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Do you feel you are wasting your potential?


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Due to my MI sometimes I feel well and sometimes really bad. The moments I feel well, I feel that I could be able to work and be productive, but then I feel bad and remember the reasons why I can´t work.

 

For the past week I felt really well, calm, energized, I was able to concentrate, relate to others. These kind of moments I feel I am wasting my potential because I do feel I am inteligent, it is my mood swings and motivation the ones that prevent me from working. In these kind of moments I feel bored, because I could be giving more. But then I feel really bad and can´t function.

 

Do you ever feel you are wasting your potential??? your creativity? all you could give?

Which are your strengths that you are wasting?

 

P.S. Please do not suggest volunteering, reading books or having a hobbie. I´ve already done that.

Edited by CookieN
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Do you ever feel you are wasting your potential??? your creativity? all you could give?

 

short answer: yes

 

long answer

I tend to be a seasonal cycler. Thus, for me, in the summer I am at my best. I am motivated, energized, purely passionate, positive, and goal oriented. I think very in depth on what I want to accomplish as a person & how I want to use my talents. However every fall breaks in a new tune; of depression, cognitive hell, agitation, anxiety, and even physical sickness.

 

ATM I am contemplating on going back to college. But my issue is just this, I know my cycle will come back to haunt me; to bring me back to where my mental, emotional, & physical functioning is nearly non existent. And once more I will either fail, or lose sight in my goal & passion in a dark moment.

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I feel like i'm wasting potential everyday. I lost my scholarship and two great jobs due to my health. I am still chasing my master's but am at a point where i'm about to start calling it quits (struggling since early 20's). I still have hope of a 'normal' life but as the days go on i'm not so sure it's in the cards for me. I want to work full-time but everything is still at a stand-still because I havn't 'stabilized' quite yet.

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Due to my MI sometimes I feel well and sometimes really bad. The moments I feel well, I feel that I could be able to work and be productive, but then I feel bad and remember the reasons why I can´t work.

 

For the past week I felt really well, calm, energized, I was able to concentrate, relate to others. These kind of moments I feel I am wasting my potential because I do feel I am inteligent, it is my mood swings and motivation the ones that prevent me from working. In these kind of moments I feel bored, because I could be giving more. But then I feel really bad and can´t function.

 

Do you ever feel you are wasting your potential??? your creativity? all you could give?

Which are your strengths that you are wasting?

 

P.S. Please do not suggest volunteering, reading books or having a hobbie. I´ve already done that.

Boy, I sure can relate to that. I really should be leading a charmed and very productive life, but all this shit intervened. Whether it's school, work, relationships, hobbies, or whatever ... I always blow it up. About 20 months is the longest I've ever been able to hold things together.
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I know I have potential in me somewhere, but I have no clue what it is.  Right now I don't feel like I am wasting it though because I just have no clue. 

 

I guess you could say that I have potential for managing the MI, and I don't feel like I am wasting that.  I'm doing the best I can with the given circumstances.

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I do feel my potential is being wasted, although I don't feel it's something I am actively doing, but rather a consequence of my illness. When I feel well, I wish I could be putting that time to good use, but the periods of stability aren't usually long enough to accomplish anything. I'll enrol in a course but become unwell before finishing it. It really blows.

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I get this, completely get it. Although I can work, it is a struggle, but I have yet to reach a point where my mi stops me from doing that. Sadly though, I still can't find a job despite struggling for three years and getting a decent grade for my degree.

I'm just wallowing and wasting my youth I feel. No one gives a damn, so I just sit here trying and failing, or my mi crashes me and i just sit here hating myself for not being motivated to even do some washing.

There is potential, and I know exactly what to do to get my feet on the ladder, but there's no motivation, no drive. So I'm sat here being nothing. No one. I should probably change that...

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I don't know. I have definitely felt this very strongly in the past, and to some extent I guess I still do. But honestly I'm not even sure what my "potential" is really, or how it could be measured, or what it would look like if I were actually reaching it, or if it is just a vague and meaningless concept drilled into my head since birth. I mean- if I have the "potential" to do specific things or achieve specific goals, but then it turns out I can't actually do or achieve these things, do I really have the "potential" for it after all?

 

And I try not to be too hard on myself (try, that is) because I think a lot of people feel this way about their lives, like they could be doing something more or "better," but for whatever reason, they can't. Not just because of MI, but socioeconomic reasons, family situations, physical health barriers, mistakes they made in the past, and the list could go on and on. I think it is a very human thing to feel like we are chronically underachieving, when we are told from day 1 to "be all you can be!", and when we live in cultures that tell us we must be "successful" to be happy- with quite rigid indicators of being a "success" vs. not being one (whether it's having a college degree, having certain kinds of careers, making x amount of money, owning certain things, having certain types of relationships, etc.). It's easy to feel inadequate, or to feel like a failure, when we can't live up to these expectations. But the simple fact is, a lot of us can't.

