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Oh boy. I can relate to a lot of this! I so understand where you are coming from. Especially the people slapping a label on you to make it easier for them to understand and write off your MI problems. It seems like if you get drunk once and a while you have an alcohol problem. Even though people who drink five times as much and as often as you aren't labeled as such.

That said, I think that professionals would say that abusing alcohol and having an alcohol problem are the same thing. According to them if you abuse it you have a problem. That has been my experience.

I am like you. I get happy drunk most of the time or for at least half the time I am drinking. Then I go batshit crazy. Bad crazy. Like you said hurting yourself and needing high intensity psych care. Starting verbal fights. Until I go to sleep and take my bedtime meds. And getting me to do that while drinking is hard to do because I get wild crazy ideas like going off my meds and moving out of town, or hell out of the country! I get suicidal, etc. just bad bad bad

I think too like what came first the MI or the alcohol abuse. For me too it was the MI that came first. That starts the ball rolling and starts the crazy and then I want to drink to escape said crazy and then it works for awhile and then I get crazier in the end.

I'm a bit older than you (30). But I don't know why I keep drinking. I started driving again and I keep being like, oh I'll just run and pick up some beer. I'm trying hard now to stick to my own rules to not have and booze and not to drink in the apartment. I tend to drink more and faster when at home. And I hate going to the liquor store because if don't want to be seen as a "regular." So I think this will help me cut back a great deal. Because I was doing well and drinking like twice a month for a long time.

It is hard though. I feel you. Even now writing about it and thinking about it makes me want to drink a bit.

I hope some of this makes sense and hopefully you at least know you are not alone. It will be a rough road but I think we can make it.

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I can relate a lot to this, i drank a lot from 18-24. I was drunk 2-3 times a week at University age 19-22, a lot of other people did as well, as there was many opportunities to drink, we went out to clubs and parties, i was told by my doctors that i was drinking too much, my parents were worried and it defiantly had a negative impact on my life, alcohol causes depression,this is what i was told by one docter.


I still drink now, i get drunk every 10 days, im not on meds for depression and when life gets too much for me i get drunk.


I think you have already identified that alcohol is an issue for you, i don't think your an alcoholic, alcoholics wake up and NEED a drink, they drink all day, my uncle was one. He was such a nice man, but when he drank he changed. Alcoholics shake when they can't get alcohol. I don't think your physically dependent on alcohol, but you do miss use it because of your symptoms.


I must admit cheese, when we had that fight the other day i was drunk. I'm not excusing my behavior.


When i drank alot there were lots of situations i got myself in, i found my self risking my safety and like you i already felt down or suicidal but the drinking elevated it.

Edited by neptunesky
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Yes i have also wondered about the whole if i just drank one glass of wine a night, would it be worse than binging once a week, and the answer is it is better to drink one a night because if you have it all at once your liver can not process it all at once.


I'm not the type of person that can have just one drink though, i have to get drunk, to have that feeling to take away my symptoms even if it's just for a few hours. I'm British so it's not uncommon at all to drink as much as i do, or as often(Brits drink the most in Europe by far). I don't drink at all until i have my next binge, i then have

over my weekly limit, all in one go.


But because my reasons for doing so are different than the average person, i think that's what makes it a problem. Most people drink to have fun and be sociable.


We seem to be drinking mostly alone and to help our symptoms.


My uncle went to the Priory but discharged himself, sadly he died a week later after suffering

a heart attack in which his body wasn't fit to fight off after the damage from alcohol, he was in his mid fifties. It does worry me that i could turn out like that but he isn't wasn't my biological uncle and i have been told he already drank way more than i do.

Edited by neptunesky
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