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No doc needed just some tips and advice


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Okay in 05 when I went thru my psychotic break.....My theme was the "world was ending". Okay I was locked in a jail cell with no advocate because i wouldn't talk......Every word that anybody said I thought they where talking about me....Like I had ultra hearing......To think OMG there really is a God and we have been left behind was traumatizing and it didn't even comfort me knowing others where too. So since I believed that God had stripped the Holy Ghost from the world. That the weak where tormented and tortured than put to death.....Lets just say that it wasn't a pretty death either...This went on for two months......A delusional fear that at any moment I was going to die in that jail. I get out and everything seemed like the future.....A reality only you would find in a sci fi movie or dream but I was living it.....

 

 

 

 

They took me to IP where I stayed two weeks because I was mad that I kept getting locked up and I felt like all the walls where closing in on me.....The TV would not shut up.......Cannibals where my theme.....I often felt like I was possessed with a demon or that someone cast a spell on me......When the abilify started to work.....I notice that when my step dad care giver daughter said I wasn't going to die and go to hell. I kinda snapped out of it......It took several weeks just to just process everything I had just gone thru.

 

 

 

 

My dreams where never the same. Even tho there nothing like they are now they where still very lucid and involved death by something or running in terror. So I start getting back into the drugs...My ex broke up with me which that really made me snap out of it.....and I just started to repeat the very destructive behavior that caused the psychotic break......I stopped the abilify...I hated the idea that I needed a med but ironically I didn't care that I wanted to smoke meth....UGH.....

 

 

 

Soabout a year later I started getting thought broadcasting and thought everything was connected. I still didn't know I went thru a psychotic episode......I get saved and it was just like God pushed all those demons that where tormenting me away.....My dreams where good and I loved to sleep....I woke up refreshed and happy that I didn't die and the whole time I was convinced that it was the devil that attacked me and made me go thru the psychosis......So I feel this tug to minister and for the first time in my life I felt like I had a purpose and people swear to it today that I was better than then I am now......

 

 

 

 

Okay for two years I kept asking God to rejoin me a my ex together cause I loved her and wanted to be with her....I never stalked or called. Just trusted God and worked everyday trying to be a better person......After two years I gave up and there very day i let my gaurd down I got it with the POCD (pedophilia OCD) after church.......That lasted two months of non stop obsessing whether I like kids until my theme changed into i was dead and at God's Judgment......It was like the whole salvation thing went out the window because I thought well it's to late and now at any moment I'm going to be sent to hell......Well it's been six years since 08 and I really don't obsess on it anymore but I have dreams wherelike this morning I dreamed that I was in a coma and I noticed everything was a bit off and I felt trapped like I had lost the chance to go to heaven and was only left with the impending doom of hell.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now all this stem's from not getting treatment when I needed it I know that.....But for the Love of God don't tell me that I don't have PTSD......At least if I had that dx i would work together with my doctor on trying to overcome it......I love my doc I really do....But you have to understand that what I went thru did traumatize me or i wouldn't be on these forums.......What is a dx going to do for me.......It's going to allow myself to push myself into area's that are specialized in it.....

 

 

 

 

The dreams are so anxiety provoking and I'm tired of dreaming......I'm tired of dreading sleep and I wish I just had my fantasy dream life back but, I need to just accept this is my lot in life and deal with it the best I can.

 

 

 

Sorry for the venting....

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Have you tried asking your pdoc for ways to get rid of the nightmares?
In my experience the nightmares only decreased as I work to resolve the trauma. Which is what you have your tdoc for, no? Maybe your tdoc can help you resolve the nightmares?

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Have you tried asking your pdoc for ways to get rid of the nightmares?

In my experience the nightmares only decreased as I work to resolve the trauma. Which is what you have your tdoc for, no? Maybe your tdoc can help you resolve the nightmares?

When I talk to my pdoc I'm going to insist he needs to take in the possibility that I have PTSD......I'm also going to see if i can get a referral for a tdoc.....And this is going to be the issue that is going to be addressed.

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Its tough because if you are abusing substances or are in the middle of psychosis, which often you have been, it;s impossible to do any trauma recovery work on and any meaningful basis. To work through what happened and process it, you need a degree of stability and calmness, and my perception of seeing you over several years is that often you will ditch your meds or turn to religion, get episodic again, need treatment and cycle starts over again. I have no doubt that what you have gone through has bene traumatic and that you deserve help for it, but trauma is not just another symptom to be medicated, it need sa long term investment of your time and energy. And for that, you need to have some stability.

