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It's well past midnight (again), and I can't sleep, can't do anything but run through the list of things what I should be doing in my head. There are quite a bit of things to be done, work-stuff, home-related stuff, "hobby"-stuff... and some of those would be relatively simple to just get done. So it's not really an issue of not knowing how to do the things, but rather not being able to start.
 
I feel like I can't breath and there's this "nervous"-type of anxiety. I can't figure it out why it's so impossible to do things instead of worrying over what I should do.
 
I've tried making lists, scheduling pauses and what not.. but it just keeps getting worse. I have no one to talk or spend time with.
 
I don't know.. maybe this describes the feeling a bit (starting from about 3'20):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U3Oti2L8S4&feature=youtu.be&t=3m20s

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I have a therapist, yes.. for the moment anyway. I have an appointment tomorrow (umm.. today actually), but I guess we should use that time to discuss some other issues.

 

And I just feel so utterly stupid explaining this to him, because his response quite often is like "So?! Just get a grip, it can't be that hard."

It's like I'm just being lazy or something :(

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There's no "maybe" about it:  you need a new therapist.  You need one who can teach you some coping skills to deal with your anxiety.  You need someone who can tell you that depression knocks you on your ass and you can't get anything done'

 

The LAST thing you need is someone to tell you to get a grip.

 

Screw him and the horse he rode in on.  Give yourself a new project---finding a new therapist.

 

olga

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There's no "maybe" about it:  you need a new therapist.  You need one who can teach you some coping skills to deal with your anxiety.  You need someone who can tell you that depression knocks you on your ass and you can't get anything done'

 

The LAST thing you need is someone to tell you to get a grip.

 

Screw him and the horse he rode in on.  Give yourself a new project---finding a new therapist.

 

olga

 

^THIS.  Personally if I was seeing a therapist who told me to 'get a grip,' or whatever, I would rather not see that person because I would just be wasting my money and time on someone who clearly could care less.

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Have you tried prioritising by writing a list? Sometimes just seeing it all on paper can give you a good feeling - like it's on it's way to getting done. Then you can number them 1+ upwards in the order you'll do them in and just focus on one at a time. You may have to re-evaluate whether some of the hobby ones can wait or whether you can use them as reward system, ie) trreating yourself to a fun task after having completed a hard one. Try not to think of all of the tasks at once. Just focus on one at a time and when you get a thought about another task think "that's not what I'm doing right now - I'll get to task b that when I've finished task a". Crossing them of = the best part! :)

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I agree--get a new therapist.  Immediately.  I understand feeling like you need to keep seeing the therapist because you are isolating and need to see SOMEONE, but if your current person is telling you just to "get a grip" they are discounting your personhood, IMHO, because they are refusing to accept the reality of your currently feeling that you can't get a grip.  Do you really want to spend one more second with someone who is treating you with a kind of contempt? Because in my experience, the longer you stay hooked into that kind of person, be they a friend, lover, family member or mental health professional, the more you start to believe that you deserve to be disrespected.

 

Have you checked into support groups run by your local NAMI chapter?  If not, please do.  I have gone to several meetings (finally) and was pleasantly suprised at the quality of the moderation and respectfulness of participants. They are free.  NAMI is all over the place; odds are there's at least one meeting a week someplace fairly close to you.  Google NAMI (your city) for info,

 

For a new therapist for cheap, check with your local public health department. 

 

Again, you need better support than what you are getting,  And now, I need to go take my own advice.

 

Good luck--you deserve good things.  We all do.

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About getting a new therapist, I agree with all of you, but it's really a bit more complicated than that... Without going into specific details, my therapy is currently provided by public health department, at which I don't really get to choose who my therapist is.

And taking the leap to entirely private sector is financially impossible. There is a slim possibility to get government support for continuing the therapy in private sector (in which case I would only pay about half of the costs -> might be doable for me, although difficult) but that is somewhat complicated process and should be done in co-operation with my current therapist and pdoc. I guess needless to say that this is also a huge contributing factor to the dead-end feeling I have... :(

 

Have you tried prioritising by writing a list? Sometimes just seeing it all on paper can give you a good feeling - like it's on it's way to getting done. Then you can number them 1+ upwards in the order you'll do them in and just focus on one at a time. You may have to re-evaluate whether some of the hobby ones can wait or whether you can use them as reward system, ie) trreating yourself to a fun task after having completed a hard one. Try not to think of all of the tasks at once. Just focus on one at a time and when you get a thought about another task think "that's not what I'm doing right now - I'll get to task b that when I've finished task a". Crossing them of = the best part! :)

 

yup.. the list works when there is a bit less pressure with multiple deadlines, but currently it just seems that the list only adds to the anxiety :( ..makes it more concrete that I have _all these things to be done and I have started none_

But yes, I completely agree with you, crossing of things from the list is such a relief.

 

Because in my experience, the longer you stay hooked into that kind of person, be they a friend, lover, family member or mental health professional, the more you start to believe that you deserve to be disrespected.

 

Yes.. I should know this by now. Having stayed in a very destructive marriage for over a decade, I should be able to recognize what's not good for me and get away from it. It's pretty difficult though :(

 

Have you checked into support groups run by your local NAMI chapter?  If not, please do.  I have gone to several meetings (finally) and was pleasantly suprised at the quality of the moderation and respectfulness of participants. They are free.  NAMI is all over the place; odds are there's at least one meeting a week someplace fairly close to you.  Google NAMI (your city) for info

 

I'm not sure what would be my equivalent for NAMI... (I'm outside US) but I'll try to look into that and see if we have something similar here..

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It can be hard to find enough energy to start tasks nanna. I don't really have any suggestions except to keep trying to make a little list and break down tasks into little steps. Sometimes it may take a while to complete the task but eventually the task is completed and can be crossed off your list.

