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Mixed Episode- Depressed But Wanting To Do Crazy Shit


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I'm in a mixed state, and my depression the past three or so days has been really bad but lately I've been wanting to do some crazy fucked up shit cause I'm feeling apathetic and suicidal I guess? Like, eh fuck it.
That sort of mood.

 

The things I've been thinking about include drug use, self harm, ruining my relationships by being a bitch, stealing things, not going to work, unsafe sex with strangers, extreme out of character sort of things really.

 

I mean, to put in perspective how crazy that is- I've never used illegal or recreational drugs and I've never stolen, and I've only ever had one sexual partner who I am still with.

 

This state of depressed apathy sort of coinciding with these ideas of 'if it doesnt kill me so the fuck what' and if it does kill me- so the fuck what. I'm feeling really snappy and edgy and teary eyed.

 

So I dunno. Tomorrow I'm talking about it with my case manager but like. Fuck. It's ruining my life having these thoughts and feelings. They don't feel like my own.

 

Any suggestions on how to cope or deal or drown these thoughts out? Maybe safer alternatives to let the feelings out?
 

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I hope talking with your case manager helped.

 

Try to replace each of those thoughts with a healthier/"blander" thought.  When you think about stealing, for example, try watching tv instead.  Basically just thought replacement.  I'm making it sound easy and its not.  Have a list of things you can do instead of the harmful things you're thinking about.  Go for a walk, take a nap, listen to music.

 

Do you see a therapist?  They can help you with ways to replace your unhealthy thoughts.

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