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my name is will graham.

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First time i tried this, i ended up writing an essay, so i'll try to keep this short.


i've had severe recurrent depression for 10 years, anxiety for longer.  Started when i was nine, sure it's because of genes and the start of puberty.  My mom has OCPD (her rituals make my home life very stressful) and was anorexic, my brother was autistic (he committed suicide), all of my dad's aunts have depression/anxiety.  i'm also transgender, and my family isn't completely accepting.


i'm now on medical leave from college because i couldn't bring myself to go back.  i'm majoring in music performance, but i haven't enjoyed playing my instrument in years, and i hate the classes.  i may switch my major when i go back.


i was at a new school this semester and i found it difficult to obtain food, and then to eat much of anything.  Eating's been noticeably more disordered for a few months, but i think it's all secondary from depression.  Started noticing more hair was coming out than usual, and that made me realize i need to do something about it.


So now i have six months of sitting on the couch all day, going to therapy once (maybe twice) a week, and getting a psychiatrist to look forward to.  i've been strongly averse to medication for years, but my will is broken and i can't really bring myself to care that much anymore.  Every doctor has told me i "need" medication, and i'm too tired to argue anymore.  i still fear they'll compromise my personality/cognitive abilities.


My main problems now are anhedonia, avolition, and apathy.  Triple A.


The one light in my life is the show NBC Hannibal, which you might be able to tell by my username.  Cause i am Will Graham.

Edited by will_graham
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Hi, Will, and welcome to Crazyboards.


I always direct new members to the rules---please read them if you haven't done so already.


It sounds like you are really in the Black Pit, and I know what that is like.  I hope you find some support here at CB, and maybe your pdoc and therapist will come up with a treatment plan that is effective.


Good luck.



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