starship_subaru Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) I am wondering when it is appropriate to stop giving a person (who is mistreating you) second chances and just tell them to...for lack of better wording...eff the eff off. I would like a consistent rule to follow because I am tired of being mistreated, and it keeps happening because there are no rules and I don't know what to do. every time I forgive someone and then they trample on me again, I think I die a little bit more inside. Edited February 11, 2014 by starship_subaru Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neptunesky Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 some people just take advantage i don't give many people chances because i've been hurt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chimako Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I am wondering when it is appropriate to stop giving a person (who is mistreating you) second chances and just tell them to...for lack of better wording...eff the eff off. I would like a consistent rule to follow because I am tired of being mistreated, and it keeps happening because there are no rules and I don't know what to do. every time I forgive someone and then they trample on me again, I think I die a little bit more inside. There are so many factors If it's my DH who is an awesome person, I'd give him quite a few chances. If it's someone I work with, if I'm feeling generous, maybe two chances before I go to the managers, or if I'm feeling pissy, tell them off. If it's someone like a sister/brother/mother/father, no pity. They might get a second chance if I'm too fucking busy to bother to tell them to fuck off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissaw72 Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I gave this guy I know so many chances, and in the end totally regretted it. I should have stayed away after maybe 2-3 times of uncomfortable behavior. And to get him off my back, I couldn't even tell him to fuck off because that would lead to another conversation ... I had to just ignore him, not call him, and make sure I didnt run into him. It took a long time doing this before he got the hint. And even now once in awhile he'll approach me and I put my ipod on and ignore him (or give quick random answers back). It took a lot of help (from CB) and courage to get rid of him. I guess what I am trying to say is, better to stop giving chances if you are being abused because it might spiral into something more difficult to get out of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaBanana Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 It sounds like you have a hard time setting boundaries. When you don't have clear cut boundaries, it is easier to get mistreated. (Not in any way saying that it doesn't happen with boundaries either). When a person is putting your mental/physical health in distress, it's time to let go. That might take 2 times, it might take 6 times. For me it depends on the person/situation/my mood. Since being diagnosed and getting stable though, it has been much easier for me to set definite boundaries and to let people know what happens when you cross those boundaries. Maybe this would be a good topic for therapy? How to make it easier for you to say "this is not acceptable behavior?" It is NOT natural behavior (or it wasn't for me anyway), it did take a good deal of therapy and actual practice before I became any good at it and at first, I would still feel guilty for telling a person off, even when it was perfectly reasonable for me to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ovOidampUle Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Anna Banana - I just got that princess puzzle in your icon for the school I work at. </random> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indigo 'n dye Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Right now it is when I requested that someone stay away from me: they did not honour my request. They received adequate warning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaBanana Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I have a 4 year old, she's princess CRAZY! So, everything we buy has some kind of princess on it in one form or another. I did it in honor of her. And she gets so excited when she sees it, I have to show her my profile so she can see it bigger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Starship, I think you need to decide if this person is important to you. If my mother or my husband, or someone else that I loved did something to me, I would be willing to listen to an explanation and an apology for their behavior. After all, I love that person and want to continue to have a relationship with them. But if it's someone that I don't love---an acquaintance or casual friend? Zero chances, definitely. If you are nasty to me and do something unkind, you're out of my life. I don't have time for people who are unkind. If you are allowing this to happen, then you need to work with a therapist or someone to raise your self-esteem. You don't deserve to be mistreated. We ALL should be given kindness and understanding. Walk away from those people and don't look back. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*april* Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 ^^^I agree with all of that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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