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Sleep deprivation - help


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My kids have been taking turns for almost two weeks now not sleeping through the night. Nightmares, habit, colds. Then DHs alarm kept going off in the early AM for the gym. All the broken sleep caused me to get unstable and two nights ago I could feel hypomania rising, then last night I couldn't fall asleep until two extra Seroquels at 1 am. Two hours later, my two year old woke me up and two hours after that, DHs alarm, and an hour after that, it was up for the day because the kids were up and DH was at the gym.

I lost it today, I know I'm symptomatic. I was mean to my two year old, enough to want to self harm. (I yelled at him and then accidentally pushed him over. He's fine but I can't get the image of him toppling over out of my head.). I didn't self harm. I haven't done so in 15 years. but I did go into a room the kids couldn't find me and ugly cried, and had horrible, guilty, racing thoughts.

DH basically said, in so many words, that my bipolar disorder inconveniences him and he's failing at work because of me. Despite the fact that I asked him for help. I said "I think all this broken sleep is making me symptomatic. I'm asking for help."

In the past six months I've built my own preschool. It opens next week. DH will be on a business trip. I really need to be stable.

Help me problem solve. Please.

Edited by ray_of_sunshine
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I find Seroquel a relatively fast-acting AAP - you have wiggle room on the dosage (if you took some at night?)?  What about upping your dose for a little bit. 

 

...I guess asking your husband to get up with the kids is out?

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try and  take it easy.take an hour and play your favorite album.

I'm sure you will be able to take ONE hour to yourself.

or meditate.

 

if your life is manageable you will get to sleep.

I think.

but you have so much going on,i understand it's driving you "crazy".

 

the big picture(tl;dr):all aspects of our lives intersect and I'm just wishing you SERENITY.

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Does your 2 year old take a nap?  If so, can you sleep when s/he sleeps to get some extra hours of sleep in?  I know the feeling of sleep deprivation and the consequences all to much.  I hope you are able to come up with a solution that you and your husband agree on. 

 

Do you and your husband go to couples therapy or anything?

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Hi, thanks again for responses.  I took 2 Seroquels last night around 7 and went to bed around 8 or 9, slept until 7 this morning.  I woke up once around midnight with my mind racing and then once around 5 AM because our 2 year old was crying about boogies.  I made my husband sleep on the couch so I didn't have to fully wake up for anything.  I kind of feel better, but kind of not.  Mostly I'm still really pissed at my husband for things he said yesterday.  Our youngest still takes a nap but our oldest doesn't.  He does a "quiet time" and sometimes I can get a nap in then, but I'm kind of that edgy, pissy, revved up, but physically exhausted yucky place so I'm not sure if I laid down if even I'd get a nap in.  We used to do couples and then he got laid off for six months and all things "luxury" went out the window.  We are still getting on our feet after that.  Our kiddos have 2.5 hour preschool this morning; hopefully the 2 year old isn't too sick (no fever) for them to send home and I can have a couple hours to get my head back in the game.  Mood-wise I think I feel better.  A little Seroquel foggy, and still wounded by my husband, but I think stable, more or less.  DEFINITELY not in the SI realm anymore so that's something, right?!  But damn, little dude NEEDS to sleep through the night.  Thanks again everyone.

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Awesome news about the sleep.  It usually takes me a day or two to recover once I have missed a couple of nights, so hopefully you'll feel even better tomorrow.  Not wanting to self-injure yourself anymore is a huge deal, and it's great that you were able to prevent that from happening in the first place.  I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from your husband right now.  Maybe you can go back to couples' therapy once your preschool has been established for a little bit?  I wish you the best with the preschool opening next week!  :D

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DH made kind of an asshole comment. His alarm woke you.

Is there somewhere else you can sleep if you need? When I was in a relationship and I couldn't sleep in the same room, or had an alarm that would go off early am and knew it would wake up (and piss off) my BF, I'd sleep on the comfy couch.

 

Can you get into pdoc ASAP? What about a tdoc?

 

What about melatonin? It's natural, over the counter, can be found at a pharmacy or health food store. They use it in hospitals a lot, actually. Even when I was IP, I could request melatonin if I couldn't sleep.

I hope you can find some relief.

Also, congrats on your success!!

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