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Recovery from Anorexia, but it still lingers?


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When I first became anorexic, at 11 (I am now 18) I was severely underweight and exercising on my family's elliptical until I thought I'd faint. I had a brief period of relief from my eating disorder ages 13-14, when I was instead severely depressed and suicidal. My last bout of anorexia lasted from july 2011 to may 2012 (age 16). Short, but intense. Was not eating, chain smoking, hair was falling out way too easily and in excess. I developed these flat spots around my legs in which I attribute to the restriction of food. I knew my parents would not help me if I came to them about this, since boys "aren't supposed" to get eating disorders and that it would be to expensive to treat. So I struggled and struggled and slowly started to eat normally. I went from 100-103 pounds to 135 pounds in about a year and a half. I eat pretty normal now, even pig out sometimes. But I still struggle internally with it. I still check calories. I still check fat. I still check sugar content. I never skip a meal but I still think I'm fat now. In a way, my anxiety is stopping me from starving myself (which is a whole different story). I still have self esteem problems. I am too ashamed to become intimate with anyone. Does anyone struggle with this even after recovery (or I guess you could say recovering)? I think I should get a therapist or counselor for this, because I have never been treated for it. But I know it would be hard to since my dad absolutely hates spending money on my healthcare. It took so much begging to take me to a psychiatrist, and even then that is becoming a failure because of the cost. Though with the meds I'm on, I feel pretty stable. I think this is the last thing I need to take care of, something so deeply seeded inside me that I usually brush it off as something that "everyone thinks about" but unfortunately it's not. I'm not sure where I went with all of this, but if you can give me some advice or personal experiences then that would be great.

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Welcome! I also agree that a therapist psych combination would be ideal for your situation.  EDs are no joke and can carry serious physical health risks as side effects.  Your father should be aware that treating the root of this problem could save you from heart failure at an early age and other problems just as bad as that.

My parents always thought that my ED was an attention ploy- so I get where you're coming from.

As a new adult perhaps you should take some of this into your own hands and apply for medical assistance so you can get the help you feel you deserve without having to worry about your father.

Good luck- hang in there and don't give up hope!

-Mary

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My parents used to just dismiss my ed on the whole, they were slightly concerned for my health, but i really think they just thought that eating disorder happened to other girls and mine was just a fad, even though they sat with me while i was diagnosed. They also think it ended 3 years before it did, and i still struggle now. They are also in denial over my sisters Anorexia, her bmi was 13 and they just thought that was natural for her.

 

You have to put yourself first and i'm glad you are positive about wanting to recover, i remember never wanting to recover and i certainly would not have talked about it to a therapist.

Is there an eating disorder helpline you can ring?, they might have some helpful information about support where you live. Or you could try googling 'eating disorder treatment' and put your area in as well.

 

Good luck.

Edited by neptunesky
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  • 1 year later...

I'm pretty much recovered from my eating disorder now. It lingered around the ages of 12 - 15 (I'm 16 now) however I still fall into the same cycle sometimes. I still find myself purging, restricting calories and weighing myself occasionally. The problem with eating disorders is that they're hard to completely get rid of. I find opening up to someone you trust really helps whether it's a friend or family member or therapist just let them know how you're doing. I tell my therapist about what goes on - I even keep a little diary of my ED habits. All these things you are experiencing are all ED habits like anyone who has recovered or is recovering from an ED. They take a while to shake off and let go of since it takes time, but you will get there I promise. Good luck. I hope everything goes well with your recovery, you're already doing so well :) 

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I'm pretty much recovered from my eating disorder now. It lingered around the ages of 12 - 15 (I'm 16 now) however I still fall into the same cycle sometimes. I still find myself purging, restricting calories and weighing myself occasionally. The problem with eating disorders is that they're hard to completely get rid of. I find opening up to someone you trust really helps whether it's a friend or family member or therapist just let them know how you're doing. I tell my therapist about what goes on - I even keep a little diary of my ED habits. All these things you are experiencing are all ED habits like anyone who has recovered or is recovering from an ED. They take a while to shake off and let go of since it takes time, but you will get there I promise. Good luck. I hope everything goes well with your recovery, you're already doing so well :) 

In bold ... always have hope.  Mine is gone after having it for 20 years.  Have been without the ED since 2008 or so.  I never thought I'd ever get to this point.  But I did.

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I'm pretty much recovered from my eating disorder now. It lingered around the ages of 12 - 15 (I'm 16 now) however I still fall into the same cycle sometimes. I still find myself purging, restricting calories and weighing myself occasionally. The problem with eating disorders is that they're hard to completely get rid of. I find opening up to someone you trust really helps whether it's a friend or family member or therapist just let them know how you're doing. I tell my therapist about what goes on - I even keep a little diary of my ED habits. All these things you are experiencing are all ED habits like anyone who has recovered or is recovering from an ED. They take a while to shake off and let go of since it takes time, but you will get there I promise. Good luck. I hope everything goes well with your recovery, you're already doing so well :) 

In bold ... always have hope.  Mine is gone after having it for 20 years.  Have been without the ED since 2008 or so.  I never thought I'd ever get to this point.  But I did.

I'm so happy for you that you have recovered. I'll get there one day.. I'm so close already <3

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