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Suicidal ideation due to anxiety (possible triggers)


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I am being driven to thoughts of suicide, not because I'm depressed, but because of such intense anxiety and fear that I can't take it anymore. Death would be preferable. I am scared out of my wits. There are things in my life that I can't face. Talking about it will not help or make it go away. I've tried every cognitive trick in the book and tried out all my coping skills that I learned in therapy, but nothing helps. Somehow I have to face it. This I cannot do.

 

Meds don't really help ... they just sedate me and make it easy for me to avoid the things that I have to face. I don't know what to do.

I'm not in any danger … I'm really just toying with the idea – no plan or nothing like that.

Has anyone heard of considering suicide because of anxiety?

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Hey, jt,

Yes, unfortunately, I have considered suicide due to extreme anxiety. I felt I couldn't take the terror anymore. For anyone who says depression is worse than anxiety, I have to question how anxious they've been. Anxiety can be chillingly terrifying. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I couldn't tell from your post if your anxiety is specific or generalized. I wish I had some advice, but it sounds like you've tried everything. I recommend you call your pdoc, see if you can get some "emergency" anxiolytics, and also remember that this WILL pass. You will not feel this horror forever. You gotta just wait it out. You can do this.

Edited by malachite
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Yes, it's taken a long time to realize that I have similar experiences with anxiety as you described. I recently got a new pdoc and she said that she thinks the anxiety seems to contribute as much, if not more than the depression, to the kind of suicidal ideation experiences I described. I'm sorry I don't really have anything helpful to add since it sounds like you've already tried even more things than I have. Just wanted to say that yes, I also feel similarly.

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 Honestly, I'd rather be dead than face them.

 

I totally get this.

 

I also really relate to the idea that it might be easier to be dead than find effective relief from anxiety. I used to feel incredibly tormented every day.

 

I'm REALLY glad I'm not dead, and I'm also really glad I don't have that level of anxiety anymore.

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Oh my.  Death would be better than going to Walmart in most cases.  They talk of job training and I can't even get through the application.  I am sometimes afraid to go to the laundry room, take out the trash.  I hide when someone knocks on the door, except when I know it is verizon, in which case I scream explicatives until they go away.  I wish you well, it comes and goes for me.

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For panic/anxiety sufferers i can only talk of my experience. And mine definitely had me at wits end contemplating suicide. For me the epiphany arose after i had maxed out my credit cards on trips to the ER and urgent care and countless doctor visits and tests....all of which came up with general results - not what i was expecting. To that end i felt lost...i felt my mind had broke and there was no end or relief for this problem. No end to my heart beating hard and fast in the middle of the night or having my blood pressure spike too high or have to deal with chest pains and back pains and head pressure...

And this is merely work in progress but it wasnt until the 20th or so doctor who told me there is nothing more they can do for me and i should seek help with a mental health provider when i finally began to come to terms with this hellish nonsense.

Presently i m being treated with prozac and klonopin to ease its progression into my system. I have to Admit it seems to be working so fAr but i cant stress enough how sometimes the first step is believing its in your head. Thats the hardest thing to do when its anxiety or panic...

maybe thats what you need to do, too....do your medical screenings and then finally accept that it is your mind. Im still struggling with that and i hate the idea of having to be on meds the rest of my life to keep this demon away, but when time catches up with you theres nothing you can do about it. You have to make the best of it you can.

Oh and please find relief from your panic/gad. I know they say attacks wont kill you, but they do stress out your heart and circulatory systems and can lead to heart diseAse, so the sooner you nip it in the bud the better off you will be.

Keep fighting the good fight.

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Oh my.  Death would be better than going to Walmart in most cases.

This, basically. 

 

When I'm really anxious about any situation or some looming matter that I have to deal with, no matter how small and silly, my first thought is always that I should just kill myself instead. 

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yes, definitely I can relate. I think I feel anxiety more acutely than depression, and it's always what brings on the SI urges for me, and at times suicidal urges. Sometimes it feels like I want to jump out of my skin. I am sorry you are suffering with this. I think probably most of us has been there to some degree or another. Is there someone in your life who, in some small way, can help you come to terms with whatever you have to face or break it down into more manageable aspects? Or can you blog about part of it here, to maybe get some feedback or encouragement? Obviously I don't know what the situation is, but it worries me that you are talking about it in such absolute terms, because that is when I find the suicidality creeps in.

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When I'm really anxious about any situation or some looming matter that I have to deal with, no matter how small and silly, my first thought is always that I should just kill myself instead. 

 

This. ^

 

The one attempt I actually made was due to depression, but I've been tools in hand close far more times from anxiety. It was anxiety, I'm positive, that caused me to go into full blown psychosis and believe I had died.

 

I have a crappy history of dealing with this, so I don't really feel qualified to give you any advice. The only thing that has helped me that isn't crappy is to think of other times when I've had to do things I really, really didn't want to, and times it turned out in the end that I was capable, after all.

 

Thinking of you.

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When I'm really anxious about any situation or some looming matter that I have to deal with, no matter how small and silly, my first thought is always that I should just kill myself instead. 

 

...and this is exactly the same default thought that I have a VERY hard time admitting to others.

 

I mean, it was very hard and took a very long time before I could even acknowledge this specific phenomena to myself at any time other than when it was actually the active dominant thought of the moment.  I have yet to actually 'fess up to this one to any docs, which I know is a problem.  I've finally just started with a new pdoc who I already feel more comfortable with than any past docs I've seen.  And she's supposed to place me with a new tdoc sometime in the next couple weeks.  So I've been trying to psych myself up to just disclose some of the hardest stuff right away because years of nibbling around the edges has proven ineffective and just way too slow.

 

I hope anyone else who feels distressed about a similar "death spiral" thought process has or finds someone they can talk to about those feelings.

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