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I hate my stupid brain.


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I've been trying really hard to control my mood the past few weeks & now my brain has decided to start thinking about slipping into bad habits again & its really concerning me.

 

Background - just before my school prom & during my first year of college I became obsessed with dieting & weight loss which rapidly developed into disordered eating with extreme restriction, obsessive exercising, constant thoughts about food/exercise/weight & a severely warped body image. This has recently been suggested by my pdoc as an eating disorder (assuming EDNOS) though at the time I couldn't see how bad things were. I lost a lot of weight & caused a lot of concern for my SO who managed to talk me round to counseling & eventually normal eating patterns.

 

Due to meds & chronic fatigue I'm currently the most I've ever weighed. That combined with already sporadic moods & suspected BDD has made those disordered thoughts crop up again & I'm struggling to scrap together the strength to not give in. 

 

I'm trying to eat healthy & I'm joining the gym soon, I figured trying to lose weight normally would hopefully program my brain to except that's the best way. However I know that will take so very long & with these nagging thoughts I'm just finding things tough right now :(

Edited by Tea & Sympathy
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I really need to lose weight but yes I am scared it'll trigger me :/

I dont have a lot of support just a few close people, I'm gonna tell my SO how i've been feeling later. I'll talk to pdoc about what he suggests when I go, I only have to wait until the 31st so I'm trying to hold on

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  • 1 month later...

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