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Do you want to be CURED?

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I'd get rid of depression, OCD, and whatever the hell is wrong with me socially (don't know what this is, is not diagnosed). i would be so so so much more productive without ocd. if i hadn't developed it as a kid, i really think i would just be in an entirely different position right now.

 

I don't know if I actually experience hypomania or not because it just doesn't seem like it's extreme enough. it's more like, woooo I finally have some energy. and I wouldn't get rid of that.

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all i want right now is to read from beginning to finish Marcel Proust's book

remembrance of things past.

the meds I'm on seem to make this next to impossible.

i read the first two books before MI and was blown away,i recently in a manic spree orderered

it again on ebay.

so these beautiful books are just waiting for MI to be cured and no more meds.

 

so to u'r question:i would sell my liver,lungs,whatever to get cured of this thing.

i don't get to read.im usually horribly depressed.i have no friends or anything like that.im skinny/fat because

of the meds/MI.it has taken it all away.

 

i still have the music but even there MI comes in and fucks with my feelings.

i start to practice guitar,next minute I'm crying uncontrollably for hours…..

 

MI has not added anything worthwhile to my life.

i once actually had a lot of "promise".

this is all gone now.

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I would give up everything I own. I would give up my huge yarn collection, my ipad, my phone, my clothes, etc. I want to say I'd been able to finish college and grad school. I wanted to be a professor. I didn't even barely have a good college beginning. It sucked. I was in the music program, honor roll, working part-time in sales, had friends, etc. I don't know what I miss the most, my job or my studies. I just had my student loans discharged because of total and permanent disability. I can never go back to school. I don't know if I regret school or not. I wasted so much money. I would have loved to have kept my job. But so many many stays in the state hospital ruined that.

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Not sure how my life would be if I was properly medicated but even if I was I would probably still say yes. I don't feel productive on any cycle im on and tired of all of it.

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I have no input on the bipolar part, since it is only something my psychiatrist has mentioned a few times, and I shut it down.

But if there was a cure for panic disorder and depression, I would take it without hesitation. I think of what my life was like before I was 16 and this all began, and I think about how much my panic attacks have taken away from me.

From little things like skipping out on a concert because loud, thick crowds send me over the edge... To bigger things like them getting so out of control I ended up hospitalized twice and ending up losing a great job and a good apartment because I couldnt cope with life at all anymore.

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No because I would not be me - my emotions thoughts and behaviours would be altered. Taking drugs is one thing but being absolutely normal is another. I have friends who love me for my kooky ways. I'm not saying I like being BP I'm saying it's a part of who I am love it or lump it. I'd rather accept reality. Of course it's tempting to imagine life without it but managing my BP is my goal not curing it and it feels like a bit of a fantasy trap. Anyway I like playing the devil's advocate and everyone else has replied "yes" ;).

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I'd do anything to be cured...

I want to be able to hold my life together. To keep a job. To finish school. To not have to worry if one morning my partner is going to find me dead on the sofa. To support myself. Maybe even be able to handle my dream job as a labor organizer (I know that I couldn't handle the stress and long crazy hours, as passionate as I am about labor rights.) If I could even manage to keep my house clean and my garden in decent order that would make me so happy...

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Hell yeah, press that damn button! I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss some of the manic stuff, however.

Edited by Flash

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I don't know right now. Ask me after I spend some time at my baseline. I would need to see if I am capable of having fun and being sociable during events outside of hypomanic episodes first.

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For me personally, it's a part of who I am, what I have become and who I am turning into.

But for those who have it far worse than me then for you I like a cure.

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Makes me think of a video excerpt from Stephen Fry's famous documentary about Bipolar Disorder. I am not so sure that this bit he said is well known, though! I was surprised to hear it. Though I have heard some remarks like it before, such as those with BP disorder are often very creative. 

 

He said that out of all of those with Bipolar Disorder that he has spoken with, "only about 2" have said that they would want to take the disorder away! He said that for himself and for the others he spoke with, even though there is a dark like no other, capable of sucking the taste right out of every part of your life, that the upswing and creativity, etc. is worth it all. 

 

Um. 

 

Not to discount what others reading this might feel, but I can't relate to that AT ALL! I can't think of much that I wouldn't do for a cure to this bastard illness. I have had this diagnosis for many years, so I have seen myself through many manifestations of it. There have been times when I've thought that my accomplishments were defining my life, but in retrospect, my disorder was ultimately limiting them.

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Makes me think of a video excerpt from Stephen Fry's famous documentary about Bipolar Disorder. I am not so sure that this bit he said is well known, though! I was surprised to hear it. Though I have heard some remarks like it before, such as those with BP disorder are often very creative. 

 

He said that out of all of those with Bipolar Disorder that he has spoken with, "only about 2" have said that they would want to take the disorder away! He said that for himself and for the others he spoke with, even though there is a dark like no other, capable of sucking the taste right out of every part of your life, that the upswing and creativity, etc. is worth it all. 

 

Um. 

 

Not to discount what others reading this might feel, but I can't relate to that AT ALL! I can't think of much that I wouldn't do for a cure to this bastard illness. I have had this diagnosis for many years, so I have seen myself through many manifestations of it. There have been times when I've thought that my accomplishments were defining my life, but in retrospect, my disorder was ultimately limiting them.

That's just crazy. OK, poor word choice. In any case, those periods of creativity and productivity don't last very long at all, and then it's on to the whackadoodle stage. And for me it's only really good for cleaning and organizing. I can't actually do anything important. And after that I'm just hopeless. Whatever cleaning and organizing I accomplished earlier is later undone by a factor of infinity squared. And work? Fuggetaboutit. Hopeless. If I try, I just produce garbage. But trying almost never happens because I,m too busy doing a dozen other things, chief among them trying to destroy my life.

I know everyone is different, and that some people get long hypomanias which they can harness to do work. Good for them. I can't fathom any amount of productivity that could make me NOT want to extinguish the whole thing, however. The severe depressions and mixed states are so wicked, and the manias leave a trail of destruction in their wake. When I look at my life backwards through the lens of time, I see someone with tremendous advantages and potential. Fast-forward, and all I see is a train wreck. Sure, I managed a few things. But those we're done in spite of bipolar, not with its assistance. And everything was twice as hard and took twice as long. So no, I cannot identify with Fry, et al.

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About what Fry said, I've heard similar statements before.  At times, I've identified with that sentiment, especially when I'm in a low period (I don't like using the D word as they're really pretty mild in my case).  However, I have trouble believing you can be truly productive in mania, even in creative pursuits.  For example, I might have some awesome novel idea in an episode, but could I really write it down?  Maybe if I was just hypo, but in full-blown mania, I can barely write a damn sentence, let alone a whole novel.  

 

In short, assuming there were somehow no side effects, I'd take the cure.  Any benefit to staying this way is nominal compared to all the bullshit it has already caused.  

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I'm going to have to say No. But, to be fair, I have what my psych calls a "mild" case of bipolar that is pretty well managed by one single med. I've been relatively "normal" for 3 years now. I've had a few minor, but manageable episodes, but pretty stable for that long. My bipolar is what makes me, well me. I wouldn't know how to function or think otherwise. It's what gives me my adorable and not so adorable quirks. Now, had you asked me before we found a med that worked and I was in mixed episode hell, I probably would have said "sign me up! NOW!" in a heartbeat. But no, I'm pretty happy with me as is right now.

 

 

ETA: I know people suffer much worse than me and don't always come up with a med combo to treat their symptoms, for those people, I would definitely want a cure.

Edited by AnnaBanana

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