have a clue away from her chair.

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My mom thinks my Dad lost touch with reality.  She says he went around telling people he was in Vietnam.  I think I mostly dislike my mom when it comes to the topic of Dad.  My Dad told me he was in Vietnam and also told me he wasn't.  The Marine I knew also told me he was places that is not on his record.  I find that people are crazy about the military.  They know nothing or they know too much.  My Dad was somewhat of an expert in how to drill for oil.  He was learning how to run a drilling crew since he was 16 and worked for Grandpa.  I've seen the military do things myself, things they don't admit.  Other people saw things as well but they don't have any experience or knowledge.  I don't care to share talk with people who are dumb of the ways of the world.  My step father thinks he helped make rods for shrapnel for nuclear weapons.  Why would a nuke require shrapnel?  They vaoporize cities and turn everything outside that zone into huge amounts of flying junk.  What is going to make a rod important in that?  I swear..........................lol

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There are people from every country who have mental illness. There are people from every country who have disabilities. There are people from every country (America included) who have warped opinions on MI and disability, and who stigmatize it.There are people (and doctors) of every national origin (yes, including Americans) who don't understand the hardships faced by people with disabilities- and the politics of their native country's governments really have nothing at all to do with that. 

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