Jump to content

Room for a little more Crazy?

Recommended Posts

Hello there :)


I'm Cathy, live in England (not for much longer), am menopausal (awaiting hormone test results but pretty sure as this bout of depression has been ongoing since 2003/4) Oh and the flushes!


I read the rules yes! :P


I should write a blog. I know I talk/type too much sometimes but wanted to say hi and a bit about stuff first.


In brief (lol), adult survivor of child sexual abuse from age 6 by an uncle and my only brother, brother killed himself at 22 (I was 17) as he too was abused by same uncle. Married a guy who couldn't look at me if i put on more than 4 pounds so was bulimic for 10 or so years until I could no longer make myself sick (my body said "nope, I'm keeping this shit in!").  We split in 1991 and my weight yoyo's now but has been high for a while.  


I have social phobia as I have put on about 50 pounds in 3/4 years and wont go where people know me.   I struggle to get up/shower and won't go out without about a weeks notice as I have panic attacks. Used to be so sociable.  I'm also a lifetime member of the insomniac club, probably abuse related.  Anxiety is ruling me.


Have the most trustworthy guy in the world and I can't eat in front of him or be seen in any state of undress and he knew me as a dancer when I was young and found me 30 yrs later on Facebook, so much fatter and still got me to move in with him just over a yr ago.  He puts up with my insecure rants and jealousy (over fucking female singers/bands no less) that I never had prior to this weight gain.  I can't like myself one bit and it's killing me and I'm scared it'll kill us.  I have no jealousies re ex's as they became ex's and all of a sudden I'm rational -  but all these little female rebel bands I can't stand as it's what he loved about me - 30 years ago.  Weird clothes crazy hair and pretty faces attached to slinky bodies... How do I get past this? 


On a waiting list for CBT, had most antidepressants in the past as it has come and gone all my life - just stuck around permanently for the last decade.  Just come off 4 yrs on Mirtazipine as it prolly helped me get fatter, Sertraline stopped what little sleep I managed to have so now on Amitriptyline mainly for sleep and Diazepam for when I'm unmaneagable and going crazy.  also on Cocodamol for disc problem and to help sleep.


Sorry for the blog sized intro.... told you!!! :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome to Crazyboards.  I know it takes a while in England, but I hope you can get in to see a therapist to help you with all this.


I know all about those hot flashes! :)  Nothing like feeling hot on a freezing day when everyone else is bundled up and complaining about the cold.


Please do start a blog if you would like to tell us more about yourself.  I hope you like being a part of this community.



Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Create New...