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 keep trying to make a little list and break down tasks into little steps. Sometimes it may take a while to complete the task but eventually the task is completed and can be crossed off your list.

 

Thank you hamster, yes.. I try to do that. When reaching a certain level in stress/pressure/anxiety etc. it's very difficult to see the "doable" steps though.

 

Are you in the uk?, i sympathise iam and we don't get a choice, the pdoc is chosen for us based on the location where we live.

 

neptune, no.. I'm in Scandinavia, but we have very similar thing here with public healthcare, the doctor is usually defined by the area where you live, sometimes there can be some other things to consider too, but that's usually the main way to assign doctors.

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Holy moly nanna, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with this because I know it's frustrating. I feel the same way frequently, today is one of those days. The pressure of everything I need to do to get "my life together" feels suffocating. Rather than working to accomplish some things, I too feel utterly stuck. Paralyzed by fear and doubt and anxiety. Even breaking tasks into small steps doesn't usually work, as even the smallest thing can feel insurmountable.

It really hurts when people assume it's laziness that keeps me so immobile. There is nothing I want more than to be making tangible progress and achieving things. But fear wins every time.

I agree with others who said that your therapist sounds extremely invalidating, and seems to be making things worse. That can be so hurtful.

My DBT therapist told me recently that "I can't be in DBT indefinitely" (it's my second year) and that every week I need to come in with "proof" I'm being "productive" :-/ So, I go each week feeling like a failure, and I get the same lecture/pep talk. Now my therapist has told me that the DBT team is unsure of my "commitment" and they are going to keep me on a "tight leash"

I want to have a healthy, productive existence. But none of this is helping.

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Holy moly nanna, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with this because I know it's frustrating. I feel the same way frequently, today is one of those days. The pressure of everything I need to do to get "my life together" feels suffocating. Rather than working to accomplish some things, I too feel utterly stuck. Paralyzed by fear and doubt and anxiety. Even breaking tasks into small steps doesn't usually work, as even the smallest thing can feel insurmountable.

 

Exactly. It's kinda nice to know I'm not the only one, but I still wish we wouldn't have to struggle with this alltogether :/

 

My DBT therapist told me recently that "I can't be in DBT indefinitely" (it's my second year) and that every week I need to come in with "proof" I'm being "productive" :-/ So, I go each week feeling like a failure, and I get the same lecture/pep talk. Now my therapist has told me that the DBT team is unsure of my "commitment" and they are going to keep me on a "tight leash"

 

Oh. That sounds ... weird. I think if I'd get that kind of response, I'd feel even more paralyzed and unable to do any kind of progress, only because of the "demands"...

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My DBT therapist told me recently that "I can't be in DBT indefinitely" (it's my second year) and that every week I need to come in with "proof" I'm being "productive" :-/ So, I go each week feeling like a failure, and I get the same lecture/pep talk. Now my therapist has told me that the DBT team is unsure of my "commitment" and they are going to keep me on a "tight leash"

 

 

I'd be pissed!  Can you find another therapist, because clearly the current one doesn't trust you (seeing you need proof you are being productive, she's unsure of your commitment, etc).

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Holy moly nanna, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with this because I know it's frustrating.

 

I feel the same way frequently, today is one of those days. The pressure of everything I need to do to get "my life together" feels suffocating.

 

Rather than working to accomplish some things, I too feel utterly stuck. Paralyzed by fear and doubt and anxiety.

 

Even breaking tasks into small steps doesn't usually work, as even the smallest thing can feel insurmountable.

It really hurts when people assume it's laziness that keeps me so immobile.

 

There is nothing I want more than to be making tangible progress and achieving things. But fear wins every time.

^^ This! I could have written this myself! I feel exactly the same & I too have immense difficulty breaking larger tasks into smaller ones for the very same reasons.

I write lists, but following them through is extremely difficult, as I just feel incredibly overwhelmed.

 

My mother is constantly on my back every day (phoning me each day, at least twice a day), asking/ telling me to do this task or that (regarding housework) & it drive me bonkers that she isn't quite able to understand how overwhelmed I feel and that her actions aren't helping. I honestly dread how much more overbearing she'll be now that I'm studying a Diploma for this year (it starts next month).

 

I agree with others who said that your therapist sounds extremely invalidating, and seems to be making things worse. That can be so hurtful.

My DBT therapist told me recently that "I can't be in DBT indefinitely" (it's my second year) and that every week I need to come in with "proof" I'm being "productive" :-/ So, I go each week feeling like a failure, and I get the same lecture/pep talk. Now my therapist has told me that the DBT team is unsure of my "commitment" and they are going to keep me on a "tight leash"

I want to have a healthy, productive existence. But none of this is helping.

 

Nana: Your therapist sounds extremely hard to work with :( and I'm so sorry that you're not in a position of being able to change therapists just yet.

MacadamiaNUT: IMO I honestly thought that DBT was meant to be for MINIMUM of 3-4years!!! and tbh, I've always had the opinion that you should be in therapy for as long as you feel you need to be!

I mean I know we have to stand on our own two feet, but surely having appointments say once a month or once every 2-3 months (once we're "stabilised") indefinitely isn't a bad thing as it keeps up support and helps us re-hash over coping mechanisms??

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and tbh, I've always had the opinion that you should be in therapy for as long as you feel you need to be!

 

Me too ... I was in therapy starting in 1990 (one a therapist, one a pdoc who did therapy), and was in it until 2003.  Stopped with the pdoc (he also gave therapy) in 2003, and my current pdoc (whom I started in 2003 until now) does some therapy with me.  Not a lot, but makes sure things are ok.   So I have been in therapy for 23/24 years now.

Edited by melissaw72
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