Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

I need impulse control help! Found out he's married!


Recommended Posts

Wow! I am flipping out! I really need you guys to help me control myself.I can't even get into details at the moment but a guy I have been spilling out my guts to for like a year & a half has been lying to me the whole time.About everything & I just found out last night that he is married...and he just got married in October!

I knew he was evil but how it was done was spine chilling & I was in shock all day but now...I'm just getting so angry. I feel like a fool & it's so hard for me to not want to carry out revenge.I don't mean any physical harm..I just mean that I'm tempted to tell his wife.I know I shouldn't but damn...when I get like this-the emotions are way too much & I know myself...I think I might call, text, email, mail a letter etc.I need you guys to tell me not to do it.I will never ever see him again but I am gonna have a hard time getting over this because he was the first & only guy I had any attraction to what so ever in the longest time & I shared so much about myself to him & we all know..that makes us feel like we are in love.I will never ever be able to be in a relationship. I am broken.Yucko!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thats the thing Sylvan, I have heard so many stories of the person telling the wife or husband & the couple stay together & work things out & get stronger.No offense please-i am happy it made your marriage stronger but in my state of mind right now...all I want is to ruin his marriage.He is a monster!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

All great points Titania & I was thinking about most of what you said & I have alot to think about but he kept her a complete secret from me.I blatantly asked him numerous times if he was married & he made a joke & said "I dont have no ring on my fingaaa!" UGH! He asked me to be his gf in October & we had unprotected sex last month.This is horrible but I'm gonna tell you guys-I have reason to believe he might have had herpes & he purposely had sex with me with no condom & joked that we got nothing to worry about cause we're gonna be together forever if I did have herpes.I just got tested & don't think I have amything but I won't be sure for a couple more weeks.

He told me he was going on a family reunion when he was getting married & he texted me & sent me pictures while he was on his honeymoon. I was led to believe he was completely single.He even talked about marrying me & having 5 kids.All the signs of a true psycho.I have been having a bad feeling about him from day 1 but I still was so attracted to him that I hoped for the best.

There's not much he can do to slander my name but I don't wanna test him cause he is on another level of evil.I asked him how he could do that to me after I told him how hurt I had been by my ex & how my bpd makes relationships very hard for me.I said I couldnt believe I told him all that about me when he obviously didnt give a shit about me.He said he wished we never had sex cause he did like me & thought I was cool.

Then I dont remember what led to this but he made a joke about the herpes thing & I said I would kill him if he gave it to me.He said I dont even know where he lives. ..so I googled around & in about 3 minutes I told him his last name, address & wife's name.He got svared.He said "what did you do?" I said "if you wanna play the game of who's smarter, that's my game & I always win" He said "fine" and that was the end of our conversation.

I just want to teach him a lesson that I can outsmart him...but somehow...just like you said-it wont end up validating my anger like I hope it would.I wanna leave it where it is...I hope he's svared that I am gonna serve revenge on a cold plate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Titania.I have no insurance so it's not easy paying cash for everything but at this point-i dont even wanna think about the std thing.I just got abandoned by my therapist & was hoping to find another one & even looked on the internet but I just don't trust them anymore.It's hard to find a therapist that deals with bpd/possible npd around my area -especially considering the fact that most cost around 100-$200 a session.I don't trust clinics anymore.I need a private practice therapist that doesn't write me off as manipulative.I'm going to try to look into finding one.I know I need one! Thanks again.

Edited by BlurredBoundaries
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Titania-

I do know all about herpes & I am not afraid to get a medical care,if I need it.My health is definitely a priority-.I just said I don't want to think about it right now cause I'm just too overwhemed tonight.But yes...I would never subject anyone to that.I appreciate everyone's support tonight.Thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've decided to leave it alone..unless he contacts me again...or if something (which we shall not speak about) comes up in the future.

Thank you everyone for chiming in & giving me alot to think about & a chance to vent.I'm kind of proud of myself,for being able to control myself through that & come out with my dignity.It feels good even though I'm a bit humiliated that I got used.

