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Thank you. I was on diazipan for my anxiety but I was taken off it because it was only supposed to be short term. I was taken off the tdoc list because my depersonalisation was under control and I could manage it, the diazapan helped me get through uni and my depersonalisation is often triggered by post anxiety feelings. I felt okay, and then I just crashed, and its one thing after another, its getting worse faster than it ever has before. i do think life has contributed but theres little I can do there. When we moved house 18 months ago I registered with a new docs, who stopped therapy in May. I can't afford to go private. The new doctors don't seem to care that I have a history and this isn't the first time. Now I've lost my home we're going to live with family so I'm moving doctors again. 

I just dont know how much more of this I can take.

Edited by Paperskyscraper
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I know it's extremely hard right now, but are there any little things you can do to take care of yourself?  Take a bath, comb your hair, small things to make you feel a little pause in your day and involve positive action towards yourself.  I know that when I'm stressed, I basically don't eat, for example, so a good thing for me would be to lovingly prepare myself a salad, because I love those but they're so much work the way I do it.

 

It's just a little pebble in the face of a rising tsunami of emotion many times, but over time the waters will calm and the walls you raise against the sea that are made of stone will be places for love to play.  ... erm.  I hope that makes sense.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I hope you are feeling better now. I feel you on the not being able to take it anymore. I am constantly saying that, most everyday. 

 

Be thankful you have a husband that understands and can relate to your condition and problems. I have an ex-wife that once questioned whether depression was even real. She was a "pull up your bootstraps" and get over it person. Now  I am single and so f***ed up that nobody in the right mind would want to date me, no matter how attractive and funny I am. That's all I got going for me these days. 

 

 

Benzos are great but trouble.

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Be thankful you have a husband that understands and can relate to your condition and problems. I have an ex-wife that once questioned whether depression was even real. She was a "pull up your bootstraps" and get over it person. Now  I am single and so f***ed up that nobody in the right mind would want to date me, no matter how attractive and funny I am. That's all I got going for me these days. 

 

unhelpful.  there's no Suffering Olympics on CrazyBoards, so stop comparing your pain to other people's.

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I wish I had a magic wand for both of us, when I find it i'll share I promise. To take away the pain.  

 

I am sorry that you are in a world of hurt right now and that just being right now is hard. As a prior poster sugested therapy is very helpfull. Prehaps you can go private (I see you are in the UK, I dont know a lot on BH in the UK but have read some books with charactors who lived in England.) and see someone who does sliding scale. I personaly would try to get back on the comunity therapy program/treatment to help make life more managable in the long term.

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  • 2 weeks later...

You remind me of someone else I know and what they are going through....she is depressed and has a lot of emotional/mental stuff she is going through, anxiety, paranoia, ect, but the part that caught my attention is that she also is having the physical problems. She has trouble with nausea in response to many types of food, aches and pains in her legs mostly but sometimes everywhere, fatigue, itching skin, joint soreness, flu-like symptoms, all kinds of random alternating things. She has been tested for everything imaginable! Urine tests, blood tests, vitamin/mineral levels, hormone levels, auto-immune deseases, stds, I mean everything! The doctors ran out of ideas and began calling it hypochondria or psychosomatic. She is left still searching for answers so you are not alone. If she finds an answer I will let you know and if you find one will you tell me so that I can help her too?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi everyone, I just thought I'd update! (And I have found the cause, Broken_Pieces, my mystery illness is no longer a mystery...)

 

My symptoms are anxiety related, fueled by stress. I presume everything has just been building, job losses, that stupid warehouse shit, losing the house, money worries... it's still not okay but we moved out and we don't have the rent and bill worry anymore and that helped a lot. I've never really understood stress making you ill, but it really does... I've just never been under enough of it to make me ill before apparently. 

 

I didn't even feel 'stressed' I was unhappy and I was worried, but I didn't realise how bad it was until I was taken out of the situation and allowed to break down.

 

I just thought I'd let you know that's what was 'up'. Thank you all for being so supportive *big CB hugs* 

Edited by Paperskyscraper
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