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Do you ever feel you are wasting your potential??? your creativity? all you could give?

Which are your strengths that you are wasting?

I do sometimes feel like I could have done so much more with my life but I can't deny that I am doing the best I can with the hand I have been given. My strengths? I honestly don't know, my MI has affected me in the way that I have little attention span and I get overwhelmed so easily. I do know that I am patient and good with kids. I have a good memory and I know I am smart but I can't use it to my potential because of my MI.

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I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  It really bothers me that I have a masters degree and I'm doing absolutely nothing with it.  My days are hard to fill.  I've tried to switch the way I think about my lack of responsibility.  I try to accept that I am here simply to "be".  Anything beyond that is cake.  One thing that has helped is taking a class at my local community college.  It gives me a sense of purpose and I enjoy learning.  Is that something you could do?

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Yep, I know I have squandered my potential, and I am sick about it. Not one day goes by that I don't grieve the fact that I am unable to work in my field. I feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines watching others do what I want to do and know I could do if given the chance. I really am sick about it. 

 

I don't really have any remedy for it. In my case, I'm trying to work in my field on my own. Hopefully, I will produce something worthy of publication. I have about 3 great ideas that if I can follow through on them could be significant. But the illness is always there and tends to short-circuit my motivation when I need it the most. Also, I have a terrible time concentrating and can only work in short periods throughout the day.

 

Yes, I am sick about it.

 

Edit: It's not all the fault of my MI. I have rather odd interests, and it is very difficult to find a job that would give me the freedom to pursue my interests. And I have A LOT of trouble motivating myself to do what does not interest me (I even have trouble motivating myself to do what does interest me). I feel like I can make a great contribution, but by working on other things, I feel like I'm losing this chance to exploit my talents.

Edited by jt07
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Yes. I went to college and got my degree. Now I'm in a ton of debt and have nothing to show for it. I thought my life was planned out for me. I worked in my field for one year and then had to abandon it due to MI. It hurt. I'm trying to get my life together now but it's hard. I feel guilty sitting home and not going to work. It really bothers me a lot.

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Absolutely. When I am good and on the ball - I am great. Not a high mind you - where I think I'm amazing! It sucks to feel that I have the potential and ability to do so much more but every time I get close WHAM! I do all the books/volunteering/etc. as well and it's so much more than that. We're not some stay at home mom/dad who is just bored but we physically can't do anything about whats holding us back. (obvy I take and support medicine and such, not meaning that)

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Yes, yes, yes.  It feels pathetic when I think about the things I was able to do in the past that I can do no longer.  Are these things still inside of me, or are they gone altogether?  I am often ambivalent about many things and can't seem to muster any motivation.  I moved back in with my parents a few years ago--I had planned on a six month stint with them to "pull myself together" but have not been able to move on and move out.  It has been over four years now.  Will I be able to hold a full-time job again when I have finished with school in May?  Can I hold things together in order to finish school in May?  I am barely holding down a part-time one now.  My car just died and I can't afford to replace it.  It really bothers me that I cannot adequately provide for myself.

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This is one of my biggest issues with myself. Whenever I was in school, my professors loved me, I got good grades when my MI wasn't ruining it for me. I got so many second chances at college because my professors knew I was smart and believed in me but I fucked up those chances too many times and now I have massive debt and no degrees. I had so many hopes and dreams planned out for myself and I squandered the chances I had. I'm stuck in a job I've had since high school now. I can't go back to school because I have to work full time and the colleges are all a long drive and I know I can't handle it with my MI, I've proven that to myself. I've been thinking of completing a different degree online, since the one I was pursuing is not available online, but I haven't answered the calls of the schools I requested information from because I'm too scared. 

 

I'm constantly thinking about what I could have become by now in my life. I don't want to sound full of myself, because I hate myself and think I'm a POS, but the neuropsych testing and all of the hard proof that I'm actually a smart person shows that I could have done so much more with myself haunts me. But I really do think it's true that a lot of people with MI are very intelligent beyond that of the "regular" population. 

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My roommates have to often remind me when I get like this that I have ups and downs....That if I was to work I would have to be stable......Going into work for a few days than quiting due to the depression only causes problems with social security. Not to say I'm using them. I'm not! I would rather have a life that is productive and me become a minister......If I was to work and lose my SS and then lose my doctor cause I couldn't afford it than be back to square one would just be heart breaking to me.....I'm taking baby steps....Like working on cleaning the house and keeping my truck clean and my room. Just a little helps.

