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Hi all...

 

I have Bipolar 2- but spend a good 90% of my life depreressed.

I am actually beginning to think that even if I am not in a mood cycle that I am characteristicly/intristicly/naturally just a depressed person?

What I mean by that is I am wonderinfg if my normal/baseline type mood state is still depressed? (Yes I intend to discuss this with my psychiatrist next apt which is 2 days away) but I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this as a fact or a possibility?

 

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I have absolutely believed that about myself before, while mired in depression, because the depression warped my perception not only of the present and future, but also of the past. I was incapable of remembering a time when I felt differently or felt any kind of hope or optimism at all. That turned out to not be true, and I suspect it isn't true for most people who have depression. I do think it's a pretty common thought among those of us who have mood disorders with depressive components, though. It is so hard to separate the depression from who you see yourself as being. 

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I am not sure if it is also part of my Borderline? That my personality tends this way moreso? I seem to have chronic and overwhelming suicidal ideation which really wears me down.

I am hoping now though that my Pysch is treating me for my real MI (bipolar) and not MDD, that the depression will stop being "treatment resistant"

 

But I do hear where you're coming from hagar running

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If your mood is still under the baseline (lower then 0), you're depressed. It can depend from little bit depressed to severe. 

 

You need to tell the pdoc that you still experience symptoms of depression, even if there little.

 

Some people there mood seems to get stuck at a lower point.  Some depressions are very chronic and don't respond to medication/therapy. + Some  personality disorders cause other issues like depression and mood issues.  

 

The best is a combination of medication(s) and therapy (CBT or others).

 

Best wishes.  :) 

 

Edited by InnovatingProfessor²
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If your mood is still under the baseline (lower then 0), you're depressed. It can depend from little bit depressed to severe. 

 

You need to tell the pdoc that you still experience symptoms of depression, even if there little.

 

Some people there mood seems to get stuck at a lower point.  Some depressions are very chronic and don't respond to medication/therapy. + Some  personality disorders cause other issues like depression and mood issues.  

 

The best is a combination of medication(s) and therapy (CBT or others).

 

Best wishes.  :) 

 

Thanks heaps IP :)

You are so lovely on here. (((hugs)))

 

I am going to have more of a discussion about all of this with my psychiatrist tomorrow.

I do therapy as well as meds also. A mix of groups, general psychotheraphy with my psychiatrist (whom also does DBT with me) and I am trialing back at DBT group this Wednesday

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Personally I found 'psychotherapy with my psychiatrist' releasing the pressure of the hot boiling kettle. It works for me when I'm not too depressed or in a state off hypomania. Mostly I prefer talk therapy for depression, but I had one depression where I was not able to respond because I was so deep away. 

 

The most I have learned is from the book:  'CBT For dummies'. The book learns to cope with symptoms and can destroy the tree roots of the depression. There are even strategies mentioned to cope with psychotic symptoms. 

 

The book also indicated that 'worrying and focusing on thoughts' is key issue of depression. That's why meditation and mindfulness can recover many patients of depression (not all of course...) . With meditation techniques you can put the focus more on other things then your thoughts. Because thoughts are just a production of the mind, not statements and facts.

 

Monks that were mediating must of there life, have the same brainwaves as young children.

Personally I have read an case about investigating of focus and manipulating a lie detector. Some people where able to lie through it without any sign of a lie. (Psychopaths). But the researchers add a loud sound to it and sometimes a sound of an explosion. Now the psychopaths weren't able to pass it, but the monks pass it, perfectly... The researchers were surprised of course.. The monks there focus level was so high, they didn't give any response too the loud sound. 

Edited by InnovatingProfessor²
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Hi all...

 

I have Bipolar 2- but spend a good 90% of my life depreressed.

I am actually beginning to think that even if I am not in a mood cycle that I am characteristicly/intristicly/naturally just a depressed person?

What I mean by that is I am wonderinfg if my normal/baseline type mood state is still depressed? (Yes I intend to discuss this with my psychiatrist next apt which is 2 days away) but I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this as a fact or a possibility?

The last time I felt any optimism or hope for the future was around 2011. Since then it has been varying degrees of shit and as such I'm starting to wonder if my 'baseline' is 'moderate depression'.  Anything better than that feels like a bonus and anything worse a crisis. 

 

I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone is walking around happy all day........... but I do think most people manage to live in a state of 'OK', where their lives bumble along with normal hiccups but some good times too.  For me it feels like I have 'meh' 'shit' and 'super shit'. 

 

Then again I could just be saying that because I'm currently very depressed. I need it to end.

