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Treated like a child


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I know that my bipolar is severe but I'm an adult. My spouse treats me like a child. He wants to where I am & what I'm doing 24/7. It gets really frustrating because there are so many things I'm not allowed to do. Example, the other night, I was supposed to go to a Zumba class but I just couldn't make myself go. I ended up a bar and had a few drinks (yes, I know that I'm not supposed to drink with the meds). I was just to the point of wanting to give up. I never drink & drive so I called my husband to come pick me up. He started yelling at me and bombarded me with accusations and other stupid bullshit. I was like would you prefer me to drive home. I thought I was doing the right thing by calling. Does anyone have this problem whether it be a spouse, significant other, or a family member?

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I've been married 21 years, when I was diagnosed just six months ago, dh didn't know what to do or how to act.  So we went to the tdoc together until he felt like he could understand how he needed to respond in certain situations.  He doesn't always get it right but it's a huge improvement.

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I can understand why he was upset.  First of all, he's worried about you.  Secondly, leaving to go do one thing, and then deciding to go get drunk in a bar instead is not mature behavior in my opinion.  

 

For instance, if my spouse left to go work out, and then ended up at a bar drinking enough to not be able to drive home, I'd be very upset.  That kind of behavior smacks of alcoholism at worst and adolescence party attitude at best to me.  If he'd have done something else - ran to Starbucks, for instance - I wouldn't be upset at all.  If he had told me beforehand he was going to go to a bar for A drink alone, I would be concerned because this isn't normal behavior for him - and in my experience, people who go to a bar alone are sometimes not looking to stay alone.  If he had told me beforehand that he had a change of plans and was meeting a friend for a drink instead, I would not be upset.    

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You skip your Zumba class and instead go to a bar alone and have a few drinks?  And you are complaining about your spouse??

I would be furious if I were your spouse.  And then there is the fact that you are having several drinks while on medications.

 

I am Bipolar 1 and it takes daily effort to care for myself, and that is without hanging out in bars and drinking.

I am not sure how long you have been diagnosed but it will take a bigger effort on your part to maintain stability.

Those of us who are married have spouses who have been through a LOT because of our illness.

 

I encourage you to learn more about your treatment, and get into therapy to help you become more serious about your mental illness.

Edited by bpladybug
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Geez you'd think I was Satan reincarnated. Yes, I know that what I did was wrong and no I'm not an alcoholic. I usually do what I'm going to say that I'm doing. Maybe, that was the wrong example to use obviously. So let's start this over again. I'm not allowed to have any friends, I'm constantly told that I need to eat (I think at 37, I would know when I was hungry) and no I'm not underweight by any means. He calls me every couple of hours wanting to know what I'm doing and where I'm at. He tells me when I should go to bed and what to watch on tv. These are better examples hopefully.

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If he is going to be so concerned, he had better learn that furious and angry yelling/bombarding is going to worsen all situations that concern bipolar.

I don't agree with the bar thing at all, it is a stupid choice, but there are better ways to deal with anger over a stupid choice. We all make them, regardless of being or not being bipolar. I think there is probably something going on between you two that badly needs to be discussed.

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I agree with the other posters; your husband sounds like he is crossing a line into emotional abuse.  However, starting off for Zumba class and ending up at a local bar does nothing to engender trust.  I'm not trying to be harsh with you, just pointing out that this type of behavior is almost always going to bring about questions from your loved ones.

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That is pretty controlling and sounds emotionally abusive. I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. While you did skip a class and go to a bar, that's not for me to judge.

 

He needs to see a counselor as well.

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