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I've been relatively stable now for a few weeks (hallelujiah) but just a few days ago I started to feel that niggling sensation in the back of my brain...

I'm wondering if anyone can feel it coming on as well?

When you slowly start draining of energy and motivation, and everything in the back of your mind starts subtly turning negative, and the guilt settles in over the disconnection between you and your loved ones and it just sends you deeper into it until you're stuck in the pit and you just have to wait it out. (sorry for the run-on fragmented sentence... I'm having trouble keeping my thoughts together)

 

Today I turned insanely irritable and I'm so exhausted that I feel like faking sick just so I can go home and tuck myself into bed until tomorrow morning comes.  I look around at the work presented to me (both at home and at my workplace) and I just want to run away from it- its all just so fucking overwhelming.

I basically have to force myself into functioning semi normally so that my kids and my home get taken care of (which of course, only serves to drive me deeper into the pit because it all feels so fake)

 

Can anyone else feel it coming on?  Is it the same for you or does it feel different?

Just curious

-Mary

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I feel depression coming on for sure. For me it is very similar to what you have described. I just start feeling irritable about everything without a solid reason and lose motivation to do even the most basic things.

I try to make myself keep up with things but it doesn't always work. But I feel that being able to recognize an episode coming on does at least in a way help me to prepare myself. So now instead of being in a full blown depression for weeks before making the connection that 'hey, I'm depressed I should do something about this', I can at least try to head it off with eating healthier, being more active, a med adjustment, ect.

I can't say that it always works 100%, it doesn't, but at least I get to feel as though I have a little control over it even if it is minimal.

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For me it depends. Sometimes I can feel the depression coming on, other times it hits me from out of no where (usually there is a trigger, but once the trigger happens it's all downhill from there). My last major bout came on over a week or so and I knew ahead of time I was most likely going to end up inpatient again, or at least a part of me believed this as I kept a bag packed, just in case.

 

I also have PTSD and frequently when I've had a flashback, I have an instant panic attack and this often triggers a bout of depression that sometimes lasts for a brief period or goes on for months. The bouts come on too fast for me to prepare for them and also frequently I become impulsive and tend to do stupid things.

 

So for me at least, it depends...

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Sometimes it creeps up on me, and sometimes when I'm snarling at my husband and having trouble being patient with the members here, I realize what's going on.  Since I don't want to take a higher dose of my antidepressant, I do the following things:

1)  If I've been socially drinking a bit too much, I cut out the alcohol totally.  For whatever reason, alcohol can get me sliding into the Black Pit.

2)  I work hard to regulate my sleep patterns---going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting up at a reasonable hour.  I resist the temptation to nap.  Escaping into sleep only makes things worse for me.

3)  I make sure I'm getting my daily exercise.  Right now I have a bum knee so I can't do anything, but most days I take a 30-50 minute walk, plus do physical work around my property.  Exercise is really important.

4)  If it's fall or winter, I make sure I'm taking enough Vitamin D.  If it's spring or summer, I make sure I get at LEAST 15-30 minutes outdoors in the sun every day.

5)  I work hard to eat balanced meals, so diet isn't usually an issue for me.  Make sure you aren't eating too much refined sugar and flour.

 

I have no idea if you see a therapist, but it might be good to talk to her and nip this in the bud.  Also, if a psychiatrist prescribes your psych meds, it might be time for a tweak.

 

olga

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I get some warning signs...but sometimes I ignore them and hope that it will go away on its own. This method usually doesn't work. Lately I've been having some of those warning signs and I'm trying to do something about it. I guess I have to wait and see. These signs generally come out of nowhere for no reason.

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Mostly the signs leave me feeling let down and helpless.

Its around about the second day of progressive signs that my exercise and diet go out the window and I'm sleeping more than I should be- too tired to shower or brush my teeth, too unmotivated to do anything about my home.

For me the white starches seem to make things so much worse, Olga.

 

5)  I work hard to eat balanced meals, so diet isn't usually an issue for me.  Make sure you aren't eating too much refined sugar and flour.

 

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Mostly the signs leave me feeling let down and helpless.

Its around about the second day of progressive signs that my exercise and diet go out the window and I'm sleeping more than I should be- too tired to shower or brush my teeth, too unmotivated to do anything about my home.

For me the white starches seem to make things so much worse, Olga.

 

5)  I work hard to eat balanced meals, so diet isn't usually an issue for me.  Make sure you aren't eating too much refined sugar and flour.

 

 

Oh, boy---do I get that!  When I'm in the pit, all I want to eat is big bowls of pasta, hunks of bread, and mountains of sweets.  You have my sincere sympathy.

 

Can you maybe get outside for a little fresh air?  I know it's not a cure, but oxygen and sunshine are definitely good for you.