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depression defined me as a person for 15-20 years.

it was all that existed.

I was incapable of getting out of the house,I was suicidal with an ever changing plan

for all those years.

 

a shift occurred about two years ago.the meds started working because I quit my

long running opiate pill addiction.slowly,I started to see the world in a new way.

over time I accepted life and that I would live it and not kill myself.

 

maybe it's age,maybe it's luck,i don't know,but these days I am not suicidal

and live a quiet life.I'm so grateful that I survived.scarred,yes,mood swings,yes,but few crisis.

 

I wish you love.

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Personally I found 'psychotherapy with my psychiatrist' releasing the pressure of the hot boiling kettle. It works for me when I'm not too depressed or in a state off hypomania. Mostly I prefer talk therapy for depression, but I had one depression where I was not able to respond because I was so deep away. 

 

The most I have learned is from the book:  'CBT For dummies'. The book learns to cope with symptoms and can destroy the tree roots of the depression. There are even strategies mentioned to cope with psychotic symptoms. 

 

The book also indicated that 'worrying and focusing on thoughts' is key issue of depression. That's why meditation and mindfulness can recover many patients of depression (not all of course...) . With meditation techniques you can put the focus more on other things then your thoughts. Because thoughts are just a production of the mind, not statements and facts.

 

Monks that were mediating must of there life, have the same brainwaves as young children.

Personally I have read an case about investigating of focus and manipulating a lie detector. Some people where able to lie through it without any sign of a lie. (Psychopaths). But the researchers add a loud sound to it and sometimes a sound of an explosion. Now the psychopaths weren't able to pass it, but the monks pass it, perfectly... The researchers were surprised of course.. The monks there focus level was so high, they didn't give any response too the loud sound. 

 

Interesting to read this post. Thank you :)

 

The psychotherapy I have with my Psychiatrist is one of the BIGGEST keys to keeping me "ok" and here I think. I couldn't be without her now. Being able to talk and I am becoming much more open, is exactly how you explained it by stopping everything boiling over. She is a phenomonal doctor and I am SO grateful to have her. Her and one of the psych nurses in my treatment team from the clinic (private psych hospital) I couldn't be without. They have kept me alive. The nurse has honestly saved my life a few times.

Personally I cannot fathom or stand CBT. But I do get a LOT from DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) which also really helps me manage my BPD and has got me down to only 3 of the "symptoms" from 5 :)

Thank you for sharing more of your story and thoughts xxx

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Hi all...

 

I have Bipolar 2- but spend a good 90% of my life depreressed.

I am actually beginning to think that even if I am not in a mood cycle that I am characteristicly/intristicly/naturally just a depressed person?

What I mean by that is I am wonderinfg if my normal/baseline type mood state is still depressed? (Yes I intend to discuss this with my psychiatrist next apt which is 2 days away) but I was just wondering if anyone else experiences this as a fact or a possibility?

The last time I felt any optimism or hope for the future was around 2011. Since then it has been varying degrees of shit and as such I'm starting to wonder if my 'baseline' is 'moderate depression'.  Anything better than that feels like a bonus and anything worse a crisis. 

 

I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone is walking around happy all day........... but I do think most people manage to live in a state of 'OK', where their lives bumble along with normal hiccups but some good times too.  For me it feels like I have 'meh' 'shit' and 'super shit'. 

 

Then again I could just be saying that because I'm currently very depressed. I need it to end.

 

 

^^^ THIS. I very much relate to also. I know full well that non MI suffers have a range of emotions and also ups/downs in mood. It is natural human nature. Of course not everyone is constantly happy. But I don't. My moods are extreme and I am yet to be able to control them and 9/10ths of the time they have changed before I know it.

Big yes to meh, shit and super shit. Except I can insert a WOOOOO in there too for the very tiny times I have a pure hypomania. SO rare, I normally go into a mixed/dysphoric hypo and it is SUPER shit :/

 

I am sorry to hear you are suffering so much right now with depression :(

Cyber (((hugs)))

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depression defined me as a person for 15-20 years.

it was all that existed.

I was incapable of getting out of the house,I was suicidal with an ever changing plan

for all those years.

 

a shift occurred about two years ago.the meds started working because I quit my

long running opiate pill addiction.slowly,I started to see the world in a new way.

over time I accepted life and that I would live it and not kill myself.

 

maybe it's age,maybe it's luck,i don't know,but these days I am not suicidal

and live a quiet life.I'm so grateful that I survived.scarred,yes,mood swings,yes,but few crisis.

 

I wish you love.

