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Another trip on the rollercoaster


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I feel so embarrassed. I posted in early December asking if anyone had ever experienced remission from bipolar. I had had a meds change and I was stable for the first time in years. I was so hopeful that it would be the time my meds finally worked. Well, after five great weeks, I got the rug pulled out from under me. I fell head first into a pit of serious depression. I think I am finally starting to get that under control, but I can't shake the feeling that I made a complete ass of myself when I was stable. My pdoc, tdoc, and husband all told me it wouldn't last but I wouldn't listen. Ugh. It's hard not to feel depressed about being bipolar when it feels like the ups and downs never end.

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I am sorry you are feeling so bad. People do go into long term remission though all the time. You did not act like an ass. What makes you think you did? Feeling good and stable does not mean you are an ass. Don't give up! Did you get a med tweak to get you back to stable? Sometimes all we need is a tweak to make things ok again. I hope you feel better soon.

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Thanks for your encouragement. I feel like I just ignored everything everyone said and falsely believed it was going to be ok even though everyone around me knew better. I did just get a med tweak, but so far it hasn't returned me to my happy place again. I am really frustrated because I have been on the med go round for ten years and nothing has given me any long term stability. 

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Don't be embarrassed (especially not here). That is how bipolar rolls, unfortunately. When I'm stable, I can feel so far removed from what the experience of mania/depression was like that my brain sort of downplays it. Until it inevitably happens again.

 

I'm sorry you had an episode, but I'm glad it's starting to come under control. 

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Out of curiosity why did they say it wouldn't last? That doesn't strike me as very supportive.

Most people here understand the complexities of managing the inherant ups and downs of bipolar so you won't be judged badly for having an episode.

What tools have you used in the past that have helped you recover from a depressive episode?

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Some people have a remission for a few years and others for a few weeks and some don't return too normal state again (and are switching chronically).

 

Best wishes and hope you'll get out of that horrible depression. :)  What for me tackle the tree root of the depression was a book CBT and talktherapy. Because sometimes my meds weren't changed but I still got a depression... I found talk therapy and CBT very useful for this. 

Edited by InnovatingProfessor²
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My tdoc, pdoc and husband thought I was having a hypnotic episode because I felt really good, but I kept trying to explain to them that I was fine, that I wasn't TOO happy. I didn't think they were being very supportive either. I think that is part of what made falling into depression so miserable. It was like they said I told you so, and then it happened.

 

I do DBT and a DBT skills group in addition to all the medications, but unfortunately I don't find DBT  very helpful when I am really depressed. If I am having trouble simply eating and showering, I can rarely muster the energy to do things to make myself feel better a la DBT .

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