 

olga

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Can you maybe get outside for a little fresh air?  I know it's not a cure, but oxygen and sunshine are definitely good for you.

 

olga

 

Not safely for the next few days.  Another winter storm on the way with subzero temps and lots of snow.

I can't wait until spring- I'm going to LIVE outside.

 

 

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I notice it after it starts coming on. Mostly the first sign is anhedonia, and nothing I do is really enjoyable. So I try to find things that take minimal effort and attention (like watching TV). Other stuff follows - loss of energy and motivation, and suicidal ideation. When it hits its apex, I basically spend as much time as possible in bed and think about suicide until I can interrupt the process or it ends. It can last for months at a time, though. Since I started therapy and zoloft a few years ago, the longest has been one month, and fewer episodes triggered by essentially nothing - triggered instead by potential crises.

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I get sort of apathetic and can't get myself moving. I have been trying to paint my house for weeks but I keep getting stuck. I guess I should be glad it's not worse than it is at the moment but I really need to get this stuff done and I just don't feel like it.

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Mary, your posts sound just like something I could've written. I get so worn out "keeping up appearances" just to get through the day and by the time I'm done with the things that are "expected" of me, I don't have anything left to give - and certainly not to myself. I can often feel it starting to build, starting with being irritable & easily frustrated, and no matter what I do, eventually I end up feeling like a zombie, stuck with no progress but trying to shuffle forward just to avoid fucking up everyone else's lives as badly as I've fucked up mine.

Not sure where you live but we are dreaming with brutal cold here too in the northeastern US & it just makes it so hard to get up & out the door. I hate the cold, the dark, the damp, and it just makes everything so much worse.

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Sometimes there are early warning signs which I am insightful enough of to be aware of and sometimes it seems to come on all of a sudden - often with lots of little triggers contributing and building up. It's easy enough to ignore just another little trigger when in actual fact each one is significant and adds up. That's often when I don't see it coming. (When a big trigger occurs I can cotton on much more easily.)

 

It actually helps making an early warning sign chart to monitor symptoms and nip any episodes in the bud.

 

If you're interested in exploring this more click on the PLAN tab after signing up for and logging into this mood tracker:

https://www.optimismonline.com

 

It's got a great resource for planning you response to your early warning signs.

 

Also check out my post at: http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/68763-early-warning-signs-from-finding-optimism-mood-tracker/

Edited by nightbutterfly
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The trick is to recognise the subtle changes and respond.The first sign for me is that I really start to crave cigarettes and then I start to become intolerant of people and a bit like a bear with a sore head. I don't really know why but I develop a really persistent and strong desire to smoke tobacco. Sometimes I do and it helps my mood a little. Sometimes I do and it makes me feel worse.

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Mine happens a lot like Elizabeth Wurtzel wrote in Prozac Nation, that is gradually then suddenly.

 

I start to feel bad, it invades my dreams and my waking thoughts and then all of a sudden i just can not cope with anything. It is difficult to predict when the process will actually happen though.

Edited by neptunesky
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EXACTLY. Gradually then suddenly.

 

Mine happens a lot like Elizabeth Wurtzel wrote in Prozac Nation, that is gradually then suddenly.

 

I start to feel bad, it invades my dreams and my waking thoughts and then all of a sudden i just can not cope with anything. It is difficult to predict when the process will actually happen though.

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Yes, although for awhile I was convinced it was all in my head. Infact I think even now I refuse to accept I can feel it coming on, until it happens and I look back. It's always the same. I forget to eat, irritated at the slightest thing, too difficult to get up in the morning, but too hard to sleep at night. I 'want my mummy' feeling. Feeling anxious and paranoid... it takes me 4 hours plus to get showered dressed and put something on my face. I know it's getting bad when the thought of leaving the house without makeup makes me more nervous than grocery shopping.

Then mess makes me hurt myself. I'm OCD about the house but I cancope with glasses or something on the floor (via hubby) normally, but not if my mood is taking a dive. I get panic attacks when it starts to peak, really bad attacks.

Edited by Paperskyscraper
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Feeling sorry for myself + overwhelmed by the smallest things + avoiding people (x) negative thoughts about Everything ÷ an unhealthy dose of anxiety = the edge of the pit is very very near.  This I take seriously.

 

Being hypomanic is also a pretty good clue that the inevitable crash is coming soon, but this one  I unfortunately chose to ignore.  Usually because I'm in denial that i am hypomanic until it is too late.

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  • 1 month later...

I can definitely feel depression coming on, but sometimes it just hits me out of the blue, and all of a sudden I realize I am depressed.  I can pretty much predict it to happen when I am hypo/manic because eventually I'll crash, and when I crash I almost always go through a depression.

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