I am SO SO glad to hear this change happened for you! And WELL DONE for beating the addiction. That is a brilliant acomplishment! I hope you are able to feel very proud of that! Good on you :)

It is really nice to read "I started to see the world in a new way. Over time I accepted life and that I would live it and not kill myself."

That is lovely :)

I still have a small amount of hope things will work for me at this moment. Admitedly not a great deal, but a glimmer. I don't know why the meds don't seem to work and why I seem to get such massive side effects off small doses- but hopefully now I am being medicated for Bipolar not MDD things will settle.

I wish you much love in return. Cyber (((((hugs))))) x

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I am not sure if it is also part of my Borderline? That my personality tends this way moreso? I seem to have chronic and overwhelming suicidal ideation which really wears me down.

I am hoping now though that my Pysch is treating me for my real MI (bipolar) and not MDD, that the depression will stop being "treatment resistant"

 

But I do hear where you're coming from hagar running

 

For years. At least from 1994 until 2010 I experienced practically nonstop depression and suicidal ideation. There were periods during which I made suicide attempts, but the worst periods were not marked by any attempts at all (especially 2004-2005 being particularly awful). In 2010 a friend helped me get some things under control, I started to explore what might be wrong with me, and I looked into disability benefits, and the depression comes and goes now, rather than being a constant.

 

I mean I'm not suggesting that what worked for me will work for you specifically, but rather that it is possible to come out of feeling depressed 90% of the time. I mean I'm MDD not bipolar, although my depression is atypical (which resembles the depression in bipolar). Mostly it's just seeing options and not feeling hopeless about everything made a big difference and I was able to move on from a lot of the cause of my depression.

 

Here's hoping it lets up for you. Being stuck with it all the time is really wearing. :(

Edited by Bellatrix
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Thank you Bella,

I'm sorry to hear you suffered so much for so long. But I am glad to hear it's a little better for you now x

I hope something starts working too.

I find my attempts happen when I'm more agitated/dysphoric hypo/anxious compared to when it's just lethargic, constant depression.

:( meh

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Yeah, when I'm lethargic (which is often, thank you leaden paralysis) all I can do is think about it. This is probably good given there have been times I have had potentially lethal amounts of meds only a few feet from my bed but I couldn't actually bring myself to get out of bed to take them. 

 

I don't really clearly remember what prompted me to start attempting, but what made me stop was fear of failing and ending up in the hospital. 

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Thank you Bella,

I'm sorry to hear you suffered so much for so long. But I am glad to hear it's a little better for you now x

I hope something starts working too.

I find my attempts happen when I'm more agitated/dysphoric hypo/anxious compared to when it's just lethargic, constant depression.

:( meh

 

If you have that agitation in your depression + fears, do you have the feeling like you would bump or jump on the walls in the house? I had it when I was having a mixed episode. 

 

Hold on there, I hope your meds are going to work fast! :mellow:

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I have definatly just thought i was a depressed person and it was part of my personality, i still do to on some level.

 

It's dificult to seperate yourself from the illness. I struggle with it almost daily, especially as all the antidepressants they have given me in the last few years have caused terrifying side effects that i ended up in the emergency room and i haven't been on antidepressants fully since 2010.

 

I don't really have much else to say other than keep looking for a cure, keep going to the tdoc and don't give in to depression because that's what it wants you to do.

Edited by neptunesky
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Sometimes I wonder, I mean really wonder. Just yesterday in the car I asked my ex if he could remember a time I was happy. Yesterday was the same day my therapist mentioned I seem to always be in a depressed state and my baseline is always elevated so it's never hard for me to tip over into a serious bout of depression. 

 

I've been trying to remember the last time I felt happy for more than moment or so; I can't. I can't remember the last time I wasn't depressed although my ex says he remembers a period of about a year during which I seemed happy...I'm just not sure I can see that anymore.

Edited by IsabelleStPierre
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Thank you Bella,

I'm sorry to hear you suffered so much for so long. But I am glad to hear it's a little better for you now x

I hope something starts working too.

I find my attempts happen when I'm more agitated/dysphoric hypo/anxious compared to when it's just lethargic, constant depression.

:( meh

 

If you have that agitation in your depression + fears, do you have the feeling like you would bump or jump on the walls in the house? I had it when I was having a mixed episode. 

 

Hold on there, I hope your meds are going to work fast! :mellow:

 

 

Yes. I have SO much energy I feel like I am trembling on the inside? It is such an odd sensation. *shudders just thinking about it*

It's nuts. I want the meds to kick in too :(

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