Justamadhat Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 ...*Drops smile and flings herself onto the floor in a relieved sigh* Finally a place where I can cut the 'fake-smile' crap. Hooray! Also, no fluffy, meaningless, electronic cyber hugs, no mutual wound licking while stroking each others hair and promising pink cotton candy (I HAVE YET TO RECEIVE BY THE WAY) just because it is an expected custom. Instead you get some honest advice, honest opinions, honest thoughts. That is fantastic. Ah, I love this site. That said, guys, I've been stalking you from my shadowed corner for years now. Years! Since my big meltdown at seventeen and I'm now a nineteen-nearly-twenty-year-old-yet-not-anywhere-near-grownup. Also, nipple clamps. Seen them. Admired them. Never put 'em on though. But I have googled them, just to see if they come in different colors (they do have colored accessories! ). Anyway, about me and hell and stuff, right. " I'm so tired I can't sleeeeeeep.... I'm anemic royaltyyyyyy " Currently in therapy. Still haven't quite figured out what's wrong yet, but I'll tell when I know. Things are complicated, things are a tangled ball of weirdness I'm trying to unravel without getting caught up and losing myself in it. The only things I really know are that I struggled and still struggle with self-harm and suicidal ideation. That I had a severe eating-disordered phase when I was younger. That my moods and perception resemble Russian roulette at times. That there are a lot of things in my mind I still struggle to explain. That I did hallucinate. That 'it' runs in the family. That my anxiety (Uh, a feeling I have a name for, how lovely!) is hell on earth. And that I am glad to have stumbled across this site at seventeen and now am finally signing up for it, hoping to collect some experiences and advice from people who went through similar or who have been within the fun, fun tides of crazy longer than me. I am not a native English speaker BTW, so pardon any mistakes. Haha, you know why I didn't sign up back then? Because I thought you'd angrily kick me out for saying the wrong thing, for being me and mainly for not being from the UK. ...WHAT? I was not new to the internet at all, nor did I believe this site was a weird kind of racist and/or exclusive. My panic just went through the roof and I became irrational. This was and still is important to me, I guess that's why I felt that for some reason, I would fuck up massively and irreparably. That after all, I don't belong or deserve to belong anywhere. Sigh. Anxiety's a b*tch. I feel like I'm an engine that first flies full speed into another galaxy until it hits a mysterious and random brick wall, where it dies, crashes down back to earth and stands excruciatingly still until the cycle begins anew. I'm still nervous and shaky about posting this, but it's not nearly as bad as it once was. Looking forward to communicate with y'all. I am finally saying hello. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shesellsseashells Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hello and welcome to CB. I've only been here for a couple of months, but I appreciate the support I've received as well as the other aspects you mentioned, such as honest feedback. I hope you have a helpful experience here, too. And your English is great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rein Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hi *waves* Nice to meet you! This place really is special.. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiaB Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Welcome - glad you finally came out of the corner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Welcome to CB. Don't worry about your English---we Americans murder the language all the time. I'm glad you found us and I hope you like being one of the nuts in our can. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hello and Welcome out of lurkdom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emettman Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hello and welcome. And nipple clamps on a first post? You will do well enough, I suspect "I am not a native English speaker .." Just as well. In some parts of England the speech of the natives amounts to a small selection of incomprehensible grunts. Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
San Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Hello! Welcome, your English is pretty well written, I must say. There are a few non-native English speakers here, no big worry. You brought up nipple clamps on the first post, you're in the secret club. You can swear on here, there's no censorship, except for racism. Your anxiety is not a b*tch, its a fucking bitch. I'm glad you found CB, where you can let loose, no eggshells. My rx: Nipple clamps, try 'em when you're anxious. You might not think of anything else. Especially if you get clovers. Try to find vibrating ones. (Not a medical professional, but a nipple clamp expert) In all seriousness, check out the boards, chat, start a blog, don't be afraid to post. We're a community here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unstrung Harp Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Wait, you're saying there is NO PINK COTTON CANDY HERE???!!!! I demand a refund and an apology from someone, as well as some sort of voucher for future travel. [Also: welcome aboard madhat. Glad you decided to join in the fun ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emettman Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Wait, you're saying there is NO PINK COTTON CANDY HERE???!!!! If there's no pink cotton candy here... WHAT HAVE I BEEN EATING!? Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
San Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Wait, you're saying there is NO PINK COTTON CANDY HERE???!!!! If there's no pink cotton candy here... WHAT HAVE I BEEN EATING!? Chris Oh god... Me too?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justamadhat Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Thank you for all the warm welcomes! You can swear on here, there's no censorship, except for racism. Your anxiety is not a b*tch, its a fucking bitch. I'm glad you found CB, where you can let loose, no eggshells. I shall furthermore refer to my anxiety as the fucking awful BITCH from hell that it is. My rx: Nipple clamps, try 'em when you're anxious. You might not think of anything else. Especially if you get clovers. Try to find vibrating ones. Hehe. Already an advice that I probably wouldn't have gotten from a professional. It's good to know some alternative methods. Wait, you're saying there is NO PINK COTTON CANDY HERE???!!!! I demand a refund and an apology from someone, as well as some sort of voucher for future travel. We've been deceived! ...But I don't know, maybe you guys do have some pink cotton candy here. All I know is that elsewhere I've been promised wild cotton candy appearing, BUT IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET. Believe me, I feel your frustration. If there's no pink cotton candy here... WHAT HAVE I BEEN EATING!? Chris Oh god... Me too?! ... Well, let's be optimistic and suggest that it's probably real candy. But that's a lie, I'm not much of an optimist. Some truths you just reeeeeaaaally don't wanna know. Sorry to may or may not have shattered some candy cotton dreams here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emettman Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Well, let's be optimistic and suggest that it's probably real candy. But that's a lie, I'm not much of an optimist. Some truths you just reeeeeaaaally don't wanna know. Sorry to may or may not have shattered some candy cotton dreams here. You've got to watch out for optimists. I don't want to cross a bridge, or fly in a plane, that was deigned built or maintained by optimists. And for the other: it is hard to maintain such a positive view of laws, or sausages, if one has seen them being made. Chris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chickenlips Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Welcome..... its nice here...... cozy even..... mmmmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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