Thanks again

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I hope you change your mind and clue his wife in.   If he is having unprotected sex with you he might be with someone else.  His wife might not know what she could get (STDs)    And I want to echo that comment about wishing someone had told me.   I only knew something was wrong and we had a long miserable relationship.  It sucks to be the odd man out and not even know it.   "It sucks" is not a powerful enough statement.   It PTSD omg medicate the fuck out of me would be more accurate. 

 

Things have changed for the better but when I wasn't clued in I was sure it was something wrong with me.   How lousy does that sound? 

 

Re: open marriages or accepting his having affairs?   At least let her know and decide.  If they have some kind of arrangement telling her won't bother her and if you do you might be saving her a life of misery.  Hey - she might know things that you need to know as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would want any random individual to tell me if it were the case, honestly.

 

People say it isn't their place.

 

If it's my boyfriend and someone knows about it, it is their place to tell me. I don't care who it is.

 

But it sounds like you just want to hurt him and not do her a favor so this argument may be pointless. But still. 

 

It also takes a lot to be able to do that, and that is understandable as well.. That would be a difficult action to take. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The herpes does change things, to be honest. The initial impression I got was that it was a 'I want to tell to get back at him thing' but an STD does change my view on that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi everyone!

Thanks for reading & taking the time to reply.I have to be honest & say that athough I know where you guys are coming from-I would want to know, if I was his wife too but, I am not going to be the one who tells her.I know in my heart that, if she has any common sense & self worth, she will find out about him & leave him if she wants to.Cheaters always slip up.

I don't want to intrude into their marriage because he has not contacted me & I just want to forget about him.I don't want to make it seem like he is important enough for me to get into his business. I am ashamed of myself as it is cause I served him sex on a platter.When we first started talking-I had no intention of really mewting him in real life so I just let out my hornyness at him.What man would turn that down? Then I spilled all my secrets to him.Then...I started really liking him.I'm ashamed because I had the gut instinct from the start that he was gonna hurt me & I should have listened to it right away but I just can't help being attracted to these unavailable types.

I'm going to take a long break from dating.I also wanted to say that I got my sti results & thank goodness it was all negative.I am so thankful for that I am going to be more careful from now on.Probably too careful cause I feel like I'll never be able to open up again but I guess time will tell.I will get retested in 6 months but for now...I just can't bring myself to telling hos wife-it's been a little over 2 weeks since I found out & it would feel pointless to tell now.I love the feeling of leaving unsaid unspoken cause I usually end up embarrasing myself or just not getting the outcome I wanted so- I think I learned one small but valuable skill.Keep my damn mouth shut until my feelings subside.

I hope that makes sense cause I'm stoned & kind of out of it.Thanks again

Edited by BlurredBoundaries
Link to comment
Share on other sites

He texted me today asking if I called him from a private number. I was gonna just ignore it but I got a little emotional & kind of impulsively replied "No, if I need to reach you, I'll just Facebook message your wife.Don't text me anymore"

He replied back "Ok, you're deleted"

"And blocked"

Argh! Brings back intense emotions but I'm gonna just let it go..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi

 

I think you have been really strong, it must be very hard to fight of all those emotions, and i hope your not feeling

rejected by the a******e.

 

His wife will eventually find out what he is really like and your far too good for someone else's reject.

Edited by neptunesky
Link to comment
Share on other sites

...You know what?  As sucky as this was?  

That other poor fool MARRIED this epic asshole!

 You are actually the far luckier one here.

 

May the crotch cooties not smite you and may you be blessed with an assortment of far better guys to choose from in the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I still hope you tell his wife.   How probable is it that he continues to cheat on her?   What if he gives her some STD as a result?   I think if he gets away with crap like this he is going to do more of it.   Speaking as the person who had been cheated on (for years) I spent a very long time thinking the changes that come with one person stepping out of the marriage were problems with me.   And I beat the hell out of myself and was focusing on paranoid problems which is not my problem.  My self worth = ing  zero and so on.  

 

You didn't intrude in their marriage.  You didn't know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...