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Just lazy (includes signposted trigger?)


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I'm diagnosed with depression. My GP recently changed my medication from Sertraline to Venlafaxine (starting at 37.5mg).

 

I had 3 weeks of doing nothing for xmas and new year holidays. I had an assignment due for Monday which I did at 8pm through till 8am. It is utter garbage, literally mostly regurgitated what was handed to me by the lecturer/ reorganised readily available material. All the time when I was writing it I kept forgetting what I had read and what the point of the assignment was. I have a test later on today (it's 3:44am here) which I haven't revised for. I just don't care. In the most un-empassioned way possible - What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't have motivation. Can someone explain, using theory, potentially what could be wrong? Venlafaxine increases serotonin and noradrenaline - is it right that Serotonin increases overall brain functioning and noradrenaline boosts motivation?

 

Everything past this point is superfluous. A collection of worries which indulge my narcissistic personality traits.

 

I was a depressed kid. I couldn't read, they thought I had word finding difficulties at first, I eventually caught up and in final year they entered me into gifted and talented program (for fast learners). All the time during primary school the teachers would complain that I didn't pay attention. One of my teachers had my hearing tested which came back fine. In high school I had the same problem despite being able to keep up with the work.

 

I don't feel able to joke even though I always surprise myself. When people talk to me, most of the time I'm disinterested. My bedroom is a fucking sty and I don't feel motivated to clean it.

 

( :excl: Trigger :excl: ) I put a belt round my neck today to see how useful it would be. It's one of the options floating around in my head.

 

The only thing I'm motivated for is weight lifting/body building. I don't want to look like a freak. My self image is a massive obsession, I want to look normal and the reason why I don't look normal is my gut which I think is a result of anterior pelvis tilt. I'm going to see a chiropractor about it.

 

My sister said to me "why do I have to think of everything?", "You do everything slow, don't you".

My sister cares about things and I don't understand why I don't.

Is my Endocrine system not working correctly?

 

I'm concerned that I don't really feel motivated to have a girlfriend. I'm motivated to keep up the appearance of being normal by saying I want a girlfriend to my friends but I'm considering identifying myself as asexual just so no-one will bother me. The reasons why I don't want one are that I'm depressed, overly concerned with my appearance and scared of intimacy (anything past hugs).

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Motivation is a common problem with depression. Unfortunately, for many or most of us antidepressants aren't magic bullets that knock out all the symptoms. Sometimes a drug might help some things and not other things, and affect a different person in a different way. Motivation is a huge problem for me, and i've spent the past year and a half changing up my meds trying to deal with it. I'm curious if this is your first depressive episode or if you have a history of them...because if you have a history, or even just if your doctor is finding your depression difficult to treat, you're probably much better off going to a psychiatrist who specializes in this stuff. Therapy also can be really useful. If you are trying on belts you are in the danger zone. I know you said your med change was recent, but you should communicate to your GP wants going on in your head. i hope you fins some relief from the depression soon.

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One thought that comes to mind: You are on a very low dose of venlafaxine. I take it you are just being started off slowly. You'll have to get higher before it has any effect. (Unless you are highly sensitive to it, of course, there are those who are.)

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I've considered phoning people up and talking to them about how I feel but I just think it's only for people who are experiencing emotional pain. I'm pretty much without emotion, my self esteem is as low as possible and I think it comes form an accurate depiction of my own inadequacy and their probably lies the pathology of my depression.

 

My sleeping pattern is atrocious, getting up at 5pm. Sleeping more than 7 hours and getting worried about it because people with crap sleeping patterns lose 0.5 -1 IQ points  a year compared to others. How's the best way to reset your sleeping pattern? What's your experience with sleeping too much? What effect did it have on your cognition?

 

Maybe I see myself as this failure/loser type character and feel compelled to conform to it? I've got a history of MI - in chronological order: Social anxiety/anorexia - social anxiety/eating disorder/depression - social anxiety/depression - social anxiety/depression.

Edited by neckstretch
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It sounds like the social anxiety might be a common thread that underlies all the other things.

 

Have you considered seeing a tdoc who specializes in treating anxiety and depression to get some better skills to manage and hopefully reduce the symptoms you have?

 

Many people find that a combination of meds and talk therapy are the most useful path to feeling better faster.

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TDOC? Tallahassee Dog Obedience Club < joke.

 

I'm on a waiting list to see a psychologist, been waiting a long time.

 

I've thought that about social anxiety, my last psychologist declared me cured after being with me for a long time. I don't know why he discharged me when he knew I didn't have any friends and was scared to talk to people/ scared of people - to the extent I wouldn't look at them?

 

Most of the success I've had has been because my sister dragged me out with her and her friends.

Edited by neckstretch
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It sounds like the social anxiety might be a common thread that underlies all the other things.

 

Have you considered seeing a tdoc who specializes in treating anxiety and depression to get some better skills to manage and hopefully reduce the symptoms you have?

 

Many people find that a combination of meds and talk therapy are the most useful path to feeling better faster.

 

I agree with the combination of meds and therapy. First I thought meds where important (Yes, when very depressed, it's important), but later I had very much on the talking therapy. It was very useful for me... 

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You are not lazy, you made an effort to do the report even though you felt that you couldn't.

 

I just can't motivate myself to do anything other than the bare essentials, i can just about shower, eat, go to the shops, but even this can feel like a huge effort. I defiantly can not work but i really want to. I see people having normal life's

and it just looks exhausting.

 

Is there a support team at your University?, there was at mine, it was part of the disability services and they were really helpful with giving me things like extensions on deadlines.

 

Get a second opinion on when they thought you were well again, i was forever being discharged from mental health services when i was still unwell, i think it's quite a problem in the uk as they tend to only take on the life or death cases, i don't think there is nearly enough NHS funding.

Edited by neptunesky
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I've got a neurology appointment on the 12th. Just going to eliminate the possibility of there being something physically wrong with my brain, causing depressive symptoms. Kinda hope that they find something, it would be less weird.

I think it's a good idea to get in touch with the counselling service at my Uni, so I should probably do that.

Edited by neckstretch
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