So, i have more than a year excerzicing, i lost in the beginning like 10 kilos or more.
But this past months ive loosing my motivation ans starting gaining belly fat, in part due to my anxious eating i accept it.
Right now im always tortured by the fact that im getting more fat againg even if people around me say that no, im convinced i am, also if i dont feel the nergy to exercise one day or i cant exercise for whaterver reason that day i feel like crap, obssesed about the fact that i didnt exercise and that im going to get even more fat.
Its hell, also it mixes whit the fact that im quitting smoking and i have other obsessions and also depression.
Im feeling very bad, i feel whitout energy and motivation, the girl i was going out decided that i was so "good" for her that she changed me for a 13 years older guy.
I wish i could be in a country where i can acces more different drugs for my treatment but in this God forgotten country south to the USA they dont give you new medications or alternative treatments.
I really need help.
I currently take a combination of Lamictal (150 mg) and Depakote ER (500 mg) to treat Bipolar II Disorder. The other meds I take (in my sig.) I have been on for years. This recent combination helps me stay stable and has allowed me to feel the best I've ever felt since starting medication in 2009.
The problem: when I exercise, it seems my body can't regulate itself; I get extremely overheated and dehydrated, dizzy, lightheaded, nauseas, and shakey.
I have been on many psych meds known to cause these issues (Seroquel XR, Zyprexa, stimulants, etc.) and have never experienced this while working out. Does anybody take a combo of Lamaictal and Depakote, or either of these meds by themselves (or even another AED mood stabilizer) and experience these kinds of effects during physical exertion? Its really, really bothersome and interferes with my overall health, but I'm nervous to discontinue either med, as I feel like their synergy has brought me to stable levels and I'm afraid of relapse. My doctor knows about the side effect, and said to drink plenty of water...no such luck. Any ideas or input?
Ok , so as all of you know, weight can suck.. either you lose too much or you gain too much.. it blows.
I increased my Prozac and noticed the weight was going up each week. so i lowered it a few weeks ago.. i no longer am gaining weight, maybe it's because i have more energy.
anyway.. i have been working out and dieting now, my anxiety with that is.. i have a fear of fainting, so i am always worried i am not eating enough and then my mind races like OMG EAT SOMETHING YOU ARE GOING TO FAINT!! i can't tell if it's anxiety or if i really am hungry?i have been eating under 1350 calories a day and going on fast walks everyday. but if every time i panic and eat.. there goes the whole trying to diet? BOOO
has anyone ever felt like this? i was 141 last sunday i am now 137 today. so we will see if the pounds keep coming off *crosses fingers*
My mood was a bit down this week, so I figured I will write about some more adventures.
Bowling and showers - an evening with A. and R (11/04/15)
So, the day after the party I went to A. and R. They are a couple that I have known for two years. We met via Internet, and met in person in a swingers club. We got a pretty good connection, and I slowely became good friends with A. We text often.
A. is currenly IP in a clinic for personality disorders, and will be for a year. In the weekends she can go home, but from Monday-Friday she has to be in the clinic. A. has been diagnosed with BPD too. We can relate to eachother's stories and feelings, but are also pretty different.
Being IP is not easy for her. She was really scared of going in there and it took some time before she had made her decision. I am really proud that she is doing it, though. I told her she will benefit from this for the rest of her life. She's only 20 or 21 now, so I think it's great that she started so early with working really hard on herself, and have time to figure things out.
So, two weeks ago I went to their place to hang out. I am there every few months. We usually watch tv, relax, play with the cats, have dinner, have a bath, just home-y things. But we also go to the cinema, the shops, exercise, etc. It's mostly A. and I, and R. just goes a bit with it.
Because she's having a lot of stress, the original plan was that we were going to the sauna. That didn't work out, so we figured something else out.
I brought them tulips and grapes, and we had a special handmade pizza. I had one with salmon, red onion, mozarella and green peppers and it was delicious, and very filling. After that A. and I cuddled in her bed because she often tells me that she likes to do that with me, that it calms her down. And I love cuddling. I love her smell and she's so soft.
After that, we dressed up and went bowling.
Me, bowling, in one of my favorite dresses. I have pictures of A. too but not sure if she's cool with that, so nope.
First, R. didn't feel like going but we convinced him. Turned out he was pretty good and he was very happy, haha.
Everytime someone had a strike, they got a kiss. It was kind of a strange situation, because I kissed both of them first but later I just sticked to A. It was not making out or anything, just a victory peck on the lips. I started to realize how hard this must be for poly couples... and I mean, I'm just A.'s ''special friend'' and we just happen to have this sort of thing... It does make you think about societal expectations and norms. I mean, we were not alone, of course. I felt very happy to be with them but later R. said something about it and I thought - yeah... maybe not do that again the next time. Although it feels good and natural. Maybe stick to that at home.
Aftter bowling, we relaxed and decided to take a shower. A. and I joined R., and R. and I started to make out. A. said that she didn't want to, it didn't feel right with everything going on. Just a lot of stress, and all the stuff with her MI and being IP... It was the first time in two years that we didn't have sex, we always did that and it was always something we all looked forward to.
But she didn't want to, so I asked her what she did want instead. She said she wanted to cuddle in bed with the two of us, so we did. I asked if kissing was fine, and it was. So we just cuddled with the three of us, in bed, and it was really nice.
Of course it was not easy for me, with my sex dependency and all that. But enthousiastic consent is all that matters.
After that we went to sleep and I lended her my vibrator. R. actually bought her the same vibrator that I have because I used to bring it with me and she always wanted to play with it, haha. But her vibrator is broke, for some reason. She said that she would use it - she does like the masturbate now, just no sex with other people.
In the morning, we had breakfast with mini buns and croissants and grapes. A. wanted to go to the shops with me, but I decided I needed to get home because I wanted to work on my presentation.
I am very happy with what I have with A. and R. I think they will break up at some point and this thing we have will be gone, but I will remain her friend. I will be grateful for my experiences with them. I feel priveliged that I have had the opportunity to experience this.
I send A. a card two weeks ago, saying ''I love being very close to you'', with two sheep cuddling. Because we are two sheep. Crazy, girly and cuddly sheep.