Edited by sonicwhite
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This is one of my biggest issues with myself. Whenever I was in school, my professors loved me, I got good grades when my MI wasn't ruining it for me. I got so many second chances at college because my professors knew I was smart and believed in me but I fucked up those chances too many times and now I have massive debt and no degrees. I had so many hopes and dreams planned out for myself and I squandered the chances I had. I'm stuck in a job I've had since high school now. I can't go back to school because I have to work full time and the colleges are all a long drive and I know I can't handle it with my MI, I've proven that to myself. I've been thinking of completing a different degree online, since the one I was pursuing is not available online, but I haven't answered the calls of the schools I requested information from because I'm too scared. 

 

I'm constantly thinking about what I could have become by now in my life. I don't want to sound full of myself, because I hate myself and think I'm a POS, but the neuropsych testing and all of the hard proof that I'm actually a smart person shows that I could have done so much more with myself haunts me. But I really do think it's true that a lot of people with MI are very intelligent beyond that of the "regular" population. 

For what it's worth, I think you are NOT a POS.  You seem like an intelligent, insightful person from your posts and I enjoy reading them.  Just my two cents.

 

The schooling you have under your belt was by no means a waste of your time or money--you can still transfer the credits elsewhere if you wish to get a degree.  (Some people, like my computer guru brother never do and excel professionally.  His resume says, "Attended Blah Blah University" and no one seems to care that he didn't graduate, but it may depend upon the industry.  He has ADHD and an MI, too.)  The online option sounds like a great idea.  I get scared of phone calls, too.  I probably sound like a bad self-help book, but making daily to-do lists with small goals really helps me to get things accomplished when I'm well enough to accomplish things.  Could you set a goal for yourself to call one school each week until you've made contact with the colleges in which you're interested?  Or can you e-mail them instead?  I'm a grad assistant in my department at my state's university, and most of the queries we get from prospective students are by e-mail.  Sometimes that can be easier to handle than a phone conversation.  Sorry if I got off the OP's topic.

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This is one of my biggest issues with myself. Whenever I was in school, my professors loved me, I got good grades when my MI wasn't ruining it for me. I got so many second chances at college because my professors knew I was smart and believed in me but I fucked up those chances too many times and now I have massive debt and no degrees. I had so many hopes and dreams planned out for myself and I squandered the chances I had. I'm stuck in a job I've had since high school now. I can't go back to school because I have to work full time and the colleges are all a long drive and I know I can't handle it with my MI, I've proven that to myself. I've been thinking of completing a different degree online, since the one I was pursuing is not available online, but I haven't answered the calls of the schools I requested information from because I'm too scared. 

 

I'm constantly thinking about what I could have become by now in my life. I don't want to sound full of myself, because I hate myself and think I'm a POS, but the neuropsych testing and all of the hard proof that I'm actually a smart person shows that I could have done so much more with myself haunts me. But I really do think it's true that a lot of people with MI are very intelligent beyond that of the "regular" population. 

For what it's worth, I think you are NOT a POS.  You seem like an intelligent, insightful person from your posts and I enjoy reading them.  Just my two cents.

 

The schooling you have under your belt was by no means a waste of your time or money--you can still transfer the credits elsewhere if you wish to get a degree.  (Some people, like my computer guru brother never do and excel professionally.  His resume says, "Attended Blah Blah University" and no one seems to care that he didn't graduate, but it may depend upon the industry.  He has ADHD and an MI, too.)  The online option sounds like a great idea.  I get scared of phone calls, too.  I probably sound like a bad self-help book, but making daily to-do lists with small goals really helps me to get things accomplished when I'm well enough to accomplish things.  Could you set a goal for yourself to call one school each week until you've made contact with the colleges in which you're interested?  Or can you e-mail them instead?  I'm a grad assistant in my department at my state's university, and most of the queries we get from prospective students are by e-mail.  Sometimes that can be easier to handle than a phone conversation.  Sorry if I got off the OP's topic.

 

Thank you very much for your response. I probably could email them, I should probably look into that. I should also create a to do list, I have many appointments to make and I haven't made any phone calls regarding those, either. For example, I had plenty of time to do that this morning, but I didn't and now I have to leave for work soon, I'm an excellent procrastinator. 

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Thank you very much for your response. I probably could email them, I should probably look into that. I should also create a to do list, I have many appointments to make and I haven't made any phone calls regarding those, either. For example, I had plenty of time to do that this morning, but I didn't and now I have to leave for work soon, I'm an excellent procrastinator. 

 

I'm a big procrastinator myself.  I have an incomplete in a class from last spring because I need to research and write a paper for which I have to do a lot of unfamiliar research at the (cringe) public law library.  I am intimidated and freaked out by a number of variables related to this research at the law library and have not been able to write the paper.  It's embarrassing.

Edited by shesellsseashells
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