s p Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Hi, English is not my native/first language so please bare with any mistakes i make. I'am in my early 20's and came across this web-site a few months back, while i was searching for different ways to commit suicide. I always wanted the slowest and the most painful possible way to die. I haven't been diagnosed with any disorders. I never went for any diagnosis till now. I have had a very troubled life so far, never had any real friends. I have a Bachelors degree in Psychology I feel like i fit in some of those disorders, i feel like the doctors would make up some type of some disorder to make sure i will fit into something. I would like to get diagnosed to help me understand myself, but don't have the courage to go to a doctor and talk to a complete stranger(it's also quite expensive). I feel like dying. I hate god or whoever is responsible for this creation. I hate my fate and can't get to terms with it. I'am not in the mindset to accept any medication, i like my mind the way it is and don't want to change it, i believe the problem is with the outside world. May be that is my problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 sp, welcome to Crazyboards. When a person has a mental illness, I think the acceptance part of the whole process is very difficult. For many of our members, it took a while to accept that they have an MI, and that's very normal to feel that way. You say that you like your mind the way it is and don't want to take any medicines, and yet you also say you have had a very troubled life, you have no friends, and you are looking for a painful way to die. Do you really want to go on in this manner? Do you understand that therapy and medicines can make you feel like living? With the right combination, you could function happily with other people, maybe find a life partner, enjoy your job, travel, etc. Life doesn't have to be a miserable existence. I am sorry that you have lived for so long with no diagnosis and no treatment. Please scrape together the money to see a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis. Your life could be so much better. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
s p Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 (edited) I don't know what was going on in my mind when I typed all that in this forum... Feel so embarrassed... And ashamed @olga The reply that you gave, made me realize how pessimistic I have become... I also realized that the desire to live is something that is suppressed in some corner very deep inside me. I also realized money hasn't stopped me from seeking help although the society I love in is definitely screwed up... I don't have anything else to type... Thank you for your concern... Edited March 5, 2014 by s p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix_Rising Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 There's no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed about your post. That's what CB is here for. Welcome to the Boards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olga Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I echo what Phoenix said---there was nothing wrong with your post and I'm very glad you came here to talk to us. However, I do hope that you will see a doctor and begin the next chapter of your life. Best wishes to you. olga Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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