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I'm almost always suspicious these days of myself and my perceptions. I've been really paranoid about my house being bugged and my phone being tracked by my godkids mom. See, my friend ray is always mad at her and always has something to criticize her about, and I keep thinking she has myporch bugged so I don't respond to him. I also worry about him being in my shower, so I check it when I go in there. I've also been carrying my pellet gun with me at night when I go outside to smoke a cigarette, terrified, and talking loudly so people know I'm there and animals, too. But the people across the street tried to break into our garage last week, so I slept with the gun by the couch with me. I also loaded my new m14 pellet rifle, my bb gun and my other pellt/bb rifle. It makes me feel safer. I'm thinking I will smoke in the backyard tonight when my dad goes to bed so I'm safe.

I don't know what is irrational and what isn't, but I'm suspicious and scared every time I go out at night or talk on my porch.

Edited by exl2398
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We had a prowler around our house for a while last year. He approached and threatened my sister on two different occasions. We were all keyed up for awhile; I started going everywhere armed, and I would sit vigil in the house at night while the others slept.

 

What helped me was talking about it with the others. Listening to what thoughts we shared mutually, versus what thoughts were mine alone, I was able to rough out an idea of where I might be going overboard. Talking about it with the police (something I usually avoid at all costs) was surprisingly helpful, as well, as was talking to my therapist about it. Tdoc and I sounded out rational versus irrational ways to handle situations.

 

I was able to sit down with my housemates and work out a plan for if something did happen. Having that plan in mind, having something concrete and positive to focus on, was helpful. Just feeling like I was doing something to get ahead of the paranoia and unsafe feelings took a big step toward helping me feel more at ease.

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I think talking about it with others as mentioned is a good idea. It will help to do some reality checking. I also have thoughts like yours, like I start to think there are cameras in my bedroom and I panic looking out the window at night because I feel like someone is out there waiting to break in when we go to bed. Sometimes I will see the shape of a person in my car at night. It's so scary, I have been really close to screaming in my front yard. That would be embarrassing to explain. Anyway, I think talking about it with someone you trust is a good idea.

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I used to have a lot of these same issues.  I did a lot of checking to make sure I was just "imagining" things.  It helped some ( I think someone called this reality checking?).  It never got rid of the feeling that someone was there to hurt me or my family but I could at least tell myself that I checked and noone was there.  Since I started meds, I don't do this...much.  I still wake up in the middle of the night sometimes sure that something somewhere is *wrong* and I need to find out what it is.  Also, it's really hard to explain to a SO why exactly you're taking the phone apart.  Or in the case of a cell, doing a wipe (reset) to make sure there's no apps spying on me.  A wipe is easy to explain tho "oh it was screwing up on me all the time".  

 

Wow, all that takes me back.  I'd forgotten how much I did that stuff.  

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