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What "symptoms/criteria" affect you the most?


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As I am sure most of us know here :

 

BPD is manifested by a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

  1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
  2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting."
  3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
  4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).
  5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.
  6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
  8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
  9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

I just thought it would be interesting to see, across the board, what traits of BPD affects us the most?

 

For me, it is Identity Disturbance (to excess), strong suicidality and the transient paranoia (to excess)/dissociative symptoms (not so much anymore)

Currenlt I only meet these criteria. I also use to have the chronic emptiness and I used to SH/SI but that is recovered now I am not dissociating as much. I also have diagnosed Bipolar 2 and I tend to have the paranioa/dissociation a lot more in my depressive/dysphoric hypo/mixed episodes and it tends to go away on it's on when my mood is "baseline" or hypomanic. All very odd and entwinded and I am trying to make sense of it all.

No matter where my mood though, the lack of sense of self (identity disturbance) is so paramount in me and I honestly don't know how to fix that...

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there are people out there who I've meet that are:

 

completely secure in themselves and confident that they have something to offer

thoughtful and intentional instead of being change-entire-life-on-a-whim impulsive

capable of having the same mood for entire day with minor variations, or

good with resetting to a base emotional stability even with most normal interference,

not begging for compliments and validation like air,

 

but I do not grasp their secret magic.

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there are people out there who I've meet that are:

 

completely secure in themselves and confident that they have something to offer

thoughtful and intentional instead of being change-entire-life-on-a-whim impulsive

capable of having the same mood for entire day with minor variations, or

good with resetting to a base emotional stability even with most normal interference,

not begging for compliments and validation like air,

 

but I do not grasp their secret magic.

 

What she said.

 

Currently I'm dealing most with 1,2, 3, and 7, fears of abandonment always being the biggest, strongest pain in my ass. 

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there are people out there who I've meet that are:

 

completely secure in themselves and confident that they have something to offer

thoughtful and intentional instead of being change-entire-life-on-a-whim impulsive

capable of having the same mood for entire day with minor variations, or

good with resetting to a base emotional stability even with most normal interference,

not begging for compliments and validation like air,

 

but I do not grasp their secret magic.

^^^ THIS! HOW do they do it? and people who know what they want out of life? how do they know?!?!?!?

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3, 5 and 9 (the paranoia not so much dissociating) are my deal right now. Badly :(

I am going through severe dysphoric mania with my Bipolar (I swear one of these days it WILL kill me)

When I get in mixed states or bad depressive ones is when the Borderline seems to creep in guns a blazing. Only ever 2/3 symptoms of it at a time but hells bells, those symptoms come VICIOUSLY :(

 

I am sorry you're all suffering too. I'm sending you all cyber (((hugs))) x

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The vast feelings of emptiness and the lack of identity are the worst for me right now. The identity (or lack of) is definitely the worst. My high reactions still occur and seem to be the biggest problem related to mood I think. Not too much has happened to make me react lately, but when it does it leads to self harm threats and feelings. I haven't harmed since mid-October, which is great but I have certainly thought about it a ton, and the short period of time since I've done it make me feel that aspect is not entirely in remission yet, when it's been a year since actions or severe thoughts, then I might consider it more under control.

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The vast feelings of emptiness and the lack of identity are the worst for me right now. The identity (or lack of) is definitely the worst. My high reactions still occur and seem to be the biggest problem related to mood I think. Not too much has happened to make me react lately, but when it does it leads to self harm threats and feelings. I haven't harmed since mid-October, which is great but I have certainly thought about it a ton, and the short period of time since I've done it make me feel that aspect is not entirely in remission yet, when it's been a year since actions or severe thoughts, then I might consider it more under control.

 

It is a hard journey at the best of times. I am sorry you're struggling so much.

The lack of self is horrendous. I hate it :'(

SH- is a vicious cycle. Good on you for being brave and strong and fighting it so strongly!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Particularly rough patch right now, triggered I think by a recent encounter with two exes who were abusive in some way...

So let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9... Only thing I'm really doing pretty well on is resisting SH, although urges have popped up.

Went on a bit of a bender, involving drugs alcohol and a sexual encounter that makes me feel like a disgusting human being.

Honestly, I thought I was doing better and then I go and royally fuck it up. I always do this and it's so disheartening. I think I have a simultaneous fear of really succeeding in life/recovering along with a fear of failing/crashing and burning.. It's confusing and results in me being super motivated one day and hopeless the next (anyone else experience this inner conflict?)

I feel for everyone struggling, it's so damn hard. Stay strong and I'm sending love and good vibes your way.

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Right now… 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9

 

5, I would put as a maybe.  I do intentionally cause myself extreme discomfort to bring myself back from dissociative states but I don’t do anything dangerous. However I have started having that thought again recently, in intense emotional episodes, that suicide might be the only way to fix life for people around me. It’s not something I think about actually doing though.

 

7, I am worried this one may be slowly coming back. I do find that each time I “accept” my BPD again and start to deal with it, things start to get worse before they get better. This one also does come and go a lot with me due to also suffering from bipolar, so I don’t get this issue much when manic haha.

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I think my most problematic area is being myself.  I wore a mask to all emotions most of my life.  I learned how to become a chameleon to fit in with anyone.  Now I am learning how to feel my own feelings and how to express them.  I am in a DBT based group and it is helping but it takes going over the skills many times.

 

I have a bumper stick that says it all.  "I'm still trying to find myself.  Have you seen me anyplace?"

 

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