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I was wondering, when you have a few good days, do all the not so good days dissolve from your memory and present? Do they vanish until there is something unpleasant to bring them back?

 

I am so embarrassed to make such a drama out of myself and I have no idea what to say at my pdoc appointment in 2 days.

 

When I talk about bipolar symptoms I've supposedly had, it feels as though I'm discussing a story told to me by a good friend. They're not my issues anymore.

 

Bleargh.

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was wondering, when you have a few good days, do all the not so good days dissolve from your memory and present? Do they vanish until there is something unpleasant to bring them back?

 

The bad days dissolve from my memory whether I have good days or not.  Everything just kind of flows together and I can't remember a thing.  Once in awhile though I'll remember something in detail that happened in my past that was a nightmare to deal with, but not much.  Or sometimes there is a trigger.  But that is all random.

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was wondering, when you have a few good days, do all the not so good days dissolve from your memory and present? Do they vanish until there is something unpleasant to bring them back?

 

The bad days dissolve from my memory whether I have good days or not.  Everything just kind of flows together and I can't remember a thing.  Once in awhile though I'll remember something in detail that happened in my past that was a nightmare to deal with, but not much.  Or sometimes there is a trigger.  But that is all random.

 

 

Same here.

 

I have that both ways, a lot of my good days seem to vanish from memory while I'm not doing well, and when I'm doing well, I don't remember the bad days. Everything seems rather vague in retrospect. Sometimes I do really feel disconnected from my memories. As in "Did I really do that?" "I can't believe I acted/thought like that!" "What a strange time in my life that was...weird." Sometimes times things in my life seem more important than they were at the time, like I'm nostalgic for things that aren't very important. Like I feel sad about the times I spent waiting outside class in college, when in reality I'm pretty sure those times were spent being very anxious.

 

Also of note that might be relevant, I have a weird memory that doesn't seem to function properly a lot of the time. I don't remember conversations, but the people I've had them with do remember. I don't remember faces, it takes a long time for me to recognize my regular customers at work (I'm in retail and I talk to these people and I have no memory of them, even in the same day). 

 

I wish I had some advice on what to say at your pdoc appointment, but I have trouble myself with articulating how I'm feeling or have felt at my own appointments.

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I don't remember the bad days when I'm feeling good. I also don't remember the good days when feeling bad. If that makes any sense. I have a bad memory when it comes to trying to remember how I've been feeling or how I used to feel.

And then I'll be at my pdoc appointment and I'll be stumped as to how to say how I've been doing. Then I kick myself once I'm back at home and I'll be like "I forgot about this and this and that!" I usually just end up saying I'm "ok."

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And then I'll be at my pdoc appointment and I'll be stumped as to how to say how I've been doing. Then I kick myself once I'm back at home and I'll be like "I forgot about this and this and that!" I usually just end up saying I'm "ok."

 

I totally know what you mean.  I HATE when that happens.  Pdoc asks how I am and I'm like "fine," even though I've had a shitty week.  Once I get home I'm like 'why didn't I tell him about that?'

 

So now I make notes of what to tell him, or email him what is going on, and even if he doesn't read the email before I get there, I have him read the email when I am there.

 

For me it is like once something is over (whatever it is, ie a meltdown), I don't want to think about it anymore, so I kind of delete it from my mind, probably because it is over with.  I mean, why would I want to remember what had just happened; so it usually is just deleted from my mind.

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I am horrible at charting, so I don't want to sound smug, because I don't do it enough myself, but this kind of thing is why you should chart. I find it very easy to forget bad days when I am having good days. If I have two days in a row without migraine, I say to my husband, "Oh, my migraine has been sooo much better;" and he has to tell me no it hasn't.

 

Although even he admitted I had a couple of "good" weeks until Friday, where I was able to control pain better, and lost only a half day hear and there. But we are back to the status quo, now.

 

I also start the night before an appt. writing out a list issues. One issue will remind me of another. I *always* take a list of topics I want to cover to my pdoc's.

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Even on bad days I try to write a list of at least 3 good things that have happened that day. Even if its "I found a chocolate bar in my fridge!"

On good days, its like the bad didn't happen.

On bad days, I try to think of the good days. I keep a lot of pictures on my harddrive, and have some prints, to try to focus on. I try to read old posts of good things.

 

My friend posts on facebook "Happy moment of the day...". Yesterday it was "Even though my water pipes burst, my tractor wouldn't start and I froze my ass off, I spent the day surrounded by horses and my loving barn family!" She's a true optimist in my opinion! I really try to follow her lead.

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