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I have abstained from abusing medication and other substances for a few months now.....My faith is always going to be with me or more than half this world is crazy for believing that God can be a rock when you are hurting....I know what you mean about religion. I'm just saying that you guys can see the change in me if you look.......I was just hoping that the dreams where medication or something external but now I believe that they are apart of the trauma I went thru....I know I need a tdoc that's for sure......To get to the root of the problem..........Winterrosie or anyone else.....what medication have you used and how has therapy helped you?

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I hope I can say this in a way you won't take personally.

 

You can experience a traumatic event, and feel the effects of it, and NOT have PTSD. PTSD is a specific set of criteria which you apply if someone has long term, intensive difficulties functioning after a trauma. An those difficulties are NOT the linked to an other existing mental illness. Many people have a trauma (a car crash, an assault) and they do struggle with their existing poor mental health, or even don;t have any mental health diagnoses but need time to mentally recover. But that is not the same at PTSD.

 

I can't say if you do have PTSD, even if you do, we don't have your medical notes or history and we cannot give you any real recommendations because your issues are unique. There are some pinned topics and threads about the first steps people with PTSD go through to get help. But your pdoc will be able to assess you and if you do have PTSD, get you help.

 

Saying you don't have PTSD is not minimizing the trauma you went through, but not everyone who suffers trauma qualifies for PTSD. Trauma does not = PTSD. Your time in jail could trigger PTSD, but then again, it may have been a painful time that you need to talk to someone about and that would suffice, it hasn't given you a whole other mental illness. Furthermore the kinds of experiences that bug you are symptoms of other mental health problems and could very well be psychotic or linked to your existing known mental health problems.

 

I say this kindly, because I am suffering with PTSD like symptoms but I have not been diagnosed yet and may not be, with PTSD. You have made a pretty big assumption that this is your problem when you don't know a lot about it or have any objective way of knowing. And many members here do have PTSD which cripples them on a daily basis and it can be difficult for them to see PTSD thrown around so casually.

Edited by Titania
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I hope I can say this in a way you won't take personally.

 

You can experience a traumatic event, and feel the effects of it, and NOT have PTSD. PTSD is a specific set of criteria which you apply if someone has long term, intensive difficulties functioning after a trauma. An those difficulties are NOT the linked to an other existing mental illness. Many people have a trauma (a car crash, an assault) and they do struggle with their existing poor mental health, or even don;t have any mental health diagnoses but need time to mentally recover. But that is not the same at PTSD.

 

I can't say if you do have PTSD, even if you do, we don't have your medical notes or history and we cannot give you any real recommendations because your issues are unique. There are some pinned topics and threads about the first steps people with PTSD go through to get help. But your pdoc will be able to assess you and if you do have PTSD, get you help.

 

Saying you don't have PTSD is not minimizing the trauma you went through, but not everyone who suffers trauma qualifies for PTSD. Trauma does not = PTSD. Your time in jail could trigger PTSD, but then again, it may have been a painful time that you need to talk to someone about and that would suffice, it hasn't given you a whole other mental illness. Furthermore the kinds of experiences that bug you are symptoms of other mental health problems and could very well be psychotic or linked to your existing known mental health problems.

 

I say this kindly, because I am suffering with PTSD like symptoms but I have not been diagnosed yet and may not be, with PTSD. You have made a pretty big assumption that this is your problem when you don't know a lot about it or have any objective way of knowing. And many members here do have PTSD which cripples them on a daily basis and it can be difficult for them to see PTSD thrown around so casually.

I'm sorry Titania. I didn't mean to come off as taking it personally.....I would love to know that I do not suffer from it...And, tho I haven't given a proper team the time to assess me and see if I have it, well I am just assuming.......These forums are meant for the sick we know that we all are......I'm just tired of wishing I knew why these dreams occur and get to the root of the problem.........I didn't really have a bad dream this night/morning so I guess talking it out on here was positive....

 

 

 

 

Further I just want peace.....We all need and deserve that.....I hope I can get thru this hurdle and focus on real problems like school and how I'm going to pay for a apartment.

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You do deserve peace and to figure this out, but you have made a big assumption that you have an illness, posted in the subforum of people struggling with it to talk about a symptom that is not in and of itself specifically a PTSD symptom. Nightmares are not the only criteria. Your title said 'no doc needed' but if you have PTSD, you do need a doc. Either way, you need a doc to assess you and treat you.

 

You can talk about trauma here all you like, but if you don't have PTSD at present, then no need to keep trying to make it fit. PTSD is a serious, debilitating mental health condition, it doesn't just go away with tips and tricks, you can;t just drop in here for a spot of advice and make this go away. That does sound like you assume that PTSD is a small enough deal to get rid of it yourself without psychiatric care. That's a rather insulting implication, no?

 

It's like me asking for help with hangovers in the alcoholism board, or help for headaches in the migraine forum. You have to respect that until you have a PTSD diagnosis, we don't know what is up with you and so you need to treat other peoples situations with the same dignity you do your own.

 

Yes we are all sick. But are you having flashbacks up to tne times a day where you experience everything in vivid detail? Can you not sleep or eat because the hypervigilance makes your body strung out with anxiety? Do you stop going out because you fear loud noises will plunge you back into the memory? Do you relive bodily sensations of assault or injury every night? Do you sleep with all the lights on? Do you shrink your life to avoid triggers everywhere you go? Have you lost years of your life to this kind of illness? Members here have been crippled with daily torment from a whole host of symptoms you don't even have. You're saying we are all sick but you're also saying that PTSD is something you could make go away with 'tips and tricks' you got off the internet.

Edited by Titania
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No I wasn't saying tips made it go away....Lets just assume for a minute that I had a good night and that's it. It had nothing to do with what was said on here......See what I am doing....I'm trying to put 2 and 2 together and that has been my problem......No I don't have flashbacks that make me feel like I'm back in that jail cell.....I just think of it everyday at least once every hour........Again I may just have sleep apnea since I snore and stop breathing....IDK? I'm not trying to be disrespectful to anyone here or belittle anyone so if I came off like that I'm sorry

 

 

 

What I meant was I want peace for us all......And I often hurt when I see someone hurting........Like I said at the top......I don't want people thinking well the doc never said anything about PTSD so he just had a psychosis.....NO I was traumatized and even tho I don't fit every single little detail of the disorder I have trauma none the less....Again please do not take what I say personally and I will move the convo to a blog or something.....Maybe nightmare forums IDK.

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Sonic, none of us here can tell you what you do or do not have. But all we can tell you is to work with your doctors. And when you say in the title that you aren't willing to do that, that's a problem. That's what makes us question how bad it is. For me, I have had years of trying to kill myself because it hurts that much. That's not hurting once and hour, that's hurting all the time. But it's not a pissing contest. If this bothers you, talk to your doc. Get a tdoc. Work with them instead of getting high when it gets hard. There isn't much more that we can tell you other than that. So I'm not really sure what you're looking to get out of this thread.

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Why are you mad? I can guess that you feel belittled but it's a guess. Maybe you can blog about it? Why this makes you mad would also be good to bring to tdoc when you can find one.

Also, jt is right that there are meds for nightmares of that's what's going on. But there really are no tips and tricks, as Titania said. It really is working with care providers to resolve them, so I'm not too sure what else there is to say. But I do know how debilitating it is to be scared of sleeping and to stay awake for days on end because sleeping is too scary. You could try sleeping with a light on but that's never worked for me. Which is why we just keep saying to go to a doc. If that what makes you mad, well that's the nature of the beast.

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winter....the thing I was asking is how do people who suffer from PTSD deal with it.......I am a tender person but, can be very mean when I allow my anger to get a foot hold but I really just let things go under the bridge.....It just felt like what I went thru doesn't compare to others and so that means I don't deal with trauma....I am always in 05......everyday all day.......I just learned how to make it background noise...I'm not fighting anymore with members on here....Out of all the forums I go to this one has to be the most straight forward to the point "in your face" type forums...I respect that.....I wouldn't learn but I believe love heals also..........I'm telling you I have considered suicide only after I had a nightmare and wake up and say death would be sweeter than these nightmares.......Lets not compete on who has suffered more.......A blog I guess this is where it needs to be.......

 

 

 

 

I just feel like I'm not taken seriously. What I meant by no doc, was what where your guys ways of dealing with the nightmares.....The nightmares maybe all the meds that I don't need to be on.....But the pharma billion makers have made me feel like I'm trapped in a cage. I try to come off of one med and the withdraws are enough to stress me to the point to where i start to lose it.....It's not the underlining condition anymore.....It's the damn withdraws I go thru.....That is why I make sure I take my meds correctly because I lose so much weight because I never eat and I feel my brain sizzle while it's recovering.........I need to go thru a full blown psychosis where I don't even know who i am to get off these meds because i wouldn't care anymore and that would be detox for me.....I'm just afraid my brain has been thru so much stress that I will never come back...

 

 

 

 

You know my first dx was drug induced psychosis and that was it...Hmmmm. all these dx's now like where just shooting into thin air to maybe hit or miss....It's exhausting and I know I'm whining and venting but I'm very tired of this........

Edited by sonicwhite
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I want to clarify and apologize.

 

Sonic, I don't think that your trauma was not trauma or that this is just psychosis. I don't want to minimize your pain at all. I am not doing very well today, I am a bit of a bitch and I don't mean to be, I'm poorly. FWIW, I don't have a PTSD either, so I'm not saying my pain is greater than yours at all. I just wanted to point something out that would affect the responses that you get and remind you that this can be resolved without it being years of PTSD